Sofia Vergara

New ‘Machete Kills’ Trailer Has Some (Literally) Killer Boobtastic (VIDEO)

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The new Machete Kills trailer has some rather murderous mammaries. No, literally, Sofia Vergara straps machine gun bewbs to her chest and fires them. Yeah. Pretty wild.

If that's not a perfect indication of how utterly batshit this iteration of Machete will be, I'll let the trailer speak for itself. Seriously, check it out: Charlie Sheen (as his real name Carlos Estevez)  is the president and Lady Gaga does stuff covered in a real live Cuba Gooding, Jr. suit. Amber Heard in a Miss San Antonio sash? What's crazier than that? 

Nothing, my friends. NOTHING.

Oh, and in a shocking 'just like in real life' turn, Mel Gibson is the villain.

Sofia Vergara Cleavy for Terry Richardson Photoshoot

Any time somebody tells me, 'Bill, you've got the best job in the world', well the first thing I do is show them my paycheck. Then they say, 'Bill, you've got the best nearly volunteer job in the world.' At which point I bring up Terry Richardson, photographer of super hot sextastic celebrities. The ones who find their way into his studio or hotel room for intimate photography sessions.

It's one thing to be a genius. It's another thing to be paid well to be a genius. Terry's got that. As he's also now got Sofia Vergara in his visual lexicon of sweet looking celebrities whose bodies he's captured in his traditionally black and white personal photos. Sofia Vergara is a seriously good get for any photographer, but to get her alone and in your private time studios, well, that's the genius part I guess. Enjoy.

Sofia Vergara Cleavetastic Colombian Goddess in Greece

I don't care where Sofia Vergara goes as long as it's warm and she doesn't have the need for many clothes. The Modern Family star took her latest summer vacation to Greece where she helped out the entire world by wearing a low cut top, exposing some of her fabulous funbags and simultaneously causing over a million young boys to suddenly become men. That's kind of how I remember it happening too.

Sofia Vergara has been blessed with magical powers to both torment and to heal. It's truly is an awesome responsibility that I think she is handling just perfectly. Enjoy.

Happy Cleavetastic Birthday to Sofia Vergara

Sofia Vergara holds a special place in my heart. To be more specific, the places near Sofia Vergara's heart holds a special place in my heart. Since bursting onto the U.S. celebrity scene a few years back, Sofia has helped mightily to raise the faptastic status of Sudamericana curvaceous goodness in the naughty fun parts of the minds of Americans.

Today, Sofia celebrates her 41st birthday. Hard to believe form looking at this bombshell that she's been providing visual wonderments professionally to the world for over two decades now. For her birthday, we take a look at some of our favorite more recent cleavetastic moments of this bouncy perfect Latina. And we dream of her pressing her lips together and blowing out her candles. How can you not? Happy Birthday, Sofia!.

Sofia Vergara Cleavetastic Red Carpet Performance Brings Hope to Mankind

Sofia Vergara and her fine feisty twins stole another red carpet appearance, last night at the Discover Many Hopes Gala in N.Y.C.

Now, I could brood about how my invitation to this swank event got lost in the digital mail once again, or I could relish the sweet visuals of the bouncy clouds Sofia showed off in good measure at the event. It's a tough call. I am a very bitter and petty man, yet, I am nothing but inspired by the full felines of Sofia Vergara.

On this day, I choose not to lament, but to indulge in the goodness of this super sextastic woman's cleavy goodness. Such is the power of the boobtastic, to wash away all lesser important feelings. Enjoy.

Sofia Vergara Bosom Tops the CFDA Fashion Thingee

Oh, sure, there were plenty of hotties in attendance at the big CFDA Fashion Awards last night. Legendary names in hotness like Miranda Kerr, Alessandra Ambrosio, and Karlie Kloss, just to name a few of the smoking sextastic women flashing killer cleave and legs at the event.

But our top prize has to go to optical nerve disruptor extraordinaire, Sofia Vergara, who brought the big guns out to play last night. She was definitely firing from at least both cylinders.

Sofia Vergara has a history of owning red carpets, with last night being no exception. Extremely hot Latina sultry looks, that killer cleavage and wicked curvaceous body. It was all working. And when it does, there's simply nobody better. Enjoy.

Hayden Panettiere and Sofia Vergara Lead List of Good Looking Dignitaries at White House Correspondents Dinner

Granted, all politics is boring. My opinion. And anybody who's ever been a part of the Washington D.C. circle knows that those people are perhaps the only people on this planet more full of themselves and their insular lives than Tinsel Town vapid folk. But when you merge the two together for an evening, you are certain to get at least everybody looking their finest.

And how else are you going to get the likes of Hayden Panettiere, Sofia Vergara, Katy Perry, Morena Baccarin, and Irina Shayk all together to talk politics? You can't. At least not in a forum where they'll sit mostly quietly and just look hot. So, kudos to the Washington press corps for this accomplishment. And for letting us peek in. Enjoy.