Candice Swanepoel

Candice Swanepoel Covered Topless And Other Fine Things To Ogle

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Candice Swanepoel uses her arm as a bra. (Popoholic)

It’s cold here but it’s bikini weather somewhere. (The Chive)

Amber Rose grinds up on a dude like a champ. (WWTDD)

Jen Selter is hot in a bikini. So is her mom. (TMZ)

Kate Hudson‘s abs are RIDICULOUS. (Huffington Post)

Margot Robbie is sexy as F for Vogue Australia. (Drunken Stepfather)

Roxanne Sanderson in a swimsuit will make your day. (Hollywood Tuna)

Candice, Lais, Lily, Behati Bikini Up for the Victoria’s Secret Sextastic Swim Catalogue

Just because Valentine’s is over doesn’t mean Victoria’s Secret isn’t still churning at 110% in the pimping of tiny bits of clothing for women with stellar bodies. They’ve just now put out their crazy hot swim catalogue so that women everywhere can dream and men everywhere can dream even bigger.

Candice Swanepoel, Lily Aldridge, Lais Ribeiro, and Behati Prinsloo provide the wettest of sextastic bikini dreams in this smoking hot but highly moisturized catalogue of international female form goodness. You can’t see these pictures and not currently be booking your warm weather vacation. Or perhaps just considering perching outside the window of one of the Victoria’s Secret bedroom windows in a parka with a thermos full of schnapps prepared to dig in for the long winter. I choose both. Just to double my chances of winning. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Candice Swanepoel Lingerie Pictures May Just Set Off A Four Alarm Fire In Your Undercrackers

It’s like a tidal wave of amazingly hot women in lingerie from our friends at Victoria’s Secret leading up to Valentine’s Day. A tsnumai of sextastic women in bras and panties, as if they are daring you to find the strength to resist. Somebody needs to file a complaint at the Hague or something about this kind of inhumane tantalizing of the male parts.

Candice Swanepoel was simply born to model lingerie. I don’t know what else she had planned as a young person, but I’m glad she figured out that those other career paths wouldn’t benefit her or mankind nearly as much as preening, bending, and posing in little bits of silken undergarments. This is her gift and she’s sharing it with the world. There’s no more beautiful human gesture to be made. Not ogling her outstanding body would be an insult of extraordinary proportions. Don’t be rude, stare. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret

More Valentines Lingerie From Victoria Secret Angels Behati And Candice

If you thought Victoria’s Secret was giving up. Think again. With just eleven days to go until one of their biggest holidays o the year, they are turning on the sextastic after burners with the likes of uber-hotties Candice Swanepoel and Behati Prinsloo barely dressed in Valentine’s themed bras and panties, or no bras at all. Panties you may remove with your mind.

Let’s be honest, they’re not playing fair. But you need to maintain your resolve not to purchase lingerie for your wife, girlfriend, mistress, or office secret lust crush. Obviously, I don’t need to tell your mom or sister, that’s just wrong and you need help. Just blanket the idea with a no-go this holiday. Sure, you may find yourself at 50 Shades of Grey on Valentine’s, but you can always play God of War on low contrast and ask your date to nudge you when Dakota Johnson gets nekkid on screen. It’s worth a shot. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret

Victoria’s Secret Angels Show Off Valentine’s Lingerie Collection, Keep Your Bearings

Oh, man, the final two week stretch before Valentine’s Day. Do not bow to the pressure. Look, but do not buy the lingerie. Though Victoria’s Secret has no desire to make this any easier on you. More and more angels like Candice Swanepoel and her girl friends in their bras and panties almost daily now. Pushing you to buy. Stay strong, brother.

I know this is a big time of year for the lingerie maker. If not the biggest. And I know these international models who wear their little bits of silk and lace are ridiculously hot. But stick to flowers. Maybe some dinner. A teddy bear. You buy her clothes and you will have failed. My next venture is going to be an advice book for guys. It’ll be mostly pictures, because let’s face it, that’s our language. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret

Candice Swanepoel Poses In Denim

The lovely Candice Swanepoel used her considerable talents to do this denim-centric photo shoot. All the proceeds from the sale of her denim line go to fighting HIV, which is using your hotness powers for good. The first thing you notice in the pics with her in short shorts is her redonkulously hot legs. Seriously, those gams go on for miles, as a 1940′s private eye might say. Candice has one of those classic tall model bodies that makes life worth living. But let’s not forget about those ta-tas. In one pic she is only wearing a pair of jeans and you get a nice eyeball full of her sideboobage. Candice’s funbags are a work of art. They are the perfect median between too big to hold and the itty bitty titty committee. Are they, perhaps, the most perfect set of sweater hams under God’s heavens? They darn well could be.

I do like a girl in a pair of short cut-off denim shorts. Maybe it’s because I had my sexual awakening as a little boy in the early 80′s to Daisy Duke on the Dukes of Hazard.

Photo Credit: Mother Denim Line

Adriana Lima Leads Squad of Hotties for V.S. Super Bowl Promo

The girls of Victoria’s Secret, the angels, are gearing up for their big commercial promo for the Super Bowl on Sunday. It’s unclear exactly whether the ad is target at the guys or the millions of women who also watch football especially on this one big game day of the year. Either way, I suspect the guys will be watching.

There’s something extra-credit sextastic about world class smoking hot girls in sports uniforms. Full football gear is not exactly my first choice in fine female form wardrobe, but I would work with it. It might get a little weird if they’re all padded up like real ballers, especially when helping them undress. But stay focused on their feminine beauty and what lay beneath and you won’t feel so uncomfortable removing their shoulder pads and jocks. The commercial should be special. I’ll watch it even as I am inevitably saddened by my certain Super Bowl betting loss. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret