Sylvie van der Vaart Blue Bikini Perfection in Saint-Tropez

I cant really think of any single hot bikini mom who does the surf and sand two piece preen and tease better than the freshly single Sylvie van der Vaart and her Dutch blonde model skill set.

Sylvie doesn't seem to be letting divorce get her down. Just like she didn't let cancer get her down. She's kind of like my hero, and I'm not just saying that in hope she'll melt and say 'Oh, Bill, he's so sensitive and understanding, now I shall swim naked in his pool'. Now I just need a pool. Something I'd happily dig with my bare hands if I knew Sylvie was coming by in one of her teasy tiny bikinis. Blue will do. Hot divorced moms have a special entrance to my abode. It's called the front door and it's always open. Sylvie, let's do this during the month of August when Europe shuts down to prepare for long half-time work in September. Enjoy.

Thank God It’s Funbags! Julieta Moreno Sultry Latina En Fuego in H Para Hombres

 

Oh, blessed Friday, you have come to bequeath upon us the rest and relaxation that is the weekend. Not everybody revels in the weekend. I understand. But that doesn't mean I'm going to give up my love for sports or beer or sports and beer and girls not necessarily in that order. Or my love of presenting one fine pair of luscious loveliness to you on Fridays to celebrate the coming Saturday.

Julieta Moreno is just your crazy hot Sudamericana model with an absolutely perfect model body and come hither looks like you've never come hithered before. If Julieta doesn't cause your vessels to dilate and your pulse rate to treble, you probably need to open your eyes just a tad bit further. Indulge, c'mon, nobody's going to judge you. Enjoy.

Kate Moss Bikinis in Ibiza, Because, Well, Because She’s Kate Moss Dammit

As if Kate Moss is going to miss the big celebrity yacht and beach parties going on this week in the Spanish island of Ibiza. If I was a better swimmer, I'd be there myself. Unfortunately, my current record is three laps across the hot tub. Not sure that's get me out to the private parties to see the likes of supermodel Kate Moss working her bikini magic for over two decades now in the vacation hotspots around the world.

Kate Moss has always delighted in the leopard skin prints. Something very meow about it on the still very fit mom model. She does seem to delight in her water sports. I imagine we will be seeing her bare sunbathing in short order. Kate Moss does not suffer tan lines. Enjoy.

Katy Perry Leggy Long and Lovely in Cosmo, The Full Set

We saw a few of these Katy Cocktease leggy divine shots from Cosmo last month, but you really must feast your peeps upon the full set to fulfill your Katy needs for the week. While we often rightfully chide Katy for her cockteasy ways, there's no denying she continues to be one of the top ranked celebrities men most want to see laying next to them the next morning. And, those sweet succulent funbags yet to be exposed, somebody badly wants to write home about those.

Katy does help to prove that you don't have to take your clothes off to make ten million man badly want you. Although, I hate that that proof even exists. Katy, it's well past time. Show us your ta-ta's and free us from this limbo of wanton impatience. Pretty please with a nipple on top. Enjoy.

Francia Raisa Sextastic in Silhouettes Like You’ve Never Seen Her Before

I'm a super fan of underrated sultry hottie Francia Raisa. She's been shedding her teen TV girl image of late for more grown up motif photo ops, which is more than past time considering she's a solid 20-something with a super solid female form.

In this unique silhouette in black and white from Isabelle Ratane, Francia starts to use her lady curves in sultry and provocative fashion, even if mildly obscured by the medium. This is a big step forward. About the same size step I'd have been tempted to make forward had I been at this photoshoot. Francia really has so much more goodness to give. This feels like an appetizer for something outstanding to come. Francia, you're going to be hot body genius. I can't wait. Enjoy.

Anais Zanotti Bikini Body Perfection in Pink and Hot on Miami Beach

Anais Zanotti has perfected the fine art of making men crank their necks into a crick as she passes by them on the beach in her brightly colored bikinis. It's those wicked curvaceous funbags, that even more dangerous taut big booty, and everything in betwixt and between that creates stellar business for the chiropractic industry along the South Florida coast. They really out to give Anais some kind of BBB commendation for her DD's.

Anais latest lust inducing incarnation came in pink in a bikini that somehow remained together, even under the stress of her lady cans. I could stare at Anais' thong clad thumper for hours. But that might be considered rude. So I limit myself to 45 minutes, like with the fitness equipment at the gym when people are waiting. I am after all a gentleman. A gentleman with a sore neck. Enjoy.

Gaming’s Whacked Out Week: Gah! It’s ‘Sharknado: The Game’

Why? Why in the name of Satan’s shriveled scrote is this a thing?

Ah, Sharknado. In the piss-takey animal-based ridiculousness stakes, it’s right up there with Snakes on a Plane and Black Sheep. We may have had enough of those mothereffin’ snakes on that mothereffin’ plane, but Sharknado isn’t done with us yet.

Yep. Hold on to your asses, the licensed game is here. We all know that movie games have a lamentable reputation for suckitude (we blame the ghastly ballache that is Superman 64 for that), so what do you do when the subject matter itself is already crap? On purpose? How much further up Shite Mountain can you trek?

About this far, by the looks of it. Feast your eyes on a crazy-ass little endless runner based on the movie (trailer after the jump). If nothing else, you don’t get to wang sharks in the face with a sword while surfing every day. Unless you do, in which case your life is much more exciting than ours and PETA is probably pissed at you.
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