Bikinis Posts:

Candice Swanepoel Bikini Booty Lifeguard Sextastic in Malibu

I'm not exactly sure why Candice Swanepoel and her Our Lady of Swanepoel bikini booty was working the lifeguard tower in Malibu, I only know it sent me rushing into the ocean to drown just enough to require her mouth to mouth. Or, you know, mouth to whatever might bring me back from the light. Sadly, Candice didn't seem to notice my floundering, what with a million eyeballs leering at her ridiculously hot bikini body in display up on the wooden stand.

Candice Swanepoel isn't just a bikini model, she's a bikini goddess. She was born to pimp bikinis with her outstanding female form. It's a gift from on high that Candice has done anything but forsake. I know the Baywatch lifeguard girls were a bit bustier, but I'll take a streamlined Candice bikini body any day of the week, and twice on Sundays. Oh, Candice, you are the wind beneath my hard-ons. Enjoy.

Ana Braga Frontrunning with Her Beautiful Backside

I might give Ana Braga a pass for jumping on the Bears bandwagon so quickly after one comeback victory, mostly just because I'm so happy staring at her hot thumper in those tiny shorts as she stretches in the part. I'm not exactly sure how Ana came to be a Bears fan, but being a big Windy City proponent, I would not be too dismayed if Brazilian hotties suddenly started donning skimpy bits of Chicago sports team wear.

Ana has become a staple of bikini body hotness along the beaches, trails, and parks around Miami. Every time she dips her asstastic skyward, the sun and moon have a battle over who can spank her naughty bottom first. I'd like to jump into that celestial fray myself. Ana, whatever you're doing to keep that sextastic body of yours in shape, it's working. Keep up the good work. Enjoy.

Camille Rowe Bikini Photoshoot Drops the Sextastic Bomb on L.A. Beaches

As you know, I'm heels over head in lust with Camille Rowe, the French addition to the V.S. arsenal of hotties. Camille is in my hood shooting a bikini catalog thingee and just looking all kinds of alluring and ridiculously sextastic shimmying her world class bikini booty in and out of shorts and bottoms for the camera.

Camille Rowe is the kind of girl I'd leave my wife for. I don't have a wife, but I might just get married so I can leave my wife for Camille, then naturally beg to come back two weeks later when Camille learns I'm not really the guy who invented Lasik who's sitting on trademark gold. Life really gets complicated when pretty women become a part of your world. Still, completely worthwhile. Camille, every time you squeeze a butt cheek my heart stops for a solid fifteen seconds. It's scary, but nice. Enjoy.

Sharni Vinson Topless Bikini Changing Sun Time in Hawaii

 

I'm not sure if Sharni Vinson is still dating the Twilight hunk or not. I do know she is quite topless on the beach in Hawaii, changing out of her bikini top and just deciding, heck, I'm Australian, let's just keep this sucker off while Mother Sol treats my funbags to some Vitamin D enriching

Sharni Vinson could definitely use a month or two of the Bill Swift feeds you a sandwich diet. By simply mimicking my own nutritional model, even the leanest of ladies is certain to pack on 20 lb.s in 30 days, rest assured. Why can't doughnuts be for lunch? With a little lipid love, Sharni could be even more of a visual spectacle, though I'm not complaining now seeing the model and actress prancing topless across the beach. Gift horse and all that. Enjoy.

Claudia Romani Bikini Thumper Has Almost Agreed to Be My Dear Belusted

I feel like I'm making progress with Claudia Romani and her killer tush. The wicked hot bodied Roman beach goddess is no longer returning my love letters to her hiney with threats of legal prosecution, restraining orders, and jokes about how horrible my favorite NFL team are. Just marked unread. I like to think this means I'm making headway. I'm a guy who takes the long term approach to getting what I want. It might take 200 years, but I'll get there eventually.

Claudia, every time your moon makes an appearance on Miami Beach I feel like the sun has just risen for the very first time. Do you see how poetic I am about your asstastic? It's time to let your bottom side say yes to my proposals. I will treat those twin buns of happiness with such respect save for 30 minutes a day when it will be booty play time, no holds barred. Like an all-skate at the rink. Turn on the Warrant and have at it. But for 23.5 hours a day, just chivalry. Enjoy.

Elisabetta Canalis Bikini Sizzle Time Day Before Wedding

I guess every girl gets over Clooney at some point. Former model girlfriend to The George, Elisabetta Canalis, got married to somebody who is probably more handsome and seriously banked than I am over the weekend in Italy. Just kidding about that more handsome part. As if such a thing even existed.

I give Elisabetta credit for getting the best revenge possible, which is to look absolutely amazing, have one sextastic fine female form, and giggle a lot and make many babies. I can definitely help with that last part in the event the new husband starts to fire blanks. Just saying, I made a future king of England, I can make a future Italian male bon vivant who doesn't need to know who his real father is. It'll make him more gritty and interesting and give me some Elisabetta Canalis stories to tell in my golden years. Good for you, Elisabetta. And, good for us. Enjoy.

Demi Lovato Bikini Boobtastic Fun Time in Miami

I'm not exactly sure why, but we hardly ever get to see young X-Factor judge and pop diva Demi Lovato in a bikini taking in some fun and sun relaxation time. Demi went through a lot of emotional rough time in recent years which probably took her out of the public R&R spotlight for a while, but what a treat to get to see her cleavage and crotchalicious in a bikini in Miami over the weekend.

So many have yearned for Demi Lovato for so many years now. She really does have a strong following of men who get a happy tingle every time they see Demi showing anything. So consider today's hot bikini reveal to be an off the charts tingle. Like a 6.4 on the Tingle Scale. Let it wash over you until your entire being feels just like a smile. I know, I should write for Hallmark. Demi, you look great. Thanks for coming back to us in a two piece reveal. Enjoy.