Kelly Brook

Kelly Brook, Alessandra Ambrosio, and Jessica Lowndes Dress Up and Show off For Tequila Halloween Party

I'm not exactly sure who Casamigos Tequila is (but, please, send us free samples), but they managed to throw the single biggest celebrity Halloween Party over the weekend. It seemed like all of Hollywood was there, even A-Listers in highly worked out costumes. None of which matter that much to me, not nearly as much as what the hotties would look like dressed up for the biggest exhibitionist holiday of the year.

And, indeed, there was much talent on display. Including heavily belusted Kelly Brook, Alessandra Ambrosio, and Jessica Lowndes, all showing off a little booty and boobtastic in the spirt of the pagan ritual. Far more treat than trick, which makes my personal Jack O'Lantern grin with a lascivious smile. Enjoy.

P.S. The day before the party, V.S. MILFtastic Alessandra Ambrosio hit her daughter's school dressed as a naughty little devil in Daisy Dukes. I won't soil the sanctity of the elementary school Halloween Party by telling you exactly what I'd like to do with sextastic Satan, but suffice it to say, it would send me straight to Hell.

Kelly Brook Bikini Pokes, Beyonce Hot Mommy Body, Kendall Jenner Covered Nekkid Highlight the Sextastic Twitpic Roundup

Oh, what a week of selfies this has been. The wonderful media of self-expression by attention craving sextastic celebrities that send their self-shot or friend-shot hot candids up into the social sphere for everyone to gaze, gawk, and leer. What a truly wonderful cultural invention. I can't imagine living 100 years ago when women passed around fuzzy black and white photos of themselves in flannel one-piece bathing dresses. Oh, no, this is so much better.

This week's Sextastic Twitpic Roundup includes Beyonce showing off her MILFy body in Brazil, Kendall Jenner easing into barely legal with covered topless mermaid photos, Ariana Grande decked out like a schoolgirl, Candice Swanepoel stretching her fine booty, Arianny Celeste faptastic in her bikinis, Nicki Minaj pastied covered topless, and much much more. You owe it to the good and fine computer tech folks operating the Obamacare website to check out each and every one of these stellar candids. Enjoy.

Kelly Brook 12-Months of Wicked Lingerie Hotness

The Beatles sang about eight days a week not being enough time to love a woman properly. I'd like to go on record as stating that twelve months a year is not enough time to lust after the incorrigibly hot Kelly Brook, not when she's barely covered and curvaceous in lingerie. Too much can never be enough.

We brought you a sneak peek of a few of these before, but now check out all twelve-months of Kelly Brook silky busty calendar perfection over on WWTDD.

Kelly Brook Heats Up The Garage in Pimping FHM Pictorial

I'm pretty sure this is an advertisement for Axe and not a straight up pictorial in FHM Turkey, nevertheless, it features the tasty form of the newly single Kelly Brook in some form fitting revealing clothes and that's good enough for me. She certainly looks better than Henry, my auto mechanic who has done over three thousand dollars worth of repairs on a car that's worth half of that and some sentimental value. I'd not like to see Henry in Daisy Dukes, but Kelly Brook, now that is an entirely different matter.

Kelly and I are meant to be together, though I'm sure she's not reconciled herself yet to that fact. She'll have to go through a few more handsome a-holes before coming to her senses and being my lady on the side. You can take a guess as to which side. Oh, Kelly, you do make a clean man dirty, even if he tries to cover that dirt with stanky Axe spray. Enjoy.

Kelly Brook 2014 Calendar Preview Forecasts a Future Year of Hotness

I know, it seems like Lucky '13 just started, but we're now well into 2014 calendar season, including this sextastic sneak peek at an annual that always makes our walls here at the Egotastic! offices, Kelly Brook, ever stunning, even well into our umpteenth year of this collection.

I'm not sure if knowing that Kelly is on the rebound is making her seem even hotter to me than before, but something about this woman just makes me want to jump into her March and not step out until I unleash some April showers on her May flowers. I don't think that even makes sense, but consider it the poorly formed poetry of a man more horny than educated. Enjoy.

Kelly Brook and Me Is Still Pretty Raw

Since the breakup of Kelly Brook from her phone sexting two-timing not-unexpected rugby playing fiance, I've received a good number of calls from various press and media outlets, not to mention from a charity that claims it's helping police dogs. Everybody wants confirmation on the salacious rumor that Kelly has turned to my masculine, yet understanding clavicle in this time of her great emotional distress.

And, while I can't not say that this rumor is false, I can't not say that it isn't not true either. Or, to be more specific, I wouldn't not bet on the fact that I'm not having crazy rounds of backyard grass patch making of the sexy time with the newly single Kelly Brook. But don't quote me on that. And, if you happen to have a home remedy for skin burn, please send that along as well. Or don't not send it I should say.

In the meantime, if you want to see Kelly Brook taking off her clothes in space...

Kelly Brook Lingerie Pictures, A Bit Touched, But Enough to Leave You Feeling Touched

Granted, these wicked hot Kelly Brook lingerie pictures from our friends at Nuts magazine are a tad bit brushed in post-production. Still, there's no denying the underlying sultry curvaceous hotness of Kelly Brook who we've seen both bare-topped and up her skirt in the past couple of weeks. So we have a decent idea of how she looks for real. And we know just how sextastic she can appear in lingerie, as she does in this lust-inducing pictorial.

The idea of Kelly Brook in silky and lacy little nothings on the faux bear skin rug of my living room/kitchen just makes me want to vomit with excitement. You know it's a good excitement when you vomit just a little. I'll turn away so as not to frighten Kelly when it happens for real. And a little Scope before we become two entangled sweaty messes. Enjoy.