Gaming

Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Battletoads

News | March 17, 2015, 9:06 am

Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Battletoads

Yep. Battle-mothereffin’-toads. Almost 25 years later, this one still brings gamers out in a cold sweat at the very mention of its name. If you’ve ever woken from a harrowing nightmare shrieking not the bastarding hoverbike level!, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Battletoads is pure,... Read More

Jason Voorhees Hits ‘Mortal Kombat X’

News | March 16, 2015, 11:58 am

Jason Voorhees Hits ‘Mortal Kombat X’

Remember what an angry overpowered mofo Freddy Krueger was in the previous Mortal Kombat? Of course you do. He did have that rather funky classic sink-into-your-bed-and-explode-in-a-shower-of-blood Fatality, though, a grisly lil’ homage to Johnny Depp’s Nightmare on Elm Street death. His... Read More

'Titanfall' Turns a Year Old, Offers All DLC for Free

News | March 13, 2015, 11:22 am

'Titanfall' Turns a Year Old, Offers All DLC for Free

When gamers are bitching about DLC (which is freaking always), one of the major bugbears is the cost. It’s all fine and dandy if we’re getting something substantial, like a freshly-made hunk of campaign or the like, but that’s often not the case. Premium pricing for Street Fighter costumes... Read More

Gaming’s Whacked Out Week: ‘State of Decay’ and the Zombie Wangs

News | March 13, 2015, 9:06 am

Gaming’s Whacked Out Week: ‘State of Decay’ and the Zombie Wangs

We all know that gamers can’t resist a bit of dick. That is, creating them. When PS4 favorite Resogun added that fancy-ass ship editor, what did we do with it? Made a fleet of spacecraft with scrotes, that’s what we did. As a rule of thumb, if a game has a level editor or other customizable element,... Read More

The Weekly WTF: The Murderous Monkeys of 'Ape Escape'

News | March 12, 2015, 9:29 am

The Weekly WTF: The Murderous Monkeys of 'Ape Escape'

Super-intelligent monkeys? No thanks. These hairy bastards are smarter than a lot of us as it is. Augmenting their braintastic is just asking for trouble. Didn’t you see Planet of the Apes? It was Earth all along, mothereffers. That’s what smartified monkeys do, and we don’t need any of it.... Read More

'Batman: Arkham Knight' and the Mystery of the 'M' Rating

News | March 11, 2015, 11:22 am

'Batman: Arkham Knight' and the Mystery of the 'M' Rating

I don’t know if you noticed, but our ol’ buddy Bruce has come of age. Batman: Arkham Knight is the first slice of Arkhamtastic to be given a Mature rating. But what does this mean for the game? Maybe it’s a Grand Theft Auto: Gotham sort of deal, seeing the Bat delivering shady packages of... Read More

Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Alien Hominid

News | March 10, 2015, 9:50 am

Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Alien Hominid

Sure, we’re probably playing fast and loose with the word retro again. But nuts to that, this one was a staple part of my misspent high school life. It’s retro to me, buddy boy, and that’s what counts. I make the rules around here, and you don’t want to eff with me. I do pilates on Tuesday... Read More

Controlling a Video Game with a Dog's Butt: It's a Million-Dollar Idea

News | March 9, 2015, 11:12 am

Controlling a Video Game with a Dog's Butt: It's a Million-Dollar Idea

Video games are used to some nutty-ass controllers. The Wii Balance Board, that ballachingly bad wheel we were expected to play Mario Kart with, a freaking desktop finger-surfboard thing... gamers have it rough sometimes. On the subject of nutty-ass, that’s what indie games do best. With no... Read More

‘Mortal Kombat X’ Isn't Skimping on the Story

News | March 4, 2015, 11:47 am

‘Mortal Kombat X’ Isn't Skimping on the Story

Generally, fighters aren’t big on the whole ‘story’ thing. There’s a fighting tournament, and fighters around the world want to fight in said fighting tournament. With, y’know, the objective of proving themselves the fightingest fighter in the fighting tournament. It’s all very straightforward... Read More