Eva Longoria

Eva Longoria Is Single and Cleavetastically Ready to Mingle

Eva Longoria, one of the world’s most eligible bachelorettes, is single again after a short passionate fling with a Latino male model who I can’t help but feel is both taller and more guapo than myself. But, I guess she got tired of seeing his pretty face every morning, or maybe he just forgot to put the toilet seat back down, either way, it’s over, and Eva is once more eligible.

To signal her new found singleness, Eva strapped on a low cut top and promptly took a bike ride around Los Angeles to remind all the men just how sextastic she is. I’m not sure if she toted her 1040K behind her to also show how crazy wealthy she is, for that may have simply started a dude riot. As for me, I care not for the coin of the realm, beyond, obviously, being kept in the lifestyle to which I’ve become accustomed. But a hot girl on a bike, for that I care very very much. So hot, Eva. Enjoy.

Eva Longoria Grabs Her Bikini Boobs Because Why Not Touch Yourself If You’re Eva Longoria

We used to really think Eva Longoria was the world’s most eligible bachelorette, after her divorce from Tony Parker. 30′s, wealthy, hot, great little body. Then we started following her on social media where she likes to talk, and talk, and talk some more when all her talking is done. And, well… we’d still kill any one of you for the chance to betroth ourselves to this sweet Latina baby, though we might request separate bedrooms like King Henry had with his wives. A visit for the conjugal, then leave her to her privacy with her gal pals in betwixt the evening visits.

Seeing Eva Longoria in a bikini grabbing her own hotself in Marbella does remind us of our original lust for this Desperate Housewife. Just something alluring about a raven haired beauty bronzing in the Spanish sun. So, in summary, yes, we will still make ourselves one with her, but, we might need a bigger white noise machine. Enjoy.

Eva Longoria Wardrobe Malfunction Flashes the Bare Lady Nest (and Maybe a Lady’s Little Helper) in Cannes

 
Eva Longoria Wardrobe Malfunction Flashes the Goods at Cannes
Click to See Uncensored

To be fair, my feeble elderly eyes can’t say for sure that Eva Longoria is completely bare down there, and by that, I mean bereft of panties. There may be some translucent undergarment type thing. Either way, I think it’s fair to say Eva is most definitely bare down there in the Brazilian waxing sense of the word. Additionally, the photos may indicate that Eva is experiencing that time of the month and utilizing methods that Carrie did not know available when she was in the shower. But, again, hard to say for sure. I’ll leave that to the CSI Egotastic! volunteer army out there.

So goes Cannes. Where the rain could not step the A-list celebrities from wearing designer gowns up the red carpeted step to their various photo lines and movie premieres. Eva Longoria and her slit dress were there for the showing of Jimmy P. (Psychotherapy Of A Plains Indian) which I would go and look up what it is, and will, as soon as I stop looking at Eva’s cooch. So maybe like another two hours.

Eva Longoria wardrobe malfunctions are happening more and more these days. I can only assume Eva is trying to tell us something. Or, maybe prayers just really are answered. I’ll accept either, while I continue to stare. Enjoy.

Eva Longoria Looks Hot at the ‘Global Gift Gala’ 2013 in Paris

Eva Longoria Nip Slips! Just the Tops in Bikini Malfunctions

 
Eva Longoria Bikini Malfunction Nip Slip in Puerto Rico
Click to See Uncensored

Oh, happy days when Eva Longoria, the most eligible bachelorette on Egotastic!, finally finally finally slips some serious full nipple in the midday sun for us all to behold, if not virtually suckle like hungry infant children.

We’ve lusted Eva Longoria for some time now. And despite our occasional lapses in desire to spend long car rides with the very outspoken Desperate Housewives star, we’ve never wavered in our desire for a succulent sampling of the hottie Latina’s ever-tingle inducing body and sultry good looks. And, now, add to that list, fine headlights peeking out freely thanks to a wonderfully timely bikini malfunction.

Yes, sometimes dreams do come true, if they’re purely dirty enough. Enjoy.

Eva Longoria Bikini Pictures Will Burst Your Brazilian Bubbles

Every time one of our more sextastic celebrities heads down to Rio on vacation, my first instinct is to become very jealous. I really want to be in Brazil for a little rest and relaxation. My second instinct is to try and see those celebrities nekkid, or, in the least, in their little bikinis soaking up the sun along Brazil’s more famous coastline.

Such is the case with petite hottie Eva Longoria, who despite our wish that she would generally shut up about more things on social media, we still find to be one of the hottest most eligible bachelorettes on the planet, even un-made up, in her bikini, down Rio way, we can imagine taking her into our heart, if not our pants.

Yes, we’re jealous of Eva for laying out in the sun in the world’s hot body capital, but we think we have an idea on how to make the rest of the world jealous of just the two of us, and it involves strawberry jam and testing Eva for fruit allergies all over. Enjoy.

Eva Longoria May Have Become Super Annoying, But She’s Still Super Hot

Yeah, I get the letters from you guys about Eva Longoria. I realize that the woman I have declared to be the most eligible bachelorette has become somewhat annoying in recent times, well, long time for some of you detractors, but more recent times for those of us on the ‘Eva Longoria is so hot I don’t care bandwagon’. I’m guessing it has much to do with her becoming a Washington insider, an outspoken partisan politicker, and just generally doing what most people hate celebrities to do — act like they’re informed and knowledgable and their opinion is important. I get that. Trust me.

Still, when I see Eva looking sextastic in her L’Officiel Hommes magazine pictorial from the good people of France this month, well, I want to cut her some slack. I want to say to her, ‘Eva, yes, you can be my girl and constantly beg me for more sexy time, but you’ve got to learn the quiet game just a bit better’. Life is all about reaching compromise. Enjoy.