Candice Swanepoel

Candice Swanepoel Bikini Photos Take Us to the Land of Hotness

Body by heaven. How else to explain the consistently stellar bikini pose downs from the body faptastic that is Candice Swanepoel. To call her perfect seems like an incredible understatement. She’s flawless. Even if you could find a flaw, that would only make her more perfect. Do you see how this seductive riddle never gets solved. Stop puzzling and take in the glory that is Candice Swanepoel in swimwear.

Featured in this delectable pimping spread for Paolo+Murray swimwear, Candice hits all her famous preens and poses, front and back, sides, prone, supine, booty, and just plain inspiring. I wish I could Walter Mitty myself into some of these photos and just experience the world of Candice in a bikini on a beach feeling sexy. I might start searching the far corners of the earth soon for just such a power. Mogwai. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Paola+Murray Swimwear

Candice Swanepoel Bikini Bit of Awesome for V.S.

Nobody does the professional pimping of the swimsuits perhaps better than Our Lady of Swanepoel. It’s as if Candice Swanepoel descended to this planet for the specific purpose of instructing future generations of sextastic models how to pose in two piece swimwear. One heavenly bit of tutoring if you will.

In her latest and greatest round of showing off in Victoria’s Secret promo bikini shoots, Candice displays her stellar combo of ridiculously perfect beach body and the innate skills with her alluring looks to drive many a woman to purchase a swimsuit and many a man to wish he could be reincarnated as one of Candice’s bikinis. Perhaps I’m speaking just for myself on the latter. But it is one of my recurring dreams. Candice, you move me in ways that aren’t quite kosher, but altogether quite tingling. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret

Hey, Bill, Whatcha Watching? (VIDEO)

I got so many positive responses last week to my little bit about what I was watching online on a Sunday evening, I decided to give you my list again. Granted, the bulk of that positive response came in emails from my Uncle Steve followed by, can you help me out with a few bucks, but I like to think his compliments were independently valid. I like sharing. It makes me feel like I’m part of a global campaign to help people see more hot women. If the UN had any legitimacy, I would already be named an ambassador.

As to what I’ve been watching the past several hours, well, how about Candice Swanepoel oiled and glittery booty, Beyonce bikini body hot in her Standing on the Sun video, Stephanie Pratt showing off like a naughty schoolgirl for the Brits, and Doutzen Kroes teasing in black lingerie and stockings. As you can tell, my tastes are diverse. I invite you to share in my virtual playlist. Enjoy.

Candice Swanepoel Bikini Body Sextastic for Her Primary Employer

Our Lady of Swanepoel was delivered unto us for the explicit purpose of modeling bikinis and lingerie. There can be no explanation that isn’t supernatural for the naturally crazy allure this South African blonde generates in two piece garments. It’s not explainable by science or even my third grade education. It simply exists. And we are thankful.

In her latest bikini bit of promotion for Victoria’s Secret, Candice Swanepoel shows exactly why her name is synonymous with sultry sextastic bathing suit shoots. Just look at that body, it’s like staring into a heavenly constellation of stars that just happen to give men wood. Some constellations can do that. There are so many things I want to whisper in Candice’s ear, but I’d probably lead with ‘I’m a mysterious billionaire from a distant country, let us spend one night in this horrid motel before I helicopter us back to my yacht in the Caribbean. Pinky promise.’ Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret

Candice Swanepoel Sextastic And Braless In Jeans

Candice Swanepoel isn’t just hot, she’s unfairly hot. As in, whoever created her must’ve realized how many men and Sapphic leaning women were going to suffer over long periods of time from unrequited lust. Is she borne of good or illicit intent? This is the cosmic question for the ages I’ll mostly leave to the rabbinical scholars as I devote my time to perusing the visuals. Like this simply jeans pimping pictorial that Candice turns into a braless wonderland of eye popping and tent popping lust inducement. Damn. How does she do this? It’s not quite magic, not quite enchantment, but surely something not explained by conventional science is afoot here.

I can’t help but feel like upgrading my couches from Ikea ’02 will improve my odds of returning home one evening to find Candice Swanepoel in nothing but shredded jeans laying in my living room/kitchenette. Though my gambling instincts are rather questionable. I’m a man who relies heavily on blind faith. Also, finding discount furniture outlets. Give me three months, Candice. It takes time for the buys to arrive from Kamchatka. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Osmoze Jeans

Candice Swanepoel Lingerie Fantasies Come to Life for Blondie

If you insisted to me that Candice Swanepoel was the hottest woman currently walking this planet upright, I would tell you that I’m not into superlatives, but all the same, I’m not going to argue with your selection. On the off chance I rub the right lamp one day and the genie says you have but one wish, I suppose it might come down to such a selection. Would you be wrong in picking Candice to be your personal lingerie model and body masseuse for the next five to ten years? Just all shades of right.

Featured pimping soft silky underthings in Blondie Magazine, Candice shows why every single publication in the world wants her in their bikinis and boudoir wear preening and posing and making the rest of the world feel like making many babies. Oh, my, she’s one alluring female form. I feel the need to build something spectacular out of wood and feathers and show it off to her in hopes of impressing. Maybe a Rolls-Royce would make more sense. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Blondie Magazine

Candice Swanepoel Topless Covered With Her Hottie Friends for Victoria’s Secret Swim Special 2015

Hot girls often have hot friends. I feel like if I could just crack the code on the first part of that equation, I could inevitably surround myself with beautiful half-nekkid to fully-nekkid models and celebrities who think of me as a trusted friend they can change in front of. That is the dream.

Candice Swanepoel has some mightily attractive friends. Many of whom she hooked up with to film the Victoria’s Secret Swimwear Special. Just looking at the results, I can see several things that are quite special, starting with Our Lady of Swanepoel laying barely covered on the beach. I’ve always maintained the best way to sell a swimsuit is by having one outstandingly sextastic woman not wear that swimsuit in photos. The Emperor’s new clothes really is the ideal line for these incredibly alluring bodied women. If there’s one thing I know, it’s absent fashion. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret 2015 Swim Special