chris-littlechild - August 17, 2016
I remember back in Ye Olde Pokémon days. When the original games released in the West, when the first waves of the shitstorm hit us all. I was in my first couple years of high school then, and an utterly crazy Poké-time it was. Muggings and stabbings over the fabled Charizard card, fights breaking out because someone beat someone else in a link battle or card game… it was an all-round ridiculous time.
Two decades later, the ‘mon are back and making news again, thanks to Niantic and their world-conquering Pokémon Go. No doubt you’ve seen it around; everyone from mantastically burly builders to grandmas are chasing these cutesy creatures around their neighborhoods. Sure, it’s got lazy bastards across the world off of their butts, but this comes at a cost. Namely, more madness than at the height of the pre-teen stabbings of the 90s.
By now, we’ve gotten used to headlines like ‘Dumbass Walks Off Cliff Playing Pokemon Go’ and ‘Dumbass Crushed Into Specks Of Spam Playing Pokemon Go In The Middle Of The Highway.’ My personal favorite, up to this morning, was ‘Dumbass Quits High-Paying Job and Leaves Great Career Behind To Become Professional Pokemon Trainer,’ but that’s been blown out of the water now.
Pokémon Go Teens Flashed By Lazer-Wielding Pig-Masked Sex Couple. Just let that headline sink in.
Okay? Got your head around that? Cool. Now here’s Destructoid with the skinny:
‘The report comes from Insjön in central Sweden, where a couple spooked two teens who'd wandered out to play Pokemon Go. "They wore rubber masks depicting pigs' heads and they started screaming and waving a green laser," the mother said. One teen was flashed in the face with the laser, but to no ill effect. With the Pokemon Go teens dispatched, the couple, wearing t-shirts reading "King" and "Queen" started banging out (that is to say, having sex; or, f**king) against a waterwheel next to the highway, backing up traffic as motorists slowed (or left their cars completely) to take in the scene.’
Now, as kinky fetishes go, we can safely define this one as ‘niche.’ Still, if you are one of those people with a hankerin’ for lazer pig sex, Insjön is clearly the place to be. On a completely unrelated note, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to book a vacation in Sweden.
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