Elle magazine Posts:

Lais Ribeiro Drip Dry Swimsuit Hotness for Elle

Lais Ribeiro is another helpful reminder that Brazil is destined to be my future home when I retire and intend to surround myself with beautiful beach babes and friendly drug lords who can get me the good cigars. Lais doesn't really even seem to be trying all that hard to look so desperately smoking hot in her one-piece swimsuits on the pages of Elle magazine.

I'm not sure when that sandy bare butt thing became in pictorial vogue once more, but I'm certainly glad it's back. I love a messy thumper on a sultry hot woman. They call me, The Cleaner. No hands. Enjoy.

Miley Cyrus Legs and Some Kind of Fashion for Elle

I wouldn't exactly call Miley Cyrus a fashion plate, unless it be the fashion of furry stripper costumes she flaunts onstage, or less in many of her public appearancesoffstage. Still, the good folks at Elle magazine want in on the Miley traffic wave as much as the next periodical, so they're featuring a distant gazed Miley in some kind of leggy get up in their latest edition.

Miley Cyrus has certainly taught all of us that have fame will travel. She's also taught us, and hopefully the rest of sextastic celebrity land that you actually can show off nekkid and even raunchy and mainstream well-paying culture will still well-pay you and treat you like a star. So many of our lovely ladies remain in fear of this fact. Good for Miley I say again. She's once more proving that prudery gets you nowhere. Enjoy.

Emma Watson Is So Grown Up I Want to Cry

Oh, Hermione, how the years fly by watching you, appropriately and from a distance, go from awkward teen ingenue, to less appropriately, Emma Watson, the grown model actress 20-something in various ladies magazines I routinely pilfer from the hair salon.

Emma's latest and greatest beauty portraiture can be seen in the new edition of Elle magazine, which is the U.S. version so no nekkid fun bits, but still all Emma hotness. She really is a vision of hotness. Someday, soon, she will shun these material objects known as clothes and do a proper sitting, and, on that day, my head will freaking explode. Still, I'd do that deal. C'mon, Emma. Enjoy.

Candice Swanepoel Flashes a Little Sideboob for Elle

The talents of uber-sextastic Candice Swanepoel are extending well beyond her Victoria's Secret work. Everybody wants a piece of Candice these days, and not just the way in which I want a piece of Candice, but more so, to look all hot and fashiony in their brightly colorful magazines.

Like Candice done did for Elle magazine in the U.K., looking all kinds of hot and boob flashy even as she appeals to the largely female readership. Some women are simply alluring enough to survive the women's mag treatment. Candice survives, thrives, and crawls right into my libido where she has her own loft apartment rent-free. I just like knowing she's there. Enjoy.

Kate Upton Can’t Not Be Hot, So She Gives Up Trying in Elle

Kate Upton has this new thing where she's doing magazine spreads in stylish, fashiony, kind of retro chic something or other. Since her latest such visual affair takes place in Elle magazine, I'll have to assume this is for the ladies who get stimulated by seeing such artistry. For us men folk, and our beloved Sapphic leaning women, the staging of it all seems to unnecessary, compared to, say, pictures of Kate Upton eating Cheerios in the buff. See, I just invented a motif that would take five minutes and garner one-hundred times as many interested eyeballs.

But, alas, horny men do not rule the world, just the halls of Congress, so we must obliged the large number of decent but misguided folks on this spinning orb who delight in seeing a fully clothed Kate Upton. Blessedly, there's no amount of staging or wardrobe that could possibly take away from the allure of Kate Upton. Have at it proper fashionable ladies. You can take away our simple skin views but you can't take away our imaginations. Enjoy.

Katy Perry Shows Off Her Legs for Elle

Oh, Katy Cocktease has found another way to get the men interested, in this case going below the belt to flash some seriously good looking legs in the new edition of Elle magazine. Granted, there may be a little post-production angelic effect going on in this photos, but there's no denying that for all we mock Katy for her show-but-not-all wayward stance, she's one alluring pop diva.

One day, Katy Perry will realize the errors of her ways, the mistake in thinking it's okay to use your body to build a career, without ever showing her body in full and fine fashion. Until that day, we'll revel in the delights we can and think loudly inside our own brains, 'Dammit, Katy, show us your boobs already!'. Enjoy.

Bar Refaeli Sexy As Helli in Elle Spain

I could watch Bar Refaeli cleaning trout and get a four hour stiffie requiring immediate medical attention. Oversharing? Absolutely. But I feel compelled to gush my inner most deep and profound feelings of procreative lust any and all times I get feast peeps upon this ridiculously hot Israeli supermodel. Bar Refaeli lives in that class of the sextastic where you feel like she can't even be real. If you touch her, she may disappear. Though, of course, you're going to try and touch her.

Even in this rather innocent spread in the current edition of Elle Spain, Bar Refaeli glows like a highly refined vision of lust inducement, smiling for the cameras so nonchalantly, as if she's not causing millions of men around the world to simultaneously grimace. That is power. True power. I wish Bar would hold me down and lay some of it upon me. Oh, Bar! Enjoy.