Chris LittlechildWebsite

Chris is a dedicated gamer and writer who is always looking to improve his skills in both areas. Having failed miserably to pick a major, his degree from the University of Hertfordshire combines English Literature, Creative Writing and History. (Oddly, it doesn’t even end there.) He lives in St Albans, but knows few people would ever have heard of such a place, so the nearby London is always a better answer. From the 'London'-based marshland nest he calls home, he writes gaming/humour/gaming humour articles and the occasional horror story, and benevolently attempts to befriend passing insects. As yet, none of them have been interested. He even offered a range of homemade baked confections to them once, to no avail.

Here’s ‘Grand Theft Auto Online’ with Another Slice of DLC (VIDEO)

GTA Online- San Andreas Flight School Update
At last, the hei... oh, wait.

Grand Theft Auto V is approaching its first birthday now, but Rockstar are still pumping out the DLC updates. They’ve got an impending next-gen release of the game to pimp out, after all.

As is customary with these bonus content packs, we need to take a moment to bitch that heists are still nowhere in sight. And the moment’s over, so now let’s have an ogle at what is on offer.

Feast your eyes, ears and gonads on The San Andreas Flight School update. It’s all far too manly and Top Gun mocktastic, as we learn to fly some rather badass jets and showcase our patriotic (your country here) flag-based parachute bags.

That aside, there are all the usual fancy-ass thingmabobs and doohickeys you expect from GTA Online DLC. New vehicles (of the land and air varieties), tweaks to the payouts of certain missions, all kinds of smaller additions. Check out the piss-takey trailer above for more details.

Via Destructoid.

Oh Balls, ‘Flappy Bird’ Brings Us Another Flappy Turd. With Helicopters

We've long since added Flappy Bird to the list of shit-tastic shit the world has seen enough of. That which should be instantly and definitively banished from all social media, on pain of death.

For the curious, the list currently stands at Flappy Bird, Justin Bieber and rom coms that are too damn light on the com. Which is pretty well all of them.

Anywho, yes. Mere months after removing the game from the App Store because it’s ‘too effing addictive’ (we’re paraphrasing), Mr. Flappy Bird is back with another little ballache. Gentlemen, feast your eyes on Swing Copters.

Quoth Kotaku, ‘it’s a lot like Flappy Bird but going up.’ The same cutesy art, the same simple yet ass-numbingly compelling gameplay, presumably the same urge to disseminate highscores on Twitter despite everybody’s lack of craps to give. Huzzah!

You’ll be foul-your-undercrackers excited to hear that this’ll be available for download tomorrow, and comes in two flavors: Free with ads spewing out of every orifice or paid, ad-free. But for the sake of humanity, give it the middle finger it so righteously deserves and be on your way.

Via Kotaku.

Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Dungeon Keeper 2

Previously in this series, we ogled the cult classic PC title Dungeon Keeper. If you missed that, you’d better get your ass in gear and click those magical red words of link-y fun and goodtimes. Because today, we’re partying like it’s 1999 and bringing you the sequel.

Yes indeed, the devious bastardry of Dungeon Keeper could not be contained in a single game. It was a magic formula that tapped into the ‘let’s be assholes’ impulse we all have in our subconsious. Y’know, the one that makes us steal skinny-dippers’ clothes from the side of the pool. That cheeky bastard.
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A ‘Legend of Zelda’ Tribute for Robin Williams? Get On This, Nintendo

Ah, Robin Williams. What the hell will the world do without you? Whether you were inadvertently setting your fake boobs aflame in Mrs. Doubtfire, making your awesome old Firebird fly with Flubber, or sassing just about every bastard in your stand-up, you entertained us all.

There’s no greater legacy to leave behind than, ‘y’know, I think a little pee came out.’ And that’s worth celebrating, right there.

Nintendoholics seem to agree. As you may know, our ol’ buddy Robin was a balls-out Legend of Zelda aficionado, even naming his daughter Zelda. She is, unsurprisingly, a regular in Nintendo commercials, and also presents parts of E3 and such. But then that’s like naming your daughter Crystal Chandelier and wondering why she’s grown up to be a stripper or a porn star.

