Gaming

Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Metroid

News | April 14, 2015, 10:00 am

Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Metroid

Strap yourselves in, gentlemen. We’ve got both barrels of intergalactic, bounty-huntin,’ holy-hell-she’s-not-actually-a-dude-after-all badassery coming at you this week. Yup. Years before Lara Croft’s pneumatic norkage showed us what a female protagonist can do, there was Samus. We didn’t... Read More

Hey, Microsoft, What’s All the ‘Gears of War’ Mystery About?

News | April 13, 2015, 11:28 am

Hey, Microsoft, What’s All the ‘Gears of War’ Mystery About?

Intriguing stuff. First up, feast your eager eyeballs on this clip: Yes indeed, this is a compilation of clips from Gears of War 3 launch events. Sweaty dudes standing in lines, explosions all over the effing place, questionable Gears tattoos, those shit tote bags everyone ever gives away... Read More

Making the Most Goretastic Video Game You Ever Saw

News | April 13, 2015, 10:27 am

Making the Most Goretastic Video Game You Ever Saw

Thanks, Kotaku. Phrases like 'blood spurted just right,’ 'sinews snapped like meaty rubber bands’ and 'fat didn’t burst so much as it parted itself... to let blades and bullets pass through’ are just the kinds of charming, tasty things we need to hear on a Monday morning. Games, as we... Read More

When 'Grand Theft Auto' and Harry Potter Collide

News | April 10, 2015, 11:10 am

When 'Grand Theft Auto' and Harry Potter Collide

Yep, that Daniel Radcliffe. You may know him as that little magical wankpiece Harry Potter. I doubt you’d know him as anything else, really, unless you’ve seen him pretending to be a real boy with those craptastic fake sideburns in The Woman in Black. Anywho, yes. Grand Theft Auto is a world... Read More

The Weekly WTF- The Creepy Ass Not-Zombies of ‘Bloodborne’

News | April 9, 2015, 10:05 am

The Weekly WTF- The Creepy Ass Not-Zombies of ‘Bloodborne’

For much of the current gen console’s existence, we’ve been all, yo, dude, where our exclusives at? Well, those of us who are trying to look cool and a bit edgy and gangster-ish have, anyway. It’s a fair point (fo shizzle), because killer apps have been thin on the ground. For many, the... Read More

Touchtastic Fatalities With the ‘Mortal Kombat X’ Mobile App

News | April 8, 2015, 11:45 am

Touchtastic Fatalities With the ‘Mortal Kombat X’ Mobile App

Okay, Mortal Kombat X, you have our effing attention already. The much ballyhooed brawler has been pumping out the hypetastic big style in the last few months, as we know. We’ve seen tantalizing snippets of gameplay, new fatalities, that fancy-ass character variant thing, all kinds of good stuff.... Read More

Hey, That Dude From 'Final Fantasy’ Called... He Wants His Sexy Back

News | April 8, 2015, 9:17 am

Hey, That Dude From 'Final Fantasy’ Called... He Wants His Sexy Back

Just dudes getting nekkid. Nothing to see here. You know how it is with video games. Bust size sliders, the jiggletacular uber-jiggle of fighters like Dead or Alive, female armor which essentially amounts to women running about in chainmail undercrackers... it can be tough for lady gamers. But... Read More

Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Grand Theft Auto 2

News | April 7, 2015, 10:11 am

Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Grand Theft Auto 2

Rockstar’s crimetastic Grand Theft Auto series is one of gaming’s most controversial. Which, natch, also makes it one of the most popular. What with the shit-your-pants success of the fifth installment, and the ongoing drama of its PC edition, good ol’ GTA is still making headlines. So... Read More

‘Grand Theft Auto V’ PC Edition Busts Out the Sweet, Sweet 60fps

News | April 6, 2015, 11:35 am

‘Grand Theft Auto V’ PC Edition Busts Out the Sweet, Sweet 60fps

The console wars continue to rage on. Skirmish after skirmish ensues on the comment section of Youtube, with Xbox One-ers and PS4-ers talking grammatically questionable smack about each others’ games and/or mothers’ weight problems. PC gamers, meanwhile, give no shits about such things, simply... Read More

The Surprising Badassery of 'Mario Maker'

News | April 6, 2015, 9:29 am

The Surprising Badassery of 'Mario Maker'

I like my men to be men. If you aren’t a studly bearded lumberjack who juggles flaming chainsaws, and you don’t greet fellow manly dudes with that bicep-amundo handshake from the beginning of Predator, then screw you. If you’ve ever cried at a movie moment other than the melting T-800's little... Read More

Gaming’s Whacked Out Week: April Fools Brings Us Metal Gear Airsoft

News | April 3, 2015, 11:34 am

Gaming’s Whacked Out Week: April Fools Brings Us Metal Gear Airsoft

On them thar interwebs, April Fools is a dangerous day. You don’t want to take anything you read online too seriously. A lot of it’s much more subtle than those photos of 'spaghetti trees’ I once saw, and it’s easy to be deceived. It’s even easier to deny like a bastard that you ever... Read More

There’s a Use for the Freaking Power Glove? Seriously?

News | April 3, 2015, 9:29 am

There’s a Use for the Freaking Power Glove? Seriously?

Hold the effing phone. You remember the Power Glove, right? This fancy-ass NES peripheral looked like something the sci fi writers of the eighties would imagine us all having by now. Perhaps to control our hoverboards or something. All this shit-tastic thing could control was NES games, and it righteously... Read More

'Grand Theft Auto V' PC Edition Heads up the Essential Games of April

News | April 1, 2015, 11:50 am

'Grand Theft Auto V' PC Edition Heads up the Essential Games of April

Grand Theft Auto V actually arriving on PC? Not in our effing lifetimes. For so long now, the Windows release has been an odd little mirage on the horizon, like that island of nudey ladies who’ve taken off their undercrackers to lure horny sailors to their shipwrecky deaths. Sirens, if memory serves.... Read More