Lais Navarro Bikini Pictures the Visual Feast of the Brazilian Hottie Cornucopia

If somebody ever told me to my face, don’t we have enough hot Brazilian swimsuit models, I’d be forced to break my vow of semi-non-violence and punch them directly in the kidney. I think you know my answer. Can we have too much peace in this world? Can we have too many happy moments? Is it possible to have too much beer? Nay, nay, nay. And the same goes for too many outrageously hot Brazilian ladies in bikinis. Just the idea of the question makes my blood boil.

Lais Navarro and her new Nasty Gal bikini spread are exhibit Z in the case for there not possibly being to many sextastic swimwear models. Feasting my eyes upon her visual treats makes me remember the the line of alluring women in this world is never ending, forever replenishing, and the world’s most important assembly line. Lais Navarro is the reason I write thank you notes to Mother Nature and light candles for attractive Brazilian ladies to make offspring. If we could trade in every politician and network TV censor in this world for a great looking sultry lady, what a world it would be. Enjoy.

Lisa Opie Bikini Tight Bodied Perfection in Miami

All that yoga isn’t for naught. Beauty pageant winner and minxy hot beach bum Lisa Opie certainly is showing off the results of her daily hard workout routines, which by the way, we don’t have to do and still get most of the benefits. Quite benevolent of this caring young woman who carries her iPhone in her bikini thong as God intended.

The competition for hot female forms on Miami Beach is the most intense I ever remember. The past year along has seen fifty world class beach bodied models and thespianics routinely cruising and preening upon its sands. It’s not for the feint of heart or the not taut of body with perfect cans. I can’t imagine the pressure of that competition, though I can imagine the girls fighting with pillows to determine the winner. In fact, I’m imagining that right now. Oh, yes, that’s nice, girls. Enjoy.

Miss BumBum Competition Uses A and T to Determine a Winner, Hint, It’s You

2014 Miss BumBum Competition Flashes Booty and Boobs in Brazil
Click to See Uncensored

The actual winner was Indianara Carvalho. She’s second from the right in the main image. But I like to think the entire world wins when the round bootied girls of Brazil take to the stage to name the best asstastic in class and throw in some funbag baring exhibition just to add a little spice to the rump roast dish. Oh, sure, some might find a pageant precisely formed to find the finest seat cushioned girl in all twelve villages a bit anachronistic and not up to the dignified levels of the Miss America pageant for example. But then those people haven’t been watching the Miss America pageant recently. Plus, they obviously hate lady butts so I’m not sure we could ever get along.

The Miss BumBum contest is a fine long standing Brazilian tradition. Why not get rid of hula dancers in Hawaii or half-dressed girls on ice during NHL breaks? Perish the thought. Miss BumBum stays, along with the rest of those skin baring elegant traditions. Let us not forsake our roots, or, worse yet, deny hot women the chance to flash their fun bits. A chill just ran up my spine. Enjoy.

Alexandra Eriksson Bikini Booty Could Sell Water to a Drowning Man

And back to the water. The bottled water and the water line. This creepy 138 water company is now doing two-a-days with crazy hot models by land and by sea, always ever showing more and more skin. It’s really something that needs to be investigated by the FCC or the FDA or EPA or something. I’m sure we have a government department for exploring the over-bikinization of America.

I’d stop showing this multitude of merchandising sextastic models, but, just look at the bikini booty on Alexandra Eriksson. How can you not share that with the world? To possess such a perfectly tanned thumper for just yourself, that’s downright criminal. Much like Pez candies or the flu, this is something you have to share with your friends. And all of you, you’re my friends. Though none of you send birthday presents. So not like awesome friends. Enjoy, Alexandra.

Victoria Silvstedt Goes With Light Purple for Her Bikini of the Day in Miami

Whoever Victoria Silvstedt is always talking to on the cell phone, it’s apparently related to her leading the life of Reilly on the beaches of the world showing off in her various colored bikinis. I’ve never seen her in the same bikini twice, so I’m going to assume she tosses them after wearing and grabs a new one. I have no comment on that particular wardrobe practice save for I’d surely like to know where she tosses her worn bikinis. I’m asking for a friend, who looks a lot like me.

Victoria Silvstedt has recently officially entered the Forty and Faptastic club at Egotastic! It’s like the UAL red carpet club except only the ladies get free drinks. And not those Cosby cocktails, just proper beverages to wet their whistle while I provide foot massages so sensual they are technically illegal in thirty-seven countries. Oh, what I can do to insoles with my ambitious fingers. Victoria, welcome to the club. Your membership card should be in the mail. Wait, what’s your address again? Enjoy.

Dakota Johnson Topless and 50 Shades of Wet and Shimmering on Italian Beach Holiday!

'50 Shades' Star Dakota Johnson Goes Topless in Italy
Click to See Uncensored

Today seems to be shaping up rather nicely, with some alluring shapes that now includes the bare funbags of soon to be big time star Dakota Johnson frolicking topless through the shoreline water of Italy. While Dakota is known for some minor work and modeling and being Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson’s daughter, once 50 Shades of Grey comes out at Valentine’s expect her starring submissive role to rocket her to the top of the media awareness charts. And now you can say you’ve ogled her sweet tender funbags. Though I wouldn’t share that with your lady should you happen to be going to see this movie on Feb 14 of next year.

Short of perhaps making the sexy, my favorite backdrop for au natural ta-ta reveals might just be in and out of the waters of the topless beach. There’s just something magical when you add in the sun and the water and the happy beach fun time splashes. Dakota Johnson and her untouched by 90210 perfect peaches are certain to be circling your libido like a pinball tagging every bumper. Soak it in, remember this moment, and be happy you chose Egotastic over Forbes this morning. Enjoy.

Bella Thorne Thong Bikini Disney Starlet Booty Show Might Just Break the Internet

I hate myself for that breaking the Internet nonsense. Only the FCC can actually break the Internet. Not even a nekkid Kim Kardashian can match that intrusively destructive might. Though fast rising TV and film starlet Bella Thorne might take a crack with her first ever thong bikini pictures from her vacation on the beach in Miami. Bella is another one of these grow’d up super fast Hollywood ingenues who have forgone the tedium of high school for fame and fortune. Oh, that I could have made that trade myself. I would have settled for just fortune really, fame is vastly overrated.

Bella Thorne isn’t one of those obvious exhibitionists like her predecessor Miley Cyrus, even at the same age. Though she is a rather mature young woman who travels the world with boyfriend and not any parental supervision for some time now. When I was seventeen I was caring for myself too and would’ve punched anybody in the face who told me I was just a kid. Well, maybe kicked them in the shins, seeing as how I’m partially a pacifist. Bella Thorne is mightily in control of her own destiny. If thong bikinis and flashing her bare derriere on the beach is part of her plan, I am 100% behind her. I mean, I will literally be spending lots of time behind her. Enjoy.