Michelle Lewin, thy name is asstastic. The Venezuelan bombshell turned American fitness instructor and all around arse-shaper to the stars and would-be stars, doesn’t need any more advertisement for her services than preening, posing, and hoisting her moneymaker in the air and declaring her shop open for business. Do you want a body like Michelle Lewin’s? Well, naturally, I’d have to take it for a test drive before making and formal decision.
Michelle and her thumper extraordinaire took to the beach in Miami in a white bikini to signal to gentleman oglers along the sandy strip that you might as well surrender, her keester owns your soul. The tight muscular body on Michelle Lewin might scare many lesser men, but for me, I see it as a challenge. How badly can I beg for mercy without Michelle actually stopping her domination of me in her two piece. We wouldn’t want that. My safe word with Michelle is ‘harder, oh, god, please don’t stop hurting me.’. That’s actually a phrase, but it works. She’s so righteously fit. I think I might cry, if it’s allowed, Michelle. I love rules. No tap outs. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Splash
Someday I’m going to get me to that Eden Roc hotel outside Cannes where all the luscious lovelies stay during the film festival. Park my yacht the S.S. Egotastic offshore and dinghy into shore for the sights and sounds and smells of all the beautiful women hanging by the rocky side pool along the Riviera. Sweet mommy hotties like Sienna Miller not far removed from entering MILFdom and flashing her sleek bikini body in a bikini that required extensive tugging to stay put on her ready to make more babies body. It’s not the tugging that gets you, it’s the release.
Sienna seems like she’s been a thespianic sextastic for so long now, but she’s really just been on our radar for the past ten years since finding handsome baldie in bed with the nanny and then moving on to bigger and better things, including more skin reveals that aided our falling in lust with her. Sienna, on behalf of men who leer at moms everywhere, bless you and your little bikini. If you could use an extra hand for those tugs and adjustments, let me know, I’ll snorkel ashore. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Splash
Editor’s Note: the original Lupita bikini photos were removed as the photographer and agency who distributed them to news outlets worldwide now claim the subject may have been a Lupita ‘double’ in a giant hat and sunglasses at the very same hotel. Go figure. I wish I could say I knew her body much better than I do. We’ll need to work on that somehow. Above now is certainly Lupita extra lovely at the same venue.
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I’m not sure why Hollywood hot star Lupita Nyong’o is sporting the world’s most reflective sunglasses, perhaps to signal ships at distant sea with updates on coastal weather conditions. I am glad we have this rare opportunity to see the tall, lean, and sultry thespianic in a bikini hanging around the Eden Roc hotel on the outskirts of Cannes. If you’re ever in the area and a movie studio is paying for your lodging, be sure to stay there.
I’m not sure we’ve seen Lupita in a bikini before, or even this few clothes. Outside of those off-putting sunglasses and the big I’m-in-disguise hat, Lupita looked rather ridiculously bikini stunning in her light blue two piece. Front, back, all the which way. Being a hardcore actress, I assume we’ll be seeing Lupita in various body baring roles in the future. But we do so love the candid leers at our favorites. Bikinis are a good start. I’ll send you the next steps via email, Lupita. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
Keleigh Sperry is becoming fast famous by mere sake of hanging out with her celebrity boyfriend Miles Teller for the past couple of weeks on Miami Beach looking all kinds of sextastic in her various and numerous bikinis. Which, for the record, is precisely how people should become famous. This is the worthy accomplishment.
Keleigh spent the weekend in multiple hot bikini looks, showing off her young woman model goodness in various shades of hot little tops and bottoms. She really has got quite the compelling female form for a life at the beach. I don’t wish she was my girlfriend because that word kind of gives me hives, but I could do a week’s beach vacation with Keleigh, even understanding she’d never speak to me again by day three. I’m past being concerned with popularity. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
You turn around and suddenly Jewel is forty and a mom and wearing a big floppy sun hat. Where does the time go? Jewel could probably write a song about that and make it a hit. As for me, I’m content just ogling the MILFy singer as she flashes a little booty cheek, make that, a solid bit of two handed squeezable bottomside in a bikini around the pools in Miami.
Oh, sure, Jewel may not have the tight arse of your average supermodel featured in these here pages, but for those of you complaining about stick figure hotties, here’s a mom with a nice cushion of caring, a thumper of substance that just calls for a spanking, you know, if it’s mutually agreed upon between both parties in writing and there’s a safe word in place. Also, she promises not to cut me off from free rent at her place. Then, the spanking, followed by a lovable caress. I punished with the left and reward with the right. Oh, Jewel’s bikini wet bottom is making me forget my sensitivity training again. That’s when I know it’s good. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
Sexy professional hot person Julia Pereira went to the beach wearing small bikini because she’s kind and wants us all to have a nice long look at her. Her scrumptious lady melons looked highly motorboatable in the tight bikini top. I wouldn’t mind spending a few hours getting to know those ta-tas. Her booty was also present and her lovely perfect cheeks glistening with water droplets in the sunshine. Then she decided to bend over and we got the full few of the glory that is her booty. This is the view from behind that some lucky bastard gets to see sometimes. It is sublime. If I were a poet I would write this post in iambic pentameter so I could properly capture the glory of her booty.
Alas, I can’t really remember how iambic pentameter works. Suffice to say that these pics of her booty are extraordinary.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
Christina Milian was sporting a tiny string bikini in Miami while on a day at the beach. Her supple peaches were looking particularly juicy in a top that could barely contain them. There is some pretty fantastic cleav going on. She then tried to cover up with a shirt but forgot that you can see through wet t-shirt material. Whoops! But I think perhaps the most splendid part of this entire episode is how amazing her booty looks in that bikini bottom. It is firm and fully packed but still has a pleasing round bubble shape that all the kids are into these days. And by all the kids I mean me. Thank goodness we’ve finally arrived at the time of year when we get to see more of women’s booties.
That’s why I hate winter. I don’t mind the cold or the snow. It’s how buttoned up all the ladies are. Viva la summer.
Photo Credit: INF