Egotastic
You know we never root for the breakup of celebrity couples, but when I heard that Malin Akerman was splitting up with her French husband of too many years, I did feel a little happy tingle in my intellectual parts. She really is an underrated blonde hottie. Maybe it's because she's never had a big time starring role, or maybe it's just because not everybody joins me in thinking happy thoughts about her in the bubble bath each evening, but Malin deserves far more attention.
I'm not sure if Malin was thinking the same thing on the set of Trophy Wife where she was flashing her tennis panties and her keester and all-around beautiful from behind sextastic attitude of gratitude. I'm leering, Malin. And appreciating. And as God is my witness, soon too will the rest of the peeping world. Enjoy.
All I Want for Christmas Is Emily Ratajkowski (Kris Kringle, Show Me the Honey!)
Of course I asked Santa for the much needed video game console upgrade this Christmas, as well as holiday essentials such as booze that doesn't taste like gasoline and penicillin. And, yes, of course, I listed the obligatory 'peace on earth' just to let Santa know I'm a thoughtful kid. But at the very top of my list this year was Emily Ratajkowski.
When I wake up early Christmas morning in my vintage Star Wars pajamas, it's Emily I'd like to find on the coffee table beneath my 3-foot aluminum replica Yuletide pine with flocking included. Emily has been my significant breakout starlet this year, which has less to do with Emily's career trajectory and more to do with my anatomical reaction to seeing Emily doing her ridiculously hot bodied thing, in the shower quite included.
C'mon, St. Nick, this is the year. Remember back in '01 when I asked for Final Fantasy X and you got me a Joey Fatone marionette instead? You so owe me. Let's do this. Enjoy.