Bikinis

Colleen Shannon Bikini Picture Perfect in Malibu

Colleen Shannon is now free, free to be the hot body blonde model she was meant to be. With her legal troubles behind her, the formerly aka World’s Hottest DJ and Playboy model can now turn her attention to the more important matters of exhibiting her stellar sextastic body in two piece swimsuits in Malibu. The creepy bottled water people have brought Colleen and her wicked fine female form back to the beach several times now for dripping wet showoff time.

I’d like to think that someday a girl like Colleen could love me for the prurient deviant ogling soul that I am. Or at least not notice until the seventh date when she takes me home to meet her parents and I tell them what a wonderful perfect funbagged daughter they’ve raised. That date is always the killer for me. But the first six would be oh so fun. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: FameFlyNet

Kelly Brook Bikini Shoot For New Look and Old Hard Happy Feelings

I don’t like lists. I shall fight lists and listicles and superlatives to my dying breath, or until somebody pays me to feel otherwise. I mean, there’s standing on principle and then there’s being able to afford the big drink at the movie theater. Nevertheless, were I forced to make a list of some kind, say, the Top Ten Motorboat Dreamy Girls, you can bet Kelly Brook would appear somewhere on that vaunted top ten.

In her latest pictorial pimping her own bikini fashion line through New Look, Kelly shows you as much qualifications as you’d likely need to see to put her onto your lists as well. In an age of slender ladies, Kelly maintains her curvaceous and bodacious form that the cosmic designer implanted lust for deep within the male DNA. Just something about Kelly makes me want to make many babies to populate this planet. Also, pour honey on her funbags. Hey, it’s my DNA too, I’m adding my own flavors. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: New Look Swimwear

Halle Von and Dakota James Thong Bikini Strip Down On Miami Beach


Hey, even adult film stars need some sun. And they certainly aren’t going to be left behind in the battle for best bodies and booties and boobtastic on the beach in Miami.

Twin mature themed film star hotties Halle Von and Dakota James, not necessarily their Christian born names, poses and preened and stripped down to their thongs on Miami Beach to let the legit ladies know that the professional young gals are throwing their hat into the ring. And what a hat indeed. These brand new face of adult cinema au natural sextastic champs aren’t pretenders to any thong throne. They are barely there bikini’d contenders. Examine their talents and see for yourself. And this is just their off-hours. You should see them at work. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: FameFlyNet

Claudia Romani Bikini Pictures Stiffen Christmas Resolve Across Miami Beach

Winter shminter. That’s what all the hot girls are saying in Miami as best bikini body competition heats up with total disregard for the winter solstice just days away. The weather outside may be frightful in your area, but in Miami, it’s bikini show off time, including the righteous rump of Claudia Romani splashing about in her blue bikini in the warm Souther state waters.

As you know, Claudia’s magical thumper and I are scheduled to be married some time in the coming year. No date certain as there are still some legal obstacles to overcome because of outdate laws. But make no mistake about it, the bridal booty to be is only temping me worse in the interim. I feel like one of those Duggar kids who has to wait for marriage for their first kiss. Only, I will kiss and tell all my tales of savage prurient passions with Claudia’s killer tush. It’s not gentlemanly to brag, but it still feels good. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Splash News

Jadeon Stage Stretch Likes a Sextastic Armstrong for the Shizz Water


Jadeon Stage is a hip hop dancer. Which is sort of like my Cabbage Patch signature move, but slightly more contemporary. She also seems a bit more flexible than myself, but at least 140-degrees on the compass. Jadeon got water tapped to do the latest and most curvaceous 138 Water Shoot. It’s not a water company, it’s a bikini girls photography venture. Which for the record has far more benefits to society.

Jadeon shows off some of her more stretchable poses, proving once again that a supple woman is a good woman. I think Confucius originally said that. Maybe it was David Spade. The point is, damn, just look what she can do with that bodacious body of hers. There ought to be a law, mostly compelling it. There’s a reason God invented beach binoculars. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: FameFlyNet

Tetyana Veryovkina Bikini Bodies Her Way to Serious Contention in Miami

Tetyana Veryovkina definitely wants in on the Egotastic best bikini body in Miami contest this winter. It must be something to do with the grand prize package ranging from five million dollars up to a date with yours truly minus the five million dollars. It’s kind of driving the competition frenzy along the South Florida shoreline at the moment.

Tetyana brought her seriously hot female form ready for competition as she pranced and preened along the beachfront, letting everybody know that it doesn’t matter if they have trouble pronouncing her name, they will memorize her curves in very short order. Tetyana is quite the sturdy contender. I’ll be taking measurements and weighing her in later purely by touch and feel. I believe that’s still a legal hiring process in this country. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Splash News

Irina Shayk Knows How To Wear Bikinis And Other Fine Things To Ogle

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Irina Shayk can fill out a bikini like no other. (Hollywood Tuna)

Kylie Jenner wore a crop top to play Santa at a kid’s hospital. (TMZ)

Jennifer Lopez shows off her famous curves in Self Magazine. (Huffington Post)

Nicki Minaj‘s calendar features…wait for it…her booty. (Drunken Stepfather)

Jehane “Gigi” Paris has some big ‘ol funbags. (Popoholic)

Britney Spears is looking pretty hot in Women’s Health. (Dlisted)

Demi Lovato is like a hot intergalactic punk alien in Allure Magazine. (COED)