Kelly Brook

Kelly Brook Moves on to Purple Stretch Pants, the Color of Booty Royalty

I'm not sure why any of the twenty-seven reps for Kelly Brook I've tried to contact haven't gotten back to me yet. All I want is a simple meet and greet with the actress and model while she's here in Los Angeles. I've even offered to be bound and encased like Hannibal Lecter. Just prop me up on a handcart so I can lay my eyes through my metal face guard onto the fine female form of Kelly Brook. Stretch pants and all, please.

Kelly is daily hitting the gym and martial arts centers here in town, keeping her shape shapely but not out of bounds, and testing out my limits of how many pairs of stretch pants I can see her booty in before I go Mentos in Diet Coke reaction. Just so stellar curvy fine. I wish she would drip some of her sweat at my abode. Really, just the sweat and the pheromones I could collect would keep me going for six months. I think I'm starting to see the reason why she's not calling back. Enjoy.

Kelly Brook Plus Stretch Pants Plus Being in My Neighborhood Equals Heart Palpitations

Be still my rapidly beating heart, as Kelly Brook continues her stretch pants and Spandex tour of Los Angeles' byways and promenades. This time in stretch pants for a trip to the jiu jitsu center for curvaceous woman wrestling. Oh, to be flipped to the ground beneath Kelly Brook, that is the dream. I mean, I actually had that dream recently.

Kelly Brook, I have to insist you call me so we can pick up some hot dogs and hit the beach. You bring along your security guards and your big buff boyfriend and I'll bring along my bat spray to knock them all out so we can be alone along the surf munching on our wieners. That didn't sound right, but you get the idea. Enjoy.

Kelly Brook Kickboxes and Camel Toes Her Way into L.A. Fitness

Just the knowledge that Kelly Brook is somewhere in my neighborhood right now in stretch pants has kept me awake for 96 straight hours. I might have nodded off for an hour or two during the Winter Olympic Games, but who hasn't? Still, my Spidey-senses are firing on all cylinders, the knowing tingle that the bodacious and curvaceous Kelly Brook is within binocular distance has me on edge.

It probably hasn't eased my suffering that Kelly Brook spent the weekend out and about the local environs, first flashing her camel toe in yoga pants as she hiked nearby, and then moving on to the gym where she kickboxed another buxom lady, I suppose mostly just to test the limits of my passion endurance.

The entire ongoing experience is making my pulse rate fire into the triple digits round the clock. I'm told it's not super healthy, but if I survive two more days, I should own a new Guinness World Record. Maybe then Kelly will realize how special I am, and finally accept my need to be smothered by her sweaty bosom. Without hope, we are nothing. Enjoy.

There Is No Escape from the Kelly Brook Faptastic Booty

And why would you want to escape? If anything, I'd like twenty years in a small cell with the bottomside of the curvaceous hottie brunette wo has now brought her booty in tights show to Los Angeles, just to make me even more incredibly uncomfortable in my Zubaz pants.

Kelly Brook was just floating about West Hollywood today throwing down all kinds of passion inducing gang signs with her killer asstastic and her bodacious cleavy top, letting the Yanks know that Jolly Old England didn't get to be Jolly without a gaggle of giggly hot and full-bodied brunettes. Kelly really does float my boat. Literally, I think she could float it. I'd surely like to try. Enjoy.

Kelly Brook’s Curves Come to California (I Need to Hit the Road)

Just knowing that Kelly Brook and her asstastic are within ten nautical miles of my current position has my sextastic sonar pinging on all cylinders. I had to raise the premature enjoyment threat to whatever the color code is that represents the feeling of embarrassment. I'm actively shaking at the moment just seeing these photos of the curvaceous wondergirl on the beach here in Los Angeles.

Kelly packs all her goodies right along with her when she travels. That superior blooming apple bottom, that racktastic barely contained in even the most sturdy of sports bras, and an alluring look that for a British girl fits right into the sunny California beach scene. Oh, man, to spend five minutes exploring Brookland without a chaperone. Heaven. Enjoy.

Kelly Brook Lingerie Pictures Are Downright Perfectly Salesworthy

We've had the grateful opportunity to see Kelly Brook in various bikinis desperately attempting not to snap in half the past several days in Miami, now lingerie from hew New Look underwear line stretching and straining to do the same around her marvelously curvaceous body. The more you see Kelly Brook the more you realize why she has so much trouble with men. Her body is built for trouble.

Someday, I'd like Kelly Brook to model my own line of women's bedroom clothing. It's mostly just a dishtowel with large holes she can try to wrap around her curvy parts while I snap pictures with the pretend camera in my hands. There's no reason fashion needs to be complicated. Not when you're draping Kelly Brook's faptastic female form. Enjoy.

Kelly Brook Bikinis Finally Get Down to the Business of the Boobtastic

After a couple days of lovey-dovey squeezing with her new muscle-head boyfriend, Kelly Brook got down to the real business of her rip roaring bikini body. A little modeling in some hoisting two pieces for New Look. Hey, these Miami beach vacations don't pay for themselves.

It's hard to imagine any bikini capable of containing Kelly Brook's epic bodacious body, but I suppose these especially curvaceous figure designed swimsuits are built for maximum support of the faptastic Brook body. A shame really that such support should be in the hands of seamstresses, rather than in, say, my hands. Nevertheless, Kelly can't possibly hide her goodies behind any manmade material as she made many men hide against swimming pool walls to avoid potential embarrassment. She is quite the looker. I still can't stop. Enjoy.