Anywho, yes. A petition for Williams to be immortalised in the game series has reached Nintendo. Bolstered with other 100,000 signatures, it reads:
‘...there’s a new Zelda game on the horizon. A bold reinvention, a fresh new open-world adventure for Wii U. I would like to suggest that... Nintendo of America... name one of the characters ‘Robin’ in his memory. He won’t get to play it, but he’ll live on forever in a universe he always loved.’

Nintendo’s response was PRtastically inconclusive (‘We will not be discussing what might be possible for future games during this difficult time, but we will hold our memories of Robin close’), but that’s just the odd kind of acknowledgement he would have appreciated.

Via Kotaku.

Gamescom 2014: Getting Stabtastic in Notre Dame with ‘Assassin’s Creed: Unity’ (VIDEO)

Assassin's Creed Unity
Enigmatic stealthy-stealth hood? Check.

Elsewhere at the show, some of the big next-gen names were flaunting their wares. One that’s always a ball-busting highlight is Assassin’s Creed, Ubisoft’s much ballyhooed stealth 'em up.

The previous release, Black Flag, took the series to all kinds of odd, piratey places. Why we were suddenly drinking rum and blowing the balls off of any ship that dared approach us was a mystery, but we went with it. You haven’t lived until you’ve man-tacularly whipped your shirt off and hunted a big ol’ shark with a harpoon, after all.

The question, then, is how will Assassin’s Creed: Unity build on the huge, dynamic parkour playground that was the last game?

With an addition dose of badassery, apparently. Here’s creative director Alex Amancio, introducing us to one of Unity’s early missions. It’s a merry, homicidal romp through Notre Dame, complete with all the ‘confessional kills’ and death-defying leaps into wheelbarrows full of horsecrap you could ask for.

Watch as dynamic sub-objectives and other fancy-ass new tricks are showcased.

Gamescom 2014: ‘NHL 15’ Brings Us Hockey Done Right. Apparently (VIDEO)

NHL 15
How's this for realism?

You know that canny little trick developers like to pull? The one where they bellow about trailers being made ‘entirely from gameplay footage,’ only for that to be a big ol’ steaming pile of BS? Yep, EA Sports love that one. Here it is again, fresh from Gamescom.

But let’s not be the cynical bastards of cynical cynicism we sometimes are. Whichever way you slice it, NHL 15 is looking more authentically hockeytastic than games ever have before. From what we can tell of this in-engine business, anywho.

Previously, we saw the spangly new realistic puck physics, and how they’d help the attempt to emulate the sport itself as closely as possible. Now, in this footage from the show, we see the atmosphere of hockey (yelling, burly dudes punching face, yelling to encourage more burly dudes to punch face) being brought to lavish life.

Yes indeed. These are crowd physics, right here. And that’s not even a thing, which shows just how revolutionary we’re being. Take a look at this suitably dramatic new trailer, as we await the game’s September 9 release.

Gaming’s Whacked Out Week: Using Horse Crap as a Weapon in ‘Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain’

As fans will know, Metal Gear Solid isn’t afraid to embrace the crazy-ass. Whether you’re climbing an endless ladder to dramatic musical accompaniment, having a quick wank in a locker while Otacon looks on (and earning the wordplay-tastic Snake Beater trophy for doing so) or taking a photo of the steam rising from a guard’s pee (there’s an in-game reason for doing so, that’s not just a pervy fetish thing), anything can happen.

We spent an hour in the third game hunting alligators with a knife, stabbing them in the face and eating them. We’ve no idea what point we’re making with all this, but consider it made right there.

Anywho, yes. Eccentric would probably be a fair word to describe Metal Gear mastermind Hideo Kojima. Also, creator of weaponized horseshit, but that’s four words.

Destructoid brings us this charming tale this week, from the upcoming Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain. The earliest teasers of the game showed Snake adding horse riding to his resume, but we had no idea how useful our ol’ equine buddy would turn out to be. For starters, enemy jeeps are no match for its huge turds. Hit the link and watch as they spin out Mario Kart style after hitting a bump/dump in the road.

Via Destructoid.