Yes indeed, gentlemen. As most of the gaming-inclined among us can attest, Satan decreed back in the nineties that movie tie-in video games will always be huge festering heaps of horseshit (there are a scant few that belie this rule, but we shan’t be pernickety there. Would you contradict the devil... Read More
Inconceivably, that isn’t a rhetorical question. Nothing in the goddamn cosmos is not the answer, either. Fear not, though, gentlemen. Do not adjust your Egotastic! What we need, as the weekend and copious alcohol consumption draws near, is one final dose of balls-out crazy to give the working week... Read More
If we’re being pernickety, The Simpsons wasn’t a movie in 2001, when Satan consumed copious quantities of Ex-Lax on his underworld toilet, shat up a storm and expelled this festering ballache from his bowels onto unsuspecting PlayStation consoles everywhere. But there is one now. They even named... Read More
The bonanza, we’ll concede, consists of... those two. Still, in a month that yields both God of War: Ascension and Gears of War: Judgment for our gaming delectation, it’d be fairly dickish to be pernickety about trivial matters like using goddamn words correctly. Who has time for that? Nuts to it. But... Read More
Why do we dudely dudes attend these nerdtacular conventions? There are but three prospective answers to this query. 1. We goddamn don’t, and would rather shave our gonads with a chainsaw while under the influence of several shitloads of alcohol. 2. To get that saggy octogenarian who played Spider-man... Read More
Among the most acclaimed of all Nintendo’s family-friendly frolics (or, indeed, anybody else’s), it’s Super Mario 64. When the N64 was unleashed to gleefully strike the wallets of our more youthful, less middle age spread-y selves right in the faux-leather gonads with the sheer splendor of its... Read More
Boobs, booze and brain surgery, we’ll concede, pretty well sums up our plans for the weekend. (Not that we condone doctors in our fine nation’s hospitals combining the latter two. Remember that poor bastard that went for a routine procedure to have a Spider-Man band-aid applied to his asscheek and... Read More
Yes, yes they are. (Especially the lady-lusting ladies among you.) You hardly need to be a renegade badass from the dark, dingy and dank depths of the devil’s dick to qualify, after all. Largely because, lest we forget, Dead Space 3 was about as ‘terrifying’ as a one-legged kitten with a limp and... Read More
God of War, as you can all attest, is one of the most goretacular properties in the gamingsphere. A hack and slash in the most viciously visceral, literal terms, this is a balls-out action extravaganza with its balls right out (we’re not, fortuitously, referring to Kratos’s penchant for wearing wang-waving... Read More
You may have thought that the half-assed dating site with a limp scrotum that is date a gamer couldn’t get any more farcical. (Incidentally, the same applies to its equally preposterous sister site, shag a gamer, for those who want to hasten to the genitalia-tennis sessions without first going through... Read More
Is 1996 sufficiently far back in the cloying sands of time to be dubbed ‘retro?’ For the sake of piss-taking and/or snark-ery, let’s say it is. This was the year, after all, that one of the most influential titles in the gamingsphere emerged, crawling out from hell’s rectum -which had freshly... Read More
Yes, gentlemen, that footage is still the greatest, arouse-iest twenty seconds Youtube has to offer. It’s like crack, too; we know a guy (y’know, ‘a friend’) who watched in on repeat for four days before passing out in a squelchy mess of his own waste products, hunger, shame and jizz. His roommate,... Read More
Well crap in our grandmothers’ mouths, this one isn’t pretty. We’d venture that the title alone speaks volumes about the game’s outrageous, goretacular and horrifying sensibilities. It does indeed speak thusly, and what it’s saying is something like, “Y’know, in the sense of going postal?... Read More
The freshly-released reboot of Tomb Raider is simply dubbed... Tomb Raider. They neglected to add our suggested subtitle, Tomb Raider: Wait, Come Back! It’s Not A Triangular-Titted, Confusing Heap of Horsecrap Any Longer! This One’s Pretty Damn Good! Indeed, as our prior coverage here, here and here... Read More
Pokémon, as all you dudely dudes will surely attest, is beaten only by Harry Potter and Justin Bieber in the inexplicably-popular-shitflecks-scraped-from-Satan’s-asscheeks stakes. Nintendo’s steadfast refusal to augment the formula of the games with anything new of note since the nineties has rendered... Read More
