Jessica Alba

Is It Wrong to Peek Down Jessica Alba’s Top? (That’s Rhetorical)

We get few chances these days to catch much skin on the stellar body of the MILFy Jessica Alba. What with her being a super mom and the head of a booming eco-friendly baby products Internet company and all. She's got to appear covered up and proper and prim and all the other forms so very antithetical to the very reasons we lust her deeply.

So, sue me (not literally, please, I'm not good with the whole truth thing) if I'm going to sneak a peek down Jessica's top at the park to catch a glimpse of the funbags she's clearly cut us off from. I'm not suggesting she owes us anything, just that like cats for whom milk has been put out on the porch nightly for years, we're going to whine here a bit when the dairy treats are suddenly cut off. And, we're going to be opportunistic oglers. Let Egotastic! be Egotastic! Enjoy.

READER FINDS: Amanda Righetti Topless, Ali Larter Crazy Hotness, Luisana Lopilato Young Modeling, and Much Much More…

 

After a week of near freezing 60-degree weather here in Tinsel Town, we are finally back to endless summer weather which means I need to be heading off to the beach soon with my binoculars, my cooler filled with Mike's Hard Lemonade and push-pops, and, of course, my stuffed otter, Mr. Cuoco. But I'm not even thinking of peeking at girls in bikinis in the offline world until I get some serious business done today. Like the responsibility of assembling the best of our highly enlightened and overly educated and deeply in college debt reader skintastic contributions. You guys (and super hot reader girls) really do give it up each week for each other in such a beautiful, giving, and deviant way. It's really quite touching.

This week's Reader Finds includes Jessica Alba leggy hot in a photoshoot from almost a decade ago now (classic Alba goodness from EgoReader 'Zach'), Ali Larter in not one, but two amazing Heroes-era promotional photoshoots (wicked Larter hotness by way of 'Stacey P.'), Cindy Crawford in a recent way overlooked sextastic photoshoot for Muse (mole-deliciousness provided by 'Erin'), Raquel Welch in a throwback classic see-through shoot from Harry Langdon (70's styling sweetness from 'Decker'), Pamela Anderson shot when she was also quite the young hot babe come to Hollywood (more throwback honey from 'Devon'), Amanda Righetti topless in not so horrific Angel Blade (cinematic funbags via 'Steve P.'), oft topless Britty actress Patsy Kensit flashing chestal heat on screen (yum yums delivered by 'Tony'), Dexter actress Julie Benz also quite funbag flashing on the big screen (courtesy of 'Robbie'), Sudamericana model hottie Coty Alvarez and her major league mams in a pool (muchas gracias para ellas to 'Ian D.'), pictures of lingerie model Luisana Lopilato when she was just starting out (corresponded nicely by 'Yorch'), Stacey Poole naughty nylons in the office (from the deviant mind of 'C.J.'), a hotel room photoshoot prep peek at Bella Thorne and a social media click of Kylie Jenner in a bikini (kudos to 'Marcos' for these two finds), and, last, but not least, to a million and one of you much savvier than I who noticed that we posted a picture of bikini water model Keyara accidentally flashing her two bare nips and forgot to call it out. Bad, Egotastic. Good Readers. Enjoy.

Jessica Alba Is the Sextastic Shape of Halloween

She may desperately try to look like every other mom in the pumpkin patch, but there's no covering up the uber-sextastic. Sorry Jessica Alba. You're simply not like every other mom.

When you go to pick out pumpkins, people are going to notice. Gourds are going to swell. When you pull your little wagon behind you, some of us can't help but imagine you are towing us back to your place for a forced mating session because you desire seventeen more babies. This is the dream. As prurient and as wrong as it is to have about the family friendly pumpkin patch. Jessica Alba, you are the Halloween trick and the treat. Pick me, please. Enjoy.

Jessica Alba Flashing Sexy Legs in Far Too Proper West East Magazine

Yeah, I know, far too proper for Jessica Alba. So, shoot me (I mean, not really, just metaphorically, and even that kind of hurts), but I am still feeling tingly from seeing the uber-MILFtastic model and actress styled and decked out for her spread in West East magazine.

Yes, I know it's for ladies and the fashionable set to ooh and ahh over the artistic majesty, but I can't help but imagine picking Jessica Alba up, then telling her she might be a big overdressed for our dinner date at In & Out Burger, her becoming upset, but ultimately we console each other with a make-up makeout session in the back of my Corolla. A good chess player and a good Egotastic man need to be thinking several steps ahead. Enjoy.

Jessica Alba Cleavetastic Dazzle for the Power of Women

There were a bunch of sextastic power ladies at the Power of Women event in Hollywood over the weekend. You had your Charlize Theron and Nicole Kidman and other A-list women raking in the big screen bucks and awards. But none of them quite understood the whole Power of Woman thing quite like Jessica Alba, who came decked out in a low cut, tan-chest revealing dress for the red carpet, making all men within ogling distance turn to complete mush.

It's not that power to make men weak is the source of female power, but it does happen to be one of the primary conduits. Let's face it, a woman who can make men beg for a peak of her chesty goodness is a woman who commands a legion of mindless followers, of which for Jessica Alba, I'm proud to call myself a member of the rank and file. Sure, Jessica has a savvy business head and apparently admirable parenting skills, but her racktastic, well, that has the power to extend her rule well past environmentally sound products for new moms. The power of the sextastic is limitless. Enjoy.

 

Alexa Vega, Jessica Alba, and Eva Longoria Highlight the Latina Hotties at the Alma Awards

Well, once again this year I was not invited to the National Council on La Raza Alma Awards, despite being one of the biggest lusters of lovely Latina ladies for many years now. What's a guy got to do to these hottie Hispanics in his mind to get a ticket to this shindig?

Lots of awards were giving out by celebrities to other celebrities to celebrate just how awesome each of them were in this past year. Next year they will trade positions and give awards back to their awarders for being double super awesome. So just like every other Hollywood award ceremony. Only this one was packed with sextastic Latinas like Alexa Vega, Jessica Alba, Adrienne Bailon, Eva Longoria, and Dania Ramirez. So, better than other ceremonies for the most part. And even though I didn't win an award for lusting sultry Spanish ladies, I'm still feeing rather lucky here this morning just watching. I like to watch. Enjoy

Maria Menounos and Jessica Alba Together For Visions of the Perfect Sextastic Sandwich

Talk about laying out the two better parts of my dream ménage à trois. Uber-sextastic Jessica Alba came to the set of Extra to hang out with Grecian goddess Maria Menounos, and while I know the two of them were silly gabbing over some promotional merchandising effort, I don't need to hear anything to know that I've just seen my destiny.

Oh, to arrive back in my 900-sq. ft. mini-mansion to find these two lovely ladies jumping out to gang tackle me in a lively game of unhide the sausage. You may say that I'm a dreamer, but on this one, I know I'm not the only one. Jessica Alba and Maria Menounus bumping rear ends against my very soul, that's my vision of heaven. Enjoy.