Gaming

'Grand Theft Auto V' PC Edition Heads up the Essential Games of April

News | April 1, 2015, 11:50 am

'Grand Theft Auto V' PC Edition Heads up the Essential Games of April

Grand Theft Auto V actually arriving on PC? Not in our effing lifetimes. For so long now, the Windows release has been an odd little mirage on the horizon, like that island of nudey ladies who’ve taken off their undercrackers to lure horny sailors to their shipwrecky deaths. Sirens, if memory serves.... Read More

My, Grandma, What a Dramatic ‘Mortal Kombat X’ TV Spot You Have

News | April 1, 2015, 10:10 am

My, Grandma, What a Dramatic ‘Mortal Kombat X’ TV Spot You Have

Because nothing says impending Mortal Kombat badassery like System of a Down. Apparently. This one’s being pimped to hell, right here. The PS4, Xbox One and PC release is just two weeks away, gentlemen. And that means saturation-amundo. Launch trailers, TV spots, those annoying mothereffin’... Read More

Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Hitman- Codename 47

News | March 31, 2015, 9:12 am

Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Hitman- Codename 47

As we know, Solid Snake is the master of video game stealth. Armed only with a cardboard box, a ‘gentleman’s publication’ or two to distract the guards with and a fairly shit beard, there is no mission this guy can’t accomplish. Sure, he might waste a little time hiding in a locker like a... Read More

A Beginner's Guide to not Sucking at ‘Bloodborne’

News | March 30, 2015, 11:08 am

A Beginner's Guide to not Sucking at ‘Bloodborne’

How’s your first week with Bloodborne gone? Swearily, probably, with lots of the You Died screen. But fear not. If you’re getting your gonads skewered by demonic entities, Open World Games are here to help with some tip-tacular. From Software’s previous fare, the legendary Dark Souls and... Read More

‘Mortal Kombat X’ Gets its Cowboy on With New Guy Erron Black

News | March 30, 2015, 9:15 am

‘Mortal Kombat X’ Gets its Cowboy on With New Guy Erron Black

Mortal Kombat’s Stryker is, frankly, a bit shit. Looking remarkably ‘ordinary’ compared to the rest of the cast, and having no powers of any kind, the cop is a real ill fit. No offense to fans of the guy, but he really does add a Village People air to the whole thing. A much more sensible... Read More

Can ‘Mortal Kombat X’ Top the Best of the Last Game’s Fatalities?

News | March 27, 2015, 11:48 am

Can ‘Mortal Kombat X’ Top the Best of the Last Game’s Fatalities?

That’s Mortal Kombat as in 2011‘s Mortal Kombat, not Mortal Kombat as in Mortal Kombat the franchise as a whole. This is why it should’ve officially been named Mortal Kombat 9, so I don’t have to write shit-tastic sentences like these. Still, I’m now a shoo-in for the Guinness ‘most uses... Read More

The Weekly WTF: The Legend of ‘Shaq Fu’

News | March 26, 2015, 10:18 am

The Weekly WTF: The Legend of ‘Shaq Fu’

The Japanese have a term, kusoge. This doesn’t mean ‘creepy porn with women in diapers’ or ‘creepy panty-vending machines’ (obviously, we know what these horny horn-dogs are like and we salute them for it). It roughly translates to 'shitty game'. Among the most notorious kusoge you’ll... Read More

‘Batman: Arkham Knight’ Bumped Back to June 23

News | March 25, 2015, 9:04 am

‘Batman: Arkham Knight’ Bumped Back to June 23

What? A big ol’ blockbuster game being delayed? Not in our effing lifetimes. Except, of course, this is the way of the gaming world. Grand Theft Auto V is the highest-profile example of late, what with the PC release and heists having been trapped in delay limbo up Satan’s asshole since freaking... Read More

Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Metal Slug

News | March 24, 2015, 9:23 am

Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Metal Slug

In many ways, the run and gun genre is the studliest, manliest, gonads-like-cannonballs-iest in video games. It’s all about raw actiontastic. There may be a half-assed plot (usually involving terrorists) lurking in the background, but we’ve no time for that. We’re just cruising from left to... Read More

Settling the Console Wars, the Smashtastic 'Battle Damage' Way

News | March 23, 2015, 9:40 am

Settling the Console Wars, the Smashtastic 'Battle Damage' Way

Back in the nineties, console wars were pretty damn lame. We’d shun the ginger kid with the glasses at recess for playing Mario over Sonic, cast aspersions on his sexuality, all that kind of bastardly stuff. The SNES vs Genesis debate was serious freaking business, right here. This continued... Read More