Bikinis

Colleen Shannon Uses Her Jugs To Sell Expensive Water

DJ Colleen Shannon had her turntables out and spinning in this photoshoot for 138 Water in Malibu. Colleen started off wearing a tiny blue bikini that showed off those gorgeous knockers splendidly. But you know what makes a better top? If there is no top! She seems to have lost it in the surf and only had her hands to try and hide the massive bulk of those famous subwoofers of hers. Needless to say, there is all kinds of tasty boobie flesh sticking out of her tender little fingers. But let’s not forget that booty, y’all. It’s tight and fully packed. I often think on Colleen’s booty and how magical it is. What I wouldn’t give to snuggle up to those buns for a few minutes.

Paris Hilton was just named the top woman DJ at some awards show for DJs. I’m sure Colleen is feeling kind of sad. I’d gladly cheer her up.

Stacy Keibler Pink Bikini Long Hot Tanned Body Madness in Miami

Stacy Keibler is really a woman among girls. Or a girl among girls in many of my dreams regarding her statuesque wrestling hot taut body. When she comes out to play in a bikini it’s not really fair to the other members of the same gendered species as she just exudes the sextastic from every pore. When I think about George Clooney actively decided he was through with her, I begin to cry. I wonder if she’d let me be her rebound boyfriend? For like four to seven minutes depending on the tradewinds.

It’s always a good day when Stacy Keibler all oiled down and shiny comes into your life. A great day when in a tiny bikini. Enjoy.

Marc Anthony’s New Wife Shannon de Lima In A Bikini On Miami Beach

Mark Anthony has got himself a new wife by the name of Shannon de Lima and she is seriously hot. Mark is known for marrying sexy ladies. It’s sort of his thing. Shannon was wearing a gold bikini to the beach in Miami that showed off why Mark was swept off his tiny feet. Firstly, this girl has got some serious boobage. They are so massive that they can’t fit in her top. The result is a bit of sideboob and that is always good. Secondly, she’s got a pretty tremendous booty. It may not be as spectacular as Mark’s ex Jennifer Lopez but it’s still pretty amazing. Add to this the fact that her bikini is so tight that there is some epic camel toe and you’ve got yourself a recipe for awesomeness.

All I know is that Mark Anthony is one lucky SOB. How does he keep nabbing these drop dead gorgeous women? Oh yeah, he’s a rich and famous singer.

Alexandria Morgan Hot As Hell And Other Fine Things To Ogle

Alexandria Morgan is sexy as F in a variety of swimsuits. (Popoholic)

Models Paz Cornu and Karina Jelinek show off their beach booties. (TMZ)

Alyssa Barbara in a see-through blue body suit? Yes, please! (Drunken Stepfather)

Julianne Hough shows off her shape for Shape Magazine. (Hollywood Tuna)

Courtney Stodden in a flag bikini makes me feel patriotic in my pants. (The Superficial)

Charlotte McKinney is on fire in a bikini for Flaunt Magazine. (COED)

Meet Gia Marie, Playboy’s Miss November. (Busted Coverage)

Eva Longoria Bikini Pictures Are Hot Crackle and Pop in Miami

Eva Longoria is about half a year away from becoming the most certain member of the Faptastic and Forty club here on Egotastic. The hot bodied most eligible Latina is not only sultry and alluring and not too shabby in the able to take care of me in the financial ways in which I’m accustomed department, she also continues to look crazy veteran hot in a bikini, a little bit of fabric that constantly needs adjusting.

It’s not every woman in the world that causes me to become catatonic from seeing them fixing their bikini tops or crawling on all fours across a chaise lounge chair, but Eva definitely falls into that category. Just so fine and born to tan. Will Eva and I ever get together for real? My lips are sealed. Though not for you, Eva. Have your girl call my girl and we’ll work something out. I majored in college in illicit rendezvous, though I will be tempted to alert the paps so they can see my smiling mug as you leave my abode at 5am covering your shame face. Enjoy.

Mellisa Clarke Topless Poolside Plums and Peaches Fun Time

 
Mellisa Clarke Goes Topless Poolside in a Bikini
Click to See Uncensored

Mellisa Clarke might just be my perfect woman. Well, I mean, technically she’s have to have the capability of transforming into a 50-inch flat screen TV with the NFL premium package on Sundays to be perfect, but I’m working with my Tinder counselor to be more lenient in my acceptance of the flaws of my potential mates.

Melissa’s semi-brooding brunette come hither looks and that raw natural animal hot bodied magnetism enhanced every time she removes her top, it’s just the stuff of dreams. At least my dreams many times per evening. The thought of her floating topless in my pool, let alone having a pool in the first place, just icing on the delicious cake that is Mellisa Clarke. Whoomp there it is. We really need bring that back. Enjoy.

See More Mellisa Clarke Topless Goodness »

Abigail Ratchford Bikini Sizzles in White Poolside in Beverly Hills

I guess the crappy creepy water folks have moved their shooting location from Malibu to Beverly Hills, as my common law Pennysyvlania wife Abigail Ratchford was set up for bikini shoots poolside in the 90210 mecca. And, damn, did she do her job well.

Abigail Ratchford is setting the domestic bar high for busty brunettes with a killer smiler and even deadlier bikini body. The bodaciously curved model seems right at home in a bikini that barely holds her fun parts up in mildly modest position. As my common law wife I am allowed to attend her shoots and I believe have the right to comb her hair while crying, though I do try to stay away so she can focus and I can avoid the embarrassment of having to hold a binder over my pants and act natural. It’s an unconventional marriage, but we wouldn’t have it any other way. Enjoy.