Gaming

Meet the Behemoth, the Latest Badass Nightmare From ‘Evolve’

News | January 19, 2015, 10:29 am

Meet the Behemoth, the Latest Badass Nightmare From ‘Evolve’

So here we are, almost a month into the brave, futuristic new world of 2015. We don’t have teleports, or hoverboards, or anything else that the beardy sci-fi writers of the eighties promised we would by now, but we’re making do. So let's look ahead with a little optimism. Right there among... Read More

This ‘Metal Gear Solid’ Snarky Fan Movie Deserves 4:49 of Your Time

News | January 16, 2015, 11:58 am

This ‘Metal Gear Solid’ Snarky Fan Movie Deserves 4:49 of Your Time

Metal Gear knows what it likes. Two things, mainly: guntastic melodrama and good ol’ fashioned crazitude. One minute, you’re emroiled in an intense twenty minute discussion about nuclear conspiracies and government cover-ups. The next, you’re hiding in a locker like a big bearded girl.... Read More

The Weekly WTF: Pokémon's Creeptastic Secret

News | January 15, 2015, 10:56 am

The Weekly WTF: Pokémon's Creeptastic Secret

Nintendo look so sweet and innocent, don’t they? With their family friendly reputation, cutesy-ass Mii characters out the wazzoo and childlike experimentation with this new 'online play’ thing they’ve just discovered. But that’s the ruse. As we know, it’s always the quiet ones. I had... Read More

Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Black & White

News | January 13, 2015, 10:12 am

Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Black & White

It’s kind of a gray area, right here. How far back must a game go to be deemed retro? Is 2001 distant enough to qualify? Well, when you’ve got a badass renegade mothereffer like me typing words at your face, yes. Yes it can. Fourteen years is a pretty damn long time, after all. Ol’ Justin... Read More

Three Minutes With One of the Most Craptacular Games in the Universe

News | January 12, 2015, 11:47 am

Three Minutes With One of the Most Craptacular Games in the Universe

Now, I don’t know why speedruns are a thing. It’s another way to swing your big ol’ gaming e-peen around, and perhaps get yourself a world record too; that’s probably enough for the nerdly faithful. Said nerdly faithful have surely had their super-thick spectacles glued to Awesome Games... Read More

Have a Face-Stabbin' Good Time as a Zombie in 'Dying Light'

News | January 12, 2015, 10:26 am

Have a Face-Stabbin' Good Time as a Zombie in 'Dying Light'

Zombies are, let’s be frank, kind of bastards. Have you ever met a zombie you liked? Presumably not. They’re all about the moaning, the braaaaaains-ing, the breaking-down-flimsy-barricades-to-feast-on-the-screeching-mortals-within-ing and face-chewing. Because of these guys, you can’t ever... Read More

January's PS Plus Offers are Sponsored by the Mantastic Duke Nukem

News | January 9, 2015, 11:59 am

January's PS Plus Offers are Sponsored by the Mantastic Duke Nukem

So the holiday festivities are over. That ball-busting New Years hangover you had has finally eased, and it’s back to work for us all. I hope ol’ Santa treated you well, Ego-friends. If he didn’t (and frankly, he can be a bit of a bastard, I’ve been asking for that jet pack since 1998),... Read More

Gaming’s Whacked Out Week: PlayStation is No Longer the King of Porn

News | January 9, 2015, 10:15 am

Gaming’s Whacked Out Week: PlayStation is No Longer the King of Porn

Damn it, Sony. We were fine with you giving the Vita the middle finger, and leaving it to die a slow and useless death. You did it stealthily, first just pretending not to hear our pleas for, y’know, a game or two on this thing please? Now, you’ve abandoned the pretense entirely and erased it... Read More

‘Assassin’s Creed: Unity’ DLC Has No Freaking Time For Kings

News | January 7, 2015, 11:43 am

‘Assassin’s Creed: Unity’ DLC Has No Freaking Time For Kings

You’ve got to hand it to Ubisoft. These renegade badasses give no effs. They’re cruising through the gates of hell on grandma’s mobility scooter, fearing nothing and no-one. If they want to give their DLC a tediously appropriate name, they’re going to unapologetically do so. And what... Read More

Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Vagrant Story

News | January 6, 2015, 10:03 am

Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Vagrant Story

Around these parts, the vagrant-related stories aren’t all that interesting. That drunk hobo outside Egotastic Towers exposed himself to me again as I came into work this morning. That’s a hairy wang, right there. Y’know, that sort of thing. Just the kind of everyday stuff that isn’t worth... Read More