Mr. Skin $4 Crazy Ass Special for Super Bowl Weekend (I Said Crazy Ass, This Is the Big One!)

By Bill Swift | Jan 30th, 2015 @ 2:04 pm

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Occasionally around special annual occasions, my buddy Mr. Skin gets a little lit on Scotch and Yoohoo chocolate soda and offers up some how low can you go crazy kind of offer. This is that time. With the Super Bowl this weekend, the prurient and nekkid lady-loving bastards at Mr. Skin have brought back their $4 a Month Lowest price Ever deal.

Now, I don’t tout many products on this site, outside of human flesh and the grateful love you ought feel for the woman who brought you into this world, but Mr. Skin memberships is simply one of the tools you want in your utility belt of happiness. For just $4 a month, it’ll never ever be a better deal. I feel like Crazy Eddie if Crazy Eddie sold topless Jessica Alba. Had he, he still might be around. Act now.

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Thank God It’s Funbags! Frida Sofia Guzman Topless Con Flores for The Mexican Bunny

 
By Bill Swift | Jan 30th, 2015 @ 1:28 pm
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Frida Sofia Guzman is the party girl daughter of famed Mexican musician Alejandra Guzman, one of Mexico’s most popular recording artists of the past few decades. I can’t speak to the music, but I can tell you she’s pretty good at making super hot daughters. Super hot daughters that pose for Playboy Mexico, as her mom did just over 20 years ago. Though her mom’s pictorial was far more demure, no bare topless photos of any kind. So, not quite as memorable.

On Fridays we love to love those beautiful fleshy orbs that make our existence on this planet so much more tolerable, in fact, quite delightful really. It’s simply good feelings packed into two perfect display cases. Frida Sofia Guzman might be causing some angst in her showbiz family by posing nekkid in Playboy, but that’s nothing compared to the angst I’m feeling in my… yeah, well, let’s not all get arrested. Thank God It’s Funbags!

Photo Credit: Playboy Mexico

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Jessie J Down to Bikini Bottoms for London Leggy Show

By Bill Swift | Jan 30th, 2015 @ 12:48 pm
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The British pop stars are certainly doing their part to keep up with the exhibitionist nature of their American counterparts. Jessie J is no slouch in figuring out that skin is as important to musical success in the market today as is vocal quality. In fact, if you have to choose one or the other, just remember, your computer can sing for you, but it can’t look leggy and amazing in bikini bottoms on stage. Not yet. Terminator technology coming one day.

Jessie J lit up the libidos of young men in attendance at her show in London, working the stage in bikini bottoms, letting everybody have a sweet gander at her young lady stems. It’s worth the price of admission for even the most auditory cynical gentleman ogler. All I’d ask for is a front row seat. Or that security not keep confiscating my binoculars with x-ray technology. I need those to hear. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Jessie J Deep Cleavage at BRIT Awards
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Hailey Clauson Sextastic Supreme Modeling Beach Wear That You’d Like To See Come Off

By Bill Swift | Jan 30th, 2015 @ 12:17 pm
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Hailey Clausen is back modeling beach wear and, well, I’m still madly in lust with this young Southern California model. She just fits so perfectly with beach wear, or not wear. She certainly seems like someone who you’d like to take along on a warm weather vacation to some country where the phones don’t work that reliably.

Hailey was tapped by Tularosa to pimp out their vacation wear little bits of clothing. I can only say Hailey looks ridiculously hot. Your results may differ. I may be slightly biased by the fact that Hailey Clauson makes me feel like a young boy discovering women for the first time all over again. Oh, the happy tingles. Bless you, Hailey Clauson. It’s like some kind of happy magic. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Tularosa

Hailey in Lingerie Nearly Sent Me to the Hospital
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READER FINDS: Naomi Watts Pole Dancing, Chrissy Teigen Boob Slip, Natasha Alam Tied Up And Topless and Much Much More…

 
By Bill Swift | Jan 30th, 2015 @ 11:28 am
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Once more, despite technical obstacles, the blessed many of you have shared some of your most skin-filled blessed discoveries with the rest of us worthies and not worthies alike. The cultural communal understanding formally trademark in 1917 as Reader Finds. Occasionally controversial, always filled with celebrity skin of the must-see variety. Think of it as your best source for pure repentant visual joy.

