Miranda Lambert Bikini Stripes A-Hoy Hottie in Honolulu

Miranda Lambert is looking good. I couldn't be happier if I lost the weight myself. And you couldn't be happier because why the hell do you care if I look good in a bikini in Hawaii. Miranda on the other hand, a nice country sextastic singer who is now down to beach exhibition weight and showing off every inch of her hard restraint.

I think Miranda herself was the first to admit she got a little too thick around the midsection there for a little while. It's surely nice to ogle her now that she's delighting in her own body as well. It's almost like we're on the same page, even though we're actually hiding in the bushes and making little guttural grunts. I'd like to think she has a little inner smile knowing the ogling gentlemen are once again sizing her up for the evening REM sleep feast. Enjoy.

Jessica Impiazzi Strips Topless in the Garden for a TOWIE Ta-Ta Tuesday

 

The last time we saw Jessica Impiazzi, she was privately sunbathing topless in Spain. I suppose the TOWIE starlet has more formalized her relationship with the flashing of her ridiculously hot funbags for she turns directly to an epically hot stripping down in the garden in this memorable outdoor photoshoot.

With all the hullabaloo surrounding sextastic celebrities taking hot nekkid photos of themselves and then sharing them with boyfriends and the iCloud trash bin only, it's nice to know this world is also filled with beautiful women who delight in sharing their fine female forms with the ogling gentlemen and Saophic leaning ladies of the world. Such a blessing not in disguise any day of the week. Enjoy.

Chelsea Heath Bikini Booty Sunshine Goodness

We kind of fell immediately into lust with young beach model Chelsea Heath when the vaguely creepy 138 Water company first hired her for a set of their promotional photos. Here in take two, I'm just about ready to shove my bobos into a tub of ice to try and thwart spontaneous combustion in the taintal region.

Chelsea Heath looks so damn good in a bikini. I want to build some kind of dome where it will be perpetually a warm day at the beach so Chelsea can never ever have to remove her little yellow bikinis. I mean, until aloe vera massage time in the evenings naturally. I pre-warm my hands because I care. Chelsea, let me help you heal your sun-baked skin. It's only $50 an hour. I mean, I pay that for the privilege to work. Enjoy.

Anais Zanotti Licks the Cream from the End of Summer’s Cone

Today it's official autumn. At least according to my Farmer's Almanac. Time to get the potatoes in the ground before first frost. Or, when it drops below 80 here in Los Angeles.

While summer speaks of hot girls and bikinis and tanlines and splishy-splashy wardrobe malfunctions, perhaps nothing better represents the sextastic summer than wicked good looking girl licking ice cream cones. Thanks to Anais Zanotti, summer is not going out quietly. The French model and stunt woman and all-around teasing woman with those come hither and snap my thong eyes surely knows how to make a dessert treat last in her mouth. That takes skill. And practice. And my dirty mind. You may substitute yours as you see fit. Happy Fall. Enjoy.

Photo credit: TheHeadhuntr on Instagram

Charlotte McKinney As A Nurse And Other Fine Things To Ogle

Charlotte McKinney as a nurse gets my pressure up. (Drunken Stepfather)

Cara Delevingne is naked in Allure Magazine. That is all. (Huffington Post)

Nicole Meyer looks sexy as F in lingerie. (Hollywood Tuna)

Good Lord, thank you for Nina Agdal in lingerie. (Popoholic)

Daphne Joy's funbags are busting out of her brown bikini. (The Superficial)

Candice Swanepoel and Behati Prinsloo give a preview of Victoria's Secret fall line. (COED)

You remember Jasmine Tridevil with the three ta-tas? Yeah, about that...(TMZ)

Andrea Yurko Is a Tall Topless Drink of Water in Treats Magazine

 

If you happen to like your brunettes tall and sultry and topless, you're going to love this Alex Freund pictorial of Andrea Yurko for Treats magazine. The nearly six foot tall fashion model gets all kinds of boudoir alluring for the cameras in an exhibition of the svelte lithesome lady form. I was drooling just hearing about this shoot. Now I'm full on in need of an emergency medical technician to restart my junk.

Every time I stare into the eyes, and ridiculously hot body, of a female siren, I feel my soul getting a little happier. It's like a warming sensation that starts at the toes and goes all the way to the top with some memorable stops in between. Women like Andrea Yurko remind me that no matter how complicated life can get, or troublesome the world, pure blessed relief is ever only one evening of lingerie and dimmed lights away. Andrea, call me, let's warm each other's souls. Enjoy.

Lady Gaga See-Through to The Gagas in Belgium

Even some peeing boy statues probably cranked their necks a bit in Brussels to see Lady Gaga in a completely sheer dress walking by with her yams fresh and visible for the Belgian onlookers. Lady Gaga is a show-woman through and through. If it takes baring her funbags on the streets for a little attention, she's not going to think twice. You might call that crude and immodest. I call it a really nice social trend among our sextastic celebrities. Say what you will about Lady Gaga, she shows quite a bit more than Katy Perry who we've been begging for years.

Lady Gaga seems perfectly fit for Europe. Her style, her philosophies, and her bare tops. Not that we shouldn't let her back in the U.S., but maybe persuade her to stay overseas where we can't hear her so much as see her in daring outfits. That is the right manner in which to appreciate this particular artist. Enjoy.