Michelle Lewin Thong Pictures Set Sail on a Pool Raft Into Your Dreams

If hot bodies could open doors, and they do in my abode, then Michelle Lewin could pretty much walk through any portal in the world just by flashing her thong laced asstastic. Damn that thumper on this fitness model and all-around Miami area body exhibitionist deserves some kind of medal. I’d pin it on her just to watch her crush it betwixt her powerful cheeks and form it into a perfectly smooth diamond.

Michelle avoided the beach crowd and took her bikini sextastic show to the local area pool where she set sail on her raft which just has to be called the S.S. Boner Inducer and put on a show for gentleman oglers within a forty block radius. It’s simply incredibly how tight and taught she keeps her curves. You throw in those 1980′s reflective sunglasses and you have the makings of a visual wonderment. Please, proceed with caution. Don’t chafe to badly before Christmas, especially if you work the mall santa swing shift. The children need you. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Splash News

Behati Prinsloo, Martha Hunt and Say Hello to Vita Sidorkina for the Victoria’s Secret Merriest Skin Baring Month of All

There are two seriously big sales periods for the good and decent lingerie selling folks at Victoria’s Secret. Valentine’s Day and naturally Christmas. You can bet they go big, bigger, and biggest with Angels blowout time in December shoots and catalogs working the male mind into purchasing as much silky little nothings for the female body as possible.

To this end, pretty much every single sextastic V.S. model is out from under wraps this time of year. Martha Hunt, Camille Rowe, Behati Prinsloo, so man of my favorites. But I wanted to make a special note of newcomer Vita Sidorkina. It’s taken me a few attempts to spell her name right. She’s the supremely fine blonde asstastic model in the thong in the lead image. If you can’t remember how to spell her name, there’s no point in learning anybody’s name. Talk about a Yuletide introduction. That’s the way to do it. So much Christmas spirt in those twin cheeks of hers. Now, guy buy your favorite girl some lace and strings to wear on Christmas morning. She’ll thank you later. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: GSI / Victoria’s Secret

Alex Gerrard Bikini Pictures Orange Hot WAG Fun Time in Dubai

Well hello there, WAGalicious and udderly MILFtastic Alex Gerrard, wife of, well, who cares, he’s a soccer player, you’re hot and alone on the beach in Dubai in your perfectly almost not fitting bikini.

At some point I need to get to the beaches in Dubai, the new hot spot for European sextastic celebrities to celebrate their stellar female forms in bikinis a part of the world where we traditionally don’t think of seeing skintastic shows. But there the are. And there she is. One super fine lady who gives WAGS a good name. And a very nice booty. Every now and then I wish I were a world class professional athlete. Just like every seventeen seconds or so, though I would miss all my friends I would ditch in seconds for the long line of lovely ladies coming to audition for the role of Mrs. Egotastic. So, sweet, Alex Gerrard. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: GSI

Kat Torres Models Bikinis Like an Asstastic Angel

Kat Torres is another new blessing of 2014 I won’t soon forget. It’s like one of my crude crayon drawings of the perfect female swimsuit body came to life, only without all the sketching mistakes, just the absolutely alluring bits for the sun to shine upon.

Kat’s tight booty alone could be responsible for more than ten thousand guys fighting over nothing, you throw in those neat treat teats barely covered in bikini tops and there might just be out and out Trojan wars coming soon. That’s what crazy sextastic women do to men. When you make ten million men dream of having you as their queen, then you step away for a nap, bad things are going to happen. But culling of the herd is all part of nature’s plan. I’m sure it was all discussed at the time your killer butt cheeks were being designed. Oh, Kat, you are a killer. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: FameFlyNet

Alexandra Eriksson Hot Bikini in Black for the Blue Feelings Down Below

Consider me officially a fan of the work of Alexandra Eriksson and her hot beach body pimping. She really has one of the finer west coast bodies, representing while so many of her peers are off in Miami. And represent she does.

Yes, she’s still taking cash from the creepy bottled water people. And, yes, she’s still looking faptastically amazing while doing so. One piece, two piece, no pieces bathing suits if you please, Alexandra. Your talents are such that your best clothes modeling options may be no clothes at all. I shall be the judge of that when the time comes and my shades are pulled. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: FameFlyNet

Kate Upton Bikinis Bouncy Goodness Covered Topless for SI

Well hello there Kate Upton. What brings you to this beach all barely covered topless and outrageously sextastic looking in a barely bikini? Pimping Sports Illustrated? That sounds pretty solid. How about I give you a little neck-plus massage as you tell me about your latest gig.

Damn if Kate Upton doesn’t seem to look like she came forth topless from some sandy shore, like a mermaid who wished for human form so she could take to dry land and torment men. I can’t be sure of this theory of course, but this bosomy bombshell certainly never looks more at home and comfortable then when laying with her faptastic funbags in her hands across some exotic shoreline. Kate, consider me to be your humble slave. And remember, no task is too small or too intimate for me to be assigned. Give me an hour and an obscenely tiny washcloth and I will assure you there will be no sand left anywhere on your body. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Sports Illustrated

Kat Torres’ Booty Is Amazing And Other Fine Things To Ogle

Kat Torres Does A Beach Photo Shoot

Kat Torres has a thumper for the ages in these bikini pics for 138 Water. (Hollywood Tuna)

Karrueche Tran shows off some major cleave in this interview. (TMZ)

I’d like to show Katie Holmes my Van Der Beek, if you get my meaning. (Huffington Post)

Anni Jurgenson is all kinds of nekkid for Odda Magazine. (Drunken Stepfather)

Damn, Selena Gomez takes some hot Instagram pics. (Popoholic)

Hailey Baldwin makes a sexy lingerie video and it is good. (The Superficial)

Isabeli Fontana pole dancing. That is all. (COED)