Kelly Brook

Kelly Brook Flashes Big Cleavage for the Big 3-4

Somehow, our invite to the Kelly Brook birthday party in London over the weekend got lost in the mail. I blame the Transatlantic post and send my personal regrets for missing out on the celebration of thirty-four wonderful birthday candles on the cake of our delicious Britty brunette. Kelly Brook curves have caused us so much joy through the years, well, heck, she decided to put her newly single rack on fresh display for her own damn birthday. What a gal.

I'm mostly disappointed that I won't be able to deliver my birthday present to Kelly in person. And I'm certainly not about to try to figure out how to ship a motorboat via UPS. Kelly, I'm so ready to snoggle. Call me on one of those British phones with the silly ringers. Enjoy.

Kelly Brook Is Single and Inducing Tingles on the Pages of FHM

Ever since Kelly Brook announced she was ditching her boyfriend, my antennae went up (yes, that is an antenna and I'm damn glad to meet you) as to her sextastic availability. While I'm not so sure dating is precisely an option at this time, ogling seems to be going better than ever in relation to this curvaceous brunette bombshell.

Featured on the pages of FHM France this month, Kelly shows why she has all the tools to be the perfect girlfriend. Namely, she looks amazing in and out of clothes. And, what else do you need to know, you particular bastard? Kelly, please call me, I'd like to tell you all about the Swiss chalet I'm renting for the winter holiday. Well, technically, it's a Red Roof Inn mini-suite but I can stock it with Swiss Miss Hot Cocoa to provide us sustenance during our long rounds of butter-covered slippery making of the sexy. Yes, I'll tip the maid for the extra cleanup. Enjoy.

Kelly Brook Bodacious Booty in Stretch Pants Greets Los Angeles

Kelly Brook didn't tell me formally, but, thankfully, my Kelly Brook booty alert early warning system triggered the moment Kelly landed at LAX for an extended stay in our fair city. This got me ready to imagine all sort of Kelly Brook fun time tourist type stops, like, Disneyland or the Santa Monica Pier or the bedroom of my apartment where I finally changed the sheets just in case. B

ut, Kelly chose to ignore my hospitable invite for the time being to strap on some stretch pants and get in a little exercise slash big round bottom exhibition time in the streets of our fair burgh. It was quite the show. Wooty always rouses me from my morning fog, like rays of sextastic sunlight powering up my hungover synapses.

Bless you, stretch pants. Bless you, Kelly Brook. I'm making Ramen again tonight, Kelly. Call me, I'll send a car. My buddy Jiff in his '03 Passat. Enjoy.

Kelly Brook Models Her Own Lingerie Line (Because Who Else?)

If you got it, flaunt it. And if you can flaunt it, why not just design your own lingerie line and flaunt it for a piece of the action.

Kelly Brook can do no wrong, not in my book, and not in the minds of New Look lingerie who let her design, model, and pimp the bodacious shizz out of her little silky bras and panties and boudoir apparel. I've already purchased six items. I keep looking for the check off box to purchase Kelly herself, but I can't find it. I'm guessing she's probably higher than the $200 limit on my Diner's Club card regardless.

Still, only 59 shopping days left until Christmas and I'm saving up for Kelly's curves in a simple pair of sheer panties underneath my tree. Hoping against hope. Enjoy.

Kelly Brook, Alessandra Ambrosio, and Jessica Lowndes Dress Up and Show off For Tequila Halloween Party

I'm not exactly sure who Casamigos Tequila is (but, please, send us free samples), but they managed to throw the single biggest celebrity Halloween Party over the weekend. It seemed like all of Hollywood was there, even A-Listers in highly worked out costumes. None of which matter that much to me, not nearly as much as what the hotties would look like dressed up for the biggest exhibitionist holiday of the year.

And, indeed, there was much talent on display. Including heavily belusted Kelly Brook, Alessandra Ambrosio, and Jessica Lowndes, all showing off a little booty and boobtastic in the spirt of the pagan ritual. Far more treat than trick, which makes my personal Jack O'Lantern grin with a lascivious smile. Enjoy.

P.S. The day before the party, V.S. MILFtastic Alessandra Ambrosio hit her daughter's school dressed as a naughty little devil in Daisy Dukes. I won't soil the sanctity of the elementary school Halloween Party by telling you exactly what I'd like to do with sextastic Satan, but suffice it to say, it would send me straight to Hell.

Kelly Brook Bikini Pokes, Beyonce Hot Mommy Body, Kendall Jenner Covered Nekkid Highlight the Sextastic Twitpic Roundup

Oh, what a week of selfies this has been. The wonderful media of self-expression by attention craving sextastic celebrities that send their self-shot or friend-shot hot candids up into the social sphere for everyone to gaze, gawk, and leer. What a truly wonderful cultural invention. I can't imagine living 100 years ago when women passed around fuzzy black and white photos of themselves in flannel one-piece bathing dresses. Oh, no, this is so much better.

This week's Sextastic Twitpic Roundup includes Beyonce showing off her MILFy body in Brazil, Kendall Jenner easing into barely legal with covered topless mermaid photos, Ariana Grande decked out like a schoolgirl, Candice Swanepoel stretching her fine booty, Arianny Celeste faptastic in her bikinis, Nicki Minaj pastied covered topless, and much much more. You owe it to the good and fine computer tech folks operating the Obamacare website to check out each and every one of these stellar candids. Enjoy.

Kelly Brook 12-Months of Wicked Lingerie Hotness

The Beatles sang about eight days a week not being enough time to love a woman properly. I'd like to go on record as stating that twelve months a year is not enough time to lust after the incorrigibly hot Kelly Brook, not when she's barely covered and curvaceous in lingerie. Too much can never be enough.

We brought you a sneak peek of a few of these before, but now check out all twelve-months of Kelly Brook silky busty calendar perfection over on WWTDD.