This week’s Reader Finds includes Naomi Watts hot blonde pole dancing (thanks to EgoReader ‘Marco’ for his submission’), the boobtastic Sammy Braddy in some killer reveals in Zoo magazine (kudos to ‘Tony S.’), Penelope Cruz decidedly topless and skinematic (I do so amor Penelope, thanks ‘Aaron’), Nina Moric topless funbag inspection on Italian telly (dropped off by ‘Stephen T.’), Natasha Alam in her memorable vampiric topless scenes (luscious Alam lovelies via ‘Darren’), Melanie Thierry in French exhibitionism of the ta-ta variety (mon dieu! by way of ‘Alexander’), Maud Le Fort topless modeling goodness (love my new French model girlfriend, thanks ‘Renee’), Mary Louise Parker full frontal and rear-al beauty (veteran hottie sextacular delivered by ‘Thomas’), Maria Kooistra topless fun times on the silver screen (oh, foreign girls with their clothes off via ‘Delaney’), ginger treat Leanna Decker topless gorgeous model shots (much shoutouts to ‘Geoff’), Hailee Steinfeld growing up nicely pictorial (an unexpected treat from ‘Trey W.’), the smoking hot Latina Elba Jimenez topless in Playboy Mexico (holy guacamole goodness from ‘Owen’), more Latina blessed sights from topless Diana Gomez (just faptastical bits of heaven via ‘Lee’), and last but not least, Chrissy Teigen with a sudsy boobtastic slip in her new GQ photoshoot. It’s a lot, but I suppose never enough. There’s always room for Jell-O. Enjoy.

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Lauren Stoner Celebrates Her Birthday In A Thong Bikini, Kind of a Gift to Us Really

By Bill Swift | Jan 30th, 2015 @ 10:36 am
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If it’s your birthday and you’re wicked hot bodied you kind of owe it to yourself and the world to show off your tight hiney on the beach in Miami. Okay, so maybe Lauren Stoner does this most days of the year already, but only on her birthday will she not have me arrested for a birthday spanking on the bikini bottom. I’m very committed to the old customs.

Lauren is quite the regular bar setter for the hottest bikini bodies in Miami. A regularly present tall slender statuesque blonde with a booty that you could bounce a nickel off of, though I’d recommend at least a silver dollar if you want to be noticed. Happy Birthday, Lauren. I hope my present got to your mailbox in time, I know sometimes the U.S.P.S. slaps a quarantine label on such gifts and has it burned in hazmat safety incinerators. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Splash

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Gaming’s Whacked Out Week: Modder Returns ‘Resident Evil’ to its Craptastic, Jill Sandwich Origins

By Chris Littlechild | Jan 30th, 2015 @ 10:35 am

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Last week, the umpteenth Resident Evil re-release hit consoles and PC. It’s a spangly new HD-ified edition of the legendary GameCube remake, and yet another slice of Capcom’s cash cowing.

But it’s also another slice of Resident Evil, and that’s hard to resist. Almost twenty years later, the 1996 classic has an iron, nostalgic grip on the ‘nads of gamers everywhere. Tank-tastic controls, Jill sandwiches, masters of unlocking… this is the stuff that childhood memories are made from.

Now, the first thing the original changed (the original remake, that is, not the original original, try to keep up) was the ball-achingly bad voice acting. It was terrible, after all, and is the source of much of the game’s camp b-movie value. But for one man, that shit is worth saving.

This week, Kotaku brought us Resident Evil modder ‘Bunny,’ and his project to splice the old voice acting onto REmake’s cutscenes. The results are beautifully nostalgic, completely hilarious and horrific in all the wrong ways. The scene after the jump (“It’s not just a poisonous snake… it’s a MONSTER!”) is particularly priceless.
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