Sofia Vergara, as she often does, stole the show at Oscar’s biggest after-party, the Vanity Fair something something. The party is for all the super hotties in Hollywood who couldn’t score an Academy Awards invite but who are by their very nature far more interesting than ant awards show. Including Sofia who knows exactly how to get all cameras turned in the direction of her cleavage with the beckon of her visual siren call.
Joining Sofia was the equally faptacular Kate Upton who pretty much makes a party on her own, lovelies Natalie Portman, Rashida Jones, Diane Kruger and several other women who are my dates to the Dairy Queen or alleys behind thereof in my nightly dreams. Somehow, my invitation got lost in the mail. I’m sure it was a postal oversight. I did have my best corduroy slacks almost pressed so was kind of a bummer when my publicist from MySuperPublicist.com told me I was not on the list. Oh, well. Always the chance of running into girls of this type at the bowling alley on Hollywood’s most sextastic evening. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet/Splash
Here’s my quick read on the SAG Awards last night. Jennifer Aniston looked damn amazing, Sofia Vergara looked ever epically sultry and veteran hot, and Ariel Winter might’ve stolen the show if we were allowed to talk about her teen titan curves to any prurient extent. But we can’t, so, just ignore those for now if you’re able. Blasphemer.
There were several other sextastic celebrities geared up for perhaps the biggest night of the year for actors to compliment other actors and pretend their astronauts or firefighters or grave diggers or other important professionals. Still, even when standing in a circle slapping each other on the back, there’s no doubt this is the good looking set and when decking out for the occasion, there’s really nothing else like Hollywood Award season for a promenading of the hottest ladies in the world. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet/Getty
Sofia Vergara is the wind beneath my wings. I’ve actually never truly understood what that lyric means, but if it means you’d like to strip somebody nekkid slowly over the course of hours, pour honey into every nook and cranny on their ridiculously curvy body, then play Hungry Pooh Bear through the rest of the evening, then it fits with Sofia and me.
Sofia Vergara has one amazing spread in the current edition of Shape magazine, and more impressively, was showing off her preening goodies behind the scenes of her shoot. Less airbrush, more Sofia doing what she does best. Being forty and making every man in the world want to shtup her. It sounds so much more subtle in Yiddish. Enjoy.
The muy caliente Sofia Vergara was seen leaving the gym in Beverly Hills in a pair of very snug tights. By snug I mean it looks like someone tattooed her lower half with leopard print because surely no tights this constrictive should exist. But they do. Her incredible curvy figure was on full display. Sofia’s booty is the kind of sexy that if I were a poet, I would compose a sonnet about it. I’d call it Ode to Sofia’s Badonk. But, of course, it isn’t all about her butt. With Sofia there is always those incredible funbags she has. They are maybe the best ta-tas on TV. Who can compare? I’m fairly certain that Sofia’s ginormous piñatas are the main reason that Modern Family is so popular. Add Sarah Hyland and Julie Bowen and you’ve got one sexy show. Plus it has Al Bundy.
I’ve often wondered how Sofia can even get around without falling over. She walks around with those sweater hams in defiance of all of the laws of gravity and physics.
Since so many of you asked, well, here is the Sofia Vergara nipple slip from the HBO post Emmy’s party in all of its headlight glory. Feel free to zoom in even more than I have, well past the goofy face of Derek Hough, to the suckling goodness just beneath her bust line.
Smooshed funbag and nipple from one of the hottest women on television. A true Latina siren of the small screen. And, now, you can be jealous of those who have nursed before you. Enjoy.
Boobtacular Colombiana Sofia Vergara showed off some major cleav at a Justin Timberlake show in LA. She was there with her werewolf boyfriend Joe Manganiello. I’m going to make a bold statement that maybe you will disagree with but I’m going to say it anyway: Sofia Vergara has the best funbags in Hollywood. I mean, who else even compares to her? Her girls are both massive and perky. Do you know how hard that is to pull off, especially for a woman in her forties? It downright defies the laws of physics. As is her habit she was also wearing a pair of super tight jeans that showed off her shapely Latin booty.
What I love about Sofia is that she is well aware that a lot of her fame has to do with her body and she’s OK with that. That’s why she always dresses provocatively. The fact that she’s genuinely funny is only a plus. ¡Gracias!
Oh, boy oh boy. The Internet just keeps getting better. With every increase in phishing and spam and craptastic that loads up the digital landscape, I try to remind myself on the positive side how we are living in a wonderful era of sextastic self promotion. Who knew there’d ever be a day when some of the hottest celebrities in the world would be regularly sharing photos of their bodies half naked for sheer show-off value? I dreamed it, and now it’s actually come true. It truly is a blessed social-technical phenomenon.
This week’s Sextastic Twitpic Roundup includes the divine Emily Ratajkowski looking sultry in lingerie, Sofia Vergara and her veteran crazy hot body in a bikini, Ireland Baldwin showing off her ample bosom, Jen Selter and Michelle Lewin throwing down in beachy booty competition, Ashley Sky in smoking sextastic lingerie poses, Lucy Pinder and her stellar chesty goodness, Lindsay Lohan sideboob, and so much more. You owe it to the most giving gods who return NFL football to us each August to check out each and every one of these ridiculously enticing social media candids. Enjoy.