Eva Longoria

Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, and Eva Longoria Form a Trio of Hotness at Unite4Good

By Bill Swift | February 28, 2014 @ 11:36 am

Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato and Eva Longoria Step Out to the Unite4 Humanity Event in LA

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I'm not exactly sure what Unite4Good is, but based on it's title I'm going to declare it charitable, and hip with the clever use of '4' instead of 'Four'. The kids all love that. I do know that it was a cause grand enough to bring out the sextastic likes of saucy Latinas Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, and Eva Longoria. It certainly has me feeling fine.

Once more, I am left wondering where my invite was to the ball. My fairy godmother seems to have abandoned me too as I was hoping perhaps she could turn my dead AA battery here into a Prius or something and announce I was off to dance the night away with Selena, Demi, and Eva. I guess this all just happens in my mind once more. Enjoy.

TE AMO, SELENA. YOU AND I WERE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER, SOMEWAY

Selena Gomez Hot Performance for Good Morning America

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Eva Longoria in Booty Hugging Tights? Oh, Yes Please

By Bill Swift | November 6, 2013 @ 7:06 am

Eva Longoria Goes for a Jog Wearing Tights in LA

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Now there's something we don't see very often. Certainly not often enough. Candid shots of one of the world's most eligible bachelorettes, Eva Longoria, in body hugging booty tights jogging about town. Typically, Eva is only seen in public highly put together and on paparazzi alert. Here, orange butt-blaring stretch pants.

Is this perhaps an intentional gesture by Eva to get everybody to notice her might fine 38-year old Latina female form? I like to think so. In the very least, I am most definitely noticing. And smiling. And a couple other gerunds. Enjoy.

EVA LONGORIA IS USUALLY DOLLED UP, BUT STILL LIKES TO SHOW OFF THE GAMS

Eva Longoria Flashes Legs in Short Leather Shorts

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Eva Longoria Is Single and Cleavetastically Ready to Mingle

By Bill Swift | August 27, 2013 @ 12:26 pm

Eva Longoria Cleavy Low Cut Top Bike Ride in LA

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Eva Longoria, one of the world's most eligible bachelorettes, is single again after a short passionate fling with a Latino male model who I can't help but feel is both taller and more guapo than myself. But, I guess she got tired of seeing his pretty face every morning, or maybe he just forgot to put the toilet seat back down, either way, it's over, and Eva is once more eligible.

To signal her new found singleness, Eva strapped on a low cut top and promptly took a bike ride around Los Angeles to remind all the men just how sextastic she is. I'm not sure if she toted her 1040K behind her to also show how crazy wealthy she is, for that may have simply started a dude riot. As for me, I care not for the coin of the realm, beyond, obviously, being kept in the lifestyle to which I've become accustomed. But a hot girl on a bike, for that I care very very much. So hot, Eva. Enjoy.

EVA LIKES TO BRING OUT THE CLEAVAGE FOR DRESS UP EVENTS

Eva Longoria Flashing Cleavage at Latino Inaugural Gala in Washington D.C.

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Eva Longoria Grabs Her Bikini Boobs Because Why Not Touch Yourself If You’re Eva Longoria

By Bill Swift | August 6, 2013 @ 9:36 am

Eva Longoria Showing off Her Bikini Body in Spain

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We used to really think Eva Longoria was the world's most eligible bachelorette, after her divorce from Tony Parker. 30's, wealthy, hot, great little body. Then we started following her on social media where she likes to talk, and talk, and talk some more when all her talking is done. And, well... we'd still kill any one of you for the chance to betroth ourselves to this sweet Latina baby, though we might request separate bedrooms like King Henry had with his wives. A visit for the conjugal, then leave her to her privacy with her gal pals in betwixt the evening visits.

Seeing Eva Longoria in a bikini grabbing her own hotself in Marbella does remind us of our original lust for this Desperate Housewife. Just something alluring about a raven haired beauty bronzing in the Spanish sun. So, in summary, yes, we will still make ourselves one with her, but, we might need a bigger white noise machine. Enjoy.

EVA LONGORIA SHOWS UP EXTRA HOT FOR PHOTOSHOOTS

Eva Longoria Sexy Photoshoot in Elle Spain October 2012

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Eva Longoria Wardrobe Malfunction Flashes the Bare Lady Nest (and Maybe a Lady’s Little Helper) in Cannes

By Bill Swift | May 20, 2013 @ 12:19 am

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Eva Longoria Wardrobe Malfunction Flashes the Goods at Cannes

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To be fair, my feeble elderly eyes can't say for sure that Eva Longoria is completely bare down there, and by that, I mean bereft of panties. There may be some translucent undergarment type thing. Either way, I think it's fair to say Eva is most definitely bare down there in the Brazilian waxing sense of the word. Additionally, the photos may indicate that Eva is experiencing that time of the month and utilizing methods that Carrie did not know available when she was in the shower. But, again, hard to say for sure. I'll leave that to the CSI Egotastic! volunteer army out there.

So goes Cannes. Where the rain could not step the A-list celebrities from wearing designer gowns up the red carpeted step to their various photo lines and movie premieres. Eva Longoria and her slit dress were there for the showing of Jimmy P. (Psychotherapy Of A Plains Indian) which I would go and look up what it is, and will, as soon as I stop looking at Eva's cooch. So maybe like another two hours.

Eva Longoria wardrobe malfunctions are happening more and more these days. I can only assume Eva is trying to tell us something. Or, maybe prayers just really are answered. I'll accept either, while I continue to stare. Enjoy.

Eva Longoria Nip Slips! Just the Tops in Bikini Malfunctions

By Bill Swift | April 8, 2013 @ 12:43 pm

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Eva Longoria Bikini Malfunction Nip Slip in Puerto Rico

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Oh, happy days when Eva Longoria, the most eligible bachelorette on Egotastic!, finally finally finally slips some serious full nipple in the midday sun for us all to behold, if not virtually suckle like hungry infant children.

We've lusted Eva Longoria for some time now. And despite our occasional lapses in desire to spend long car rides with the very outspoken Desperate Housewives star, we've never wavered in our desire for a succulent sampling of the hottie Latina's ever-tingle inducing body and sultry good looks. And, now, add to that list, fine headlights peeking out freely thanks to a wonderfully timely bikini malfunction.

Yes, sometimes dreams do come true, if they're purely dirty enough. Enjoy.

Eva Longoria Bikini Pictures Will Burst Your Brazilian Bubbles

By Bill Swift | March 11, 2013 @ 2:42 pm

Eva Longoria Soaks Up the Sun in a Bikini in Rio

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Every time one of our more sextastic celebrities heads down to Rio on vacation, my first instinct is to become very jealous. I really want to be in Brazil for a little rest and relaxation. My second instinct is to try and see those celebrities nekkid, or, in the least, in their little bikinis soaking up the sun along Brazil's more famous coastline.

Such is the case with petite hottie Eva Longoria, who despite our wish that she would generally shut up about more things on social media, we still find to be one of the hottest most eligible bachelorettes on the planet, even un-made up, in her bikini, down Rio way, we can imagine taking her into our heart, if not our pants.

Yes, we're jealous of Eva for laying out in the sun in the world's hot body capital, but we think we have an idea on how to make the rest of the world jealous of just the two of us, and it involves strawberry jam and testing Eva for fruit allergies all over. Enjoy.