Jessica Alba

Taylor Momsen Taped Up Frontal or Jessica Alba Down Top Jigglers, Which Do I Yearn For More?

Do you know me?  Do you really know me? I'm not sure anybody besides my mom, my psychic, and my obese cat, Mr. Wonderful, really know me inside and out. For instance, if given the choice between being the man who gets to remove the tape from the body of young punky bad girl Taylor Momsen or being able to motorboat Jessica Alba and her fine mommy at the park knockers, which would I choose?

No, this is not a trick question. It is one of these two most delicious and individually dreamy options. I will reveal my answer at the end of the day on Egotastic! Facebook. That's called a tease. And not a very deft one at that. Enjoy.

Jessica Alba Goes Snakeskin Miniskirt to Make You Look

You can't really help leer at Jessica Alba, even when she's in mommy housewife mode. Especially when she's out and about in a short snakeskin skirt that triggers between one and one thousand Alba fantasy moments. She's not even trying, or, maybe, just a little, but looking so mighty fine every guy in the street is cranking their neck to see her run her errands.

Jessica Alba was one of the many celebrity ladies invited to the Gwen Steffani baby shower in L.A, running around grabbing presents and fineries and whatever else you bring to a baby shower. Sadly, I've never been invited, even to the sweet lesbionic couples to whom I donate my reproductive services. But if they're filled with girls who look like Jessica Alba in miniskirts, I'd sure like to attend. Enjoy.

Jessica Alba Still the Hottest Mom at the Park in Short Shorts and Tights.

Well, you know we follow Jessica Alba anywhere. If culture norms dictated, we'd bring the GoPro into the ladies room right behind her whilst wearing our wig and Khloe Kardashian dress to sneak in. But, we are gentlemen of an ogling nature, so we stick to the public arena where Jessica spent the weekend as the hottest mom at the park who doesn't even try to be the hottest mom.

I guess she can't help it, even though she tends to wardrobe rather mommy like most of the time, the short shorts and tights just rang our bell, even in the relatively cold weather for L.A.. There's no hiding the Alba sextastic, not even behind the veil of mommy. Enjoy.

 

Jessica Alba Booty Comes Into View in a Tattoo Parlor

Earlier, we got to see down Jessica'a top, now a view at the hot mommy bottom of Jessica Alba bending over in jeans in, of all places, a tattoo parlor. Now, I know what you're thinking, she's probably getting my initials and hers together in a heart with an arrow and maybe a 'will never happen' logo. I'm not completely sure. I do hate to think of her going with the wrong permanent selection, though a little ink on Jessica could be rather hot in the right places.

Until such time as we get to see those particular places, we'll be quite content just staring at her mom in jeans bottom, casually leaning forward as if to say, 'Hey, I'm Jessica Alba, I know damn well this is killing half the world, deal with this honest product.' Or maybe she's just resting. Still another lovely Alba-treat. Enjoy.

I Don’t Need a Lot to Keep Me Happy

I get this question all the time -- Bill, how did you get to be so handsome and generous and strong, like an ox, but with the tender heart of a wounded pussycat.

Of course, there is no single answer to this question. But I can tell you that the key to the happy part is all about being content with the simple pleasures in life. Sure, I'd like that yacht I've always talked about, and playing snake bite in the wild with the co-leads of 2 Broke Girls wouldn't be too shabby, but the real key to satisfaction is finding what you need in your own backyard. And if you happen to find Jessica Alba bending over in your backyard, why then, what else could you possibly need? Enjoy.

Heidi Klum, Kat Dennings, and Jessica Alba Highlight the Hotness at the 2014 People’s Choice Awards

I still have no clue who the people in the People's Choice Awards are, but that annual show the second week in January each year pretty much kicks off the A-list award show season, which means for the next six weeks you can anticipate a ton of glamorous looking hotties all decked out in their finest expensive frocks walking up and down the red carpet discussing the truly wonderful subject of self-importance. We once had a blogger award show but everybody who showed up was scruffy and doughy and wearing ironic T-shirts and not wanting to talk to each other. Albeit, it was slightly more real than the People's Choice Awards.

Despite the silliness of the award show concept, it does bring out the major league celebrity good-lookers, including last night, Heidi Klum, Jessica Alba, Beth Behrs, Kat Dennings, and Malin Akerman, who were my own Personal Choice Awards for best looking cleavage shows on the red carpet. Not that anybody would be slightly interested in that when they could be watching boy teens they've never heard of receive awards for something or other. What a night (to read about the next morning). Enjoy.

Katie Holmes, Ashley Tisdale, and Jessica Alba Black Pleather Miniskirt Weekend

As you might know, I'm something of a fashionista, known widely for my taste in haute couture, prêt-à-porter, and a bunch of other French type clothing words whose meaning escapes me at the moment. When three of my favorite sextastic celebrities appear in short black skirts over the weekend, I'm going to notice. I mean, I'm going to shake spasmodically, chew on a towel until I'm calm enough to function, then notice.

Katie Holmes was unusually high hem-lined in her little skirt at the Z100 Jingle Ball event in N.Y.:

While Ashley Tisdale sported her gladiator kilt and stockings shopping in Beverly Hills:

And, last, but most definitely not least, Jessica Alba, high-styled in an outfit which I'm sure cost more than my rent, but showed off her fine legs in boots to boot:

It was almost to much to bear, and yet not quite bare enough. It was in fact, very similar to a dream I have that involves me getting slapped across the face not twice but thrice for wandering hands. Thank you, ma'ams, may I have another? Enjoy.