Kelly Brook

Kelly Brook Heats Up The Garage in Pimping FHM Pictorial

I'm pretty sure this is an advertisement for Axe and not a straight up pictorial in FHM Turkey, nevertheless, it features the tasty form of the newly single Kelly Brook in some form fitting revealing clothes and that's good enough for me. She certainly looks better than Henry, my auto mechanic who has done over three thousand dollars worth of repairs on a car that's worth half of that and some sentimental value. I'd not like to see Henry in Daisy Dukes, but Kelly Brook, now that is an entirely different matter.

Kelly and I are meant to be together, though I'm sure she's not reconciled herself yet to that fact. She'll have to go through a few more handsome a-holes before coming to her senses and being my lady on the side. You can take a guess as to which side. Oh, Kelly, you do make a clean man dirty, even if he tries to cover that dirt with stanky Axe spray. Enjoy.

Kelly Brook 2014 Calendar Preview Forecasts a Future Year of Hotness

I know, it seems like Lucky '13 just started, but we're now well into 2014 calendar season, including this sextastic sneak peek at an annual that always makes our walls here at the Egotastic! offices, Kelly Brook, ever stunning, even well into our umpteenth year of this collection.

I'm not sure if knowing that Kelly is on the rebound is making her seem even hotter to me than before, but something about this woman just makes me want to jump into her March and not step out until I unleash some April showers on her May flowers. I don't think that even makes sense, but consider it the poorly formed poetry of a man more horny than educated. Enjoy.

Kelly Brook and Me Is Still Pretty Raw

Since the breakup of Kelly Brook from her phone sexting two-timing not-unexpected rugby playing fiance, I've received a good number of calls from various press and media outlets, not to mention from a charity that claims it's helping police dogs. Everybody wants confirmation on the salacious rumor that Kelly has turned to my masculine, yet understanding clavicle in this time of her great emotional distress.

And, while I can't not say that this rumor is false, I can't not say that it isn't not true either. Or, to be more specific, I wouldn't not bet on the fact that I'm not having crazy rounds of backyard grass patch making of the sexy time with the newly single Kelly Brook. But don't quote me on that. And, if you happen to have a home remedy for skin burn, please send that along as well. Or don't not send it I should say.

In the meantime, if you want to see Kelly Brook taking off her clothes in space...

Kelly Brook Lingerie Pictures, A Bit Touched, But Enough to Leave You Feeling Touched

Granted, these wicked hot Kelly Brook lingerie pictures from our friends at Nuts magazine are a tad bit brushed in post-production. Still, there's no denying the underlying sultry curvaceous hotness of Kelly Brook who we've seen both bare-topped and up her skirt in the past couple of weeks. So we have a decent idea of how she looks for real. And we know just how sextastic she can appear in lingerie, as she does in this lust-inducing pictorial.

The idea of Kelly Brook in silky and lacy little nothings on the faux bear skin rug of my living room/kitchen just makes me want to vomit with excitement. You know it's a good excitement when you vomit just a little. I'll turn away so as not to frighten Kelly when it happens for real. And a little Scope before we become two entangled sweaty messes. Enjoy.

Kelly Brook Sucking on a Popsicle to Relieve the Summer Heat (Feeling Cooler?)

I'm not exactly sure who's going to greet me at the Pearly Gates, but I like to speculate that it's Kelly Brook in a little summer dress sucking on a popsicle. It's how I imagine heaven to be. I mean, along with Kelly coyly whispering the words 'you're next' in between long slow intense draws on her cool sweet treat. I'll let you know how that goes.

Kelly was on set of  her movie which I don't know it's name and it doesn't matter because I'm going to be seeing it, Kelly Brook reminded us once again how a hot curvy woman with a cylindrical treat between her pursed lips can be just about the most alluring site in the world. Heavenly really. Enjoy.

Kelly Brook Upskirt and a Glimpse of Panties Clad Destinations Yonder

We may never see a finer sight than Kelly Brook topless as she was on the beach in her recent Cancun vacation, but that doesn't mean I we will ever stop lusting for more more more from the curvaceous Britty brunette model and actress. It's not possible to consume too much goodness. Our appetites are unlimited. Such was the feeling I had upon peeking up Kelly's skirt on the set of Taking Stock in London. I'm taking stock indeed. Some flowery particulars in particular.

If lust and passion for fine women were a finite pursuit, I'd be out of a job. Also, if the parole department in Kentucky ever gets their act together, I'll also be out of a job. But I suspect I'll be fine on both accounts. With women like Kelly Brook, the light grows stronger but the tunnel grows ever longer. Enjoy.

Jennette McCurdy Perfect Figure, Kelly Brook Bikini, and Sofia Vergara Asstastic Highlight the Sextastic Twitpic Roundup

With but a mere 24 hours until the start of summer, the ladies of our lust are kicking it up just another notch with bikinis, cleavy selfies, and a whole series of delightfully delicious auto-published photography. If you routinely follow the Sextastic Twitpic Roundup you'll note that many of these social media pictures candidly relate to many of the paparazzi pictorials we show you during the week. Track the bikinis!

This week's Roundup includes Kelly Brook massive bikini cleavage, Jennette McCurdy showing off her perfect starlet shape, Ashley Sky in stellar bikini shape, Maria Menounous bikini twitpics from her Greek vacation, Victoria Justice perfect legs, and Helen Flanagan perfect all over to name a few. You owe it to the pagan gods of the Summer Solstice to browse through each and every one of these tantalizing self-photos. Enjoy.