Bikinis Posts:

Martha Hunt Paddle Balling Bikini Pictures Could Use a Hug, a Sandwich, and Me Begging to Give Her Both

Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Martha Hunt definitely leans to the lean side of the ledger, more fashion model body than swimsuit model, but in all cases quite hot and wet and alluring on the beach in Miami. I'd definitely like to take Martha away for a month to the Swiss chalet I will break into and pretend is my own and stuff her full of spiced meats and hearty soups and other things a man might imagine stuffing into the sextastic likes of Martha Hunt. She could use a few lbs. Having said that, I'd never comment on a woman's body weight one way or another, at least not until we had consummated our affections for one another as men and women do both in the bible and letters to Penthouse, take your pick.

Martha, I have great plans for you and your skimpy little bikinis and that lean female form of yours. Let's get started now so I can unveil you two months hence at my annual Flag Day extravaganza. Oh, to unveil Martha Hunt. I'd like that. Enjoy.

Edita Vilkeviciute Topless Beach Candids from St. Bart’s Completely Hot, Completely Uncensored!


Wow, I go away for one lousy day and come back to find my future wife Edita Vilkeviciute flaunting around the private beach in St. Bart's without her top on, taking topless selfies with her topless girl friend, and even changing bottoms on the beach. What is this world coming to? This is really the first time we've ever candidly seen Edita showing off her ridiculously hot body completely candid.

As you may know, the Lithuanian hot model  has almost agreed in some measure other than her restraining orders to be my future bride. Like most passionate, near ceaseless sexual romps, our candles will burn out long before our legend ever does, maybe 18 months tops on the marriage, but, it's all about the memories. I have completely given Edita permission in the past to be baring her body for magazines and professional shoots. I mean, somebody has to earn the NFL TV package in our marriage. But this candid beach romping without any top on. And  those selfies? Where are those going to exactly, because I surely don't see them in my inbox.

I really do try to be a nice guy. When a bunch of you wrote in to complain how topless photos of my future bride were being censored in the Daily Mail and similar publications, I went out and secured the original uncensored clicks from the photographer. I guess nice guys really do finish last, at least in the line of people who get sneak peeks of Edita's all over crazy hot birthday suit. I think Edita and I might need some pre-marital counseling. Enjoy.

Lauren Stoner Has An Itsy Bitsy Yellow and Purple Bikini

Former reality show star Lauren Stoner hit the beach in Miami in a very small yellow and purple bikini. Who is Lauren Stoner? She was a cast member on the short lived E! reality series The Spin Crowd, which was produced by none other than Kim Kardashian. The show was about ladies that work in the P.R. industry. I took public relations in college and I can assure you that no one in my class looked like Lauren Stoner. Also, what's going on in Miami right now? It seems like all the posts I've done today take place in Miami Beach. I'm one of like 15 Cuban-Americans that doesn't live in Miami. Why did my grandparents take us away from there? I know my grandfather liked booties and big bosoms. Maybe that's why my grandmother made him leave...

Either way I think I'm going to get a ticket to the motherland so I can enjoy the wonders of Miami Beach.

Amy Willerton Shows Off Bikini Bod In Spain

British model and TV personality Amy Willerton displays her tea and crumpets in a smoking pink bikini in España. The Britannic beauty was there on vacation. She wore a pair of cut of jean shorts to the beach and then took them off to reveal her pink clad booty. I have a feeling she knew she was being photographed because she was jumping up and down and posing. Maybe leaping into the air is just the way she gets around. I am fully on board with this method, particularly if you are endowed the way that Amy is. Is there anything more lovely on God's Earth than a pair of bouncing breasteses? I think not. It's also important to have a good bikini body in Spain. That water is too friggin' cold to go swimming in. The ocean can hide a lot of sins, (like hairy man boobs), if you spend all of your beach time submerged up to your neck.

Amy doesn't have that problem. She gives all of those smarmy Eurotrash guys with beer guts and Speedos something to be smarmy about.

Barbara Palvin Bikinis for Twin Set Beachwear 2014

Hungarian model Barbara Palvin is clad in nothing but the tiniest of bathing suits in this shoot for Twin Set Beachwear. The Italian line of teeny weeny bikinis is a big fan of Barbara. They've had her model their other clothing brands as well as the bikini line before. My favorite it the one with the little stars that look like they belong on a rec room couch from the 70's. Perhaps it's the fond memories of make-out sessions on old furniture with similar patterns that draw my attention? Or maybe it's the way Barbara's swinging happy flesh mounds fill them out that do it for me? Say what you want about those Italian designers, they sure know how to make a good bikini.

Emily Ratajkowski Sexy in Shay Todd Swim April 2014

Emily Ratajkowski is smoking hot in the April 2014 Shay Todd Swim catalog. The model, who jiggled her way into our hearts in Robin Thicke's Blurred Lines video, wears a variety of tasty outfits in the catalog. Emily sports some tiny bikinis and flowing beach wear. Me likey girls in sundresses. Is there anything sexier in the summertime then a thin beach coverup clinging to a woman's body due to sweat and sea water? I wish this catalog would come to my house. Do people even get print catalogs anymore? I remember as a young lad waiting by the mailbox for the Fredrick's of Hollywood catalog. That''s where I learned about wonders like crotchless panties and g-strings. It was a rite of passage.

Emily Ratajkowski is so beautiful that she could pretty much model anything and make it hot. She could wear nothing but one of those satellite dishes they put on dogs when they are neutered and make it sexy.

Jennifer Nicole Lee Sizzles in Beach Bikini Shoot

Fitness guru and model Jennifer Nicole Lee took time out from helping fatties lose weight to pose in a tiny leopard print bikini in Miami Beach. The bathing suit is barely there at all. The top basically covers her nips and the bottom is little more than a tiny strip of cloth. It's like the ultimate after pic. Jenn used to be a bit of a chubber until she got into redonkulously good shape. The best most of us can hope for is to lose enough weight so that we don't have to use the seat belt extender on an airplane. You could play rhythm section for a friggin' bluegrass song on those abs. I would totally go to the gym if she was my trainer. All you need is a little motivation. There is something about a girl in a leopard print bikini that makes me get a special feeling in my underpants.