Chris Littlechild Website

Chris is a dedicated gamer and writer who is always looking to improve his skills in both areas. Having failed miserably to pick a major, his degree from the University of Hertfordshire combines English Literature, Creative Writing and History. (Oddly, it doesn’t even end there.) He lives in St Albans, but knows few people would ever have heard of such a place, so the nearby London is always a better answer. From the 'London'-based marshland nest he calls home, he writes gaming/humour/gaming humour articles and the occasional horror story, and benevolently attempts to befriend passing insects. As yet, none of them have been interested. He even offered a range of homemade baked confections to them once, to no avail.

‘Batman: Arkham Knight’ is Firing Both Barrels of Hypetastic Again

Batman- Arkham Knight

What with all the Grand Theft Auto V PC edition, heists and Bloodborne and all of that fancy stuff, our ol’ buddy Bruce hasn’t been getting much hype of late. It’s not fair on the poor guy, really. He lives for that shit. Why else would he go out in public dressed like that?

Yep, it’s been fairly quiet on the Batman: Arkham Knight front for a bit. But fear not, gentlemen. Here it is again, right on cue, with another brilliantly melodramatic trailer for us to chew on.

Now, I don’t know if they’ve ever had a good day down Gotham way, but this? This is taking the piss. As you’ll remember, the Arkham Knight has allied himself with Scarecrow in a bid to destroy the Batman. This latest clip shows the extent of the situation. There are squadrons of spangly mech-tanks under the Knight’s command, everything’s on freaking fire, it’s just all round not a good time.

On the plus side, Robin does get to wang some goon or other in the face with a heavy pipe, and so boost his desperately lacking masculinity by a tiny notch. Rocksteady also get to play the how-many-characters-from-the-Batverse-can-make-a-cameo-in-2:30 game that they love to play with these trailers. Check it out.

Batman: Arkham Knight arrives June 23.

Egotastic’s Flash-tastic- The Most Fun You Can Have in Your Browser: ‘Sure Shot’

Sure Shot 2

Ah, Sure Shot. This is what happens when the simplest, most effective idea is given a unique spin, a dose of as-addictive-as-crack-and-could-well-be-crack (the same thing they put in Pringles) and a big effing gun.

Sure Shot is the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie of the gaming world. There’s no convoluted Da Vinci Code-esque plotting here, because nobody has time for that shit. Nuts to it. It’s just two studly snipers, defending the world all on their lonesome from a terrorist threat. There’s explosions, blood and bullets-amundo, and that’s an offer you can’t refuse. So let’s dive in and take a look.

The game is the work of MDickie, a lone freeware developer who has brought the world some real gems. This time around, he’s bringing us the story of two lone troopers, stationed either side of a vast enemy encampment. Their only chance of victory? The ‘sure shot’ technique.

This little slice of tactical badassery involves catching your many foes in a crossfire as they pass between you. Essentially, you have Dude #1 on the far left, firing inwards, and Dude #2 on the far right, also firing inwards. Between them is the killing zone, where your enemies are a-lurkin’. And so the bloodtacular begins.

Sure Shot

On the one hand, you’ve got to commend these two dudes for their brilliant use of a bottleneck. On the other, there’s been one weeny little oversight: this being 2D and all, the whole thing is a flat plane, meaning that our studly heroes can also hit each other. Sure, one of them should’ve thought of shuffling their ass just a nano-inch out of the other’s line of fire, but you know how it is with hindsight. There isn’t always time to think these things all the way through.

Anywho, yes. It’s a tower defense-y sort of deal, using one of the most simple control schemes ever devised: One shift key fires Dude #1’s machine gun, and the other fires Dude #2′s. Waves of opponents approach both of them, and you have to dispatch them all without being too trigger happy. After all, any stray bullets are heading straight for your buddy’s cranium.

This idea adds a bizarre kind of strategy to a simple, sometimes mindless genre. You’re constantly having to figure out each type of foe’s hit points, ensuring there are no ‘left over’ shots. If you’re trying to get the ace medals for each level, you’ll have to keep both snipers’ health full, which is an unholy asspain to manage later on. Those bandana guys who crouch unexpectedly mid-volley? They’re bastards. All of them.

There’s never been a shooter that makes you think in quite the same ways Sure Shot does. It’s unique, very addictive and has that gleefully toony violence I like so much in spades. When it comes to Flash timewasters, there isn’t much I’d recommend higher. Take a look below, or give Sure Shot a try for yourself right here.

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Jason Voorhees Hits ‘Mortal Kombat X’ May 5

Jason Voorhees Release Date

Jason, as we know, does not eff around. The murderous mummy’s boy has been eviscerating hapless trespassers on Crystal Lake his whole life, and is right up there with other horror legends of Movieland. Not many of us would want to tangle with Freddy Krueger, let alone make a mildly craptastic film out of the whole affair.

So when it comes to good Mortal Kombat cameo candidates, this angry bastard is right up there. We saw previously that the Friday the 13th star would be available as part of Mortal Kombat X‘s Kombat Pack DLC, but now we’ve got our release date: May 5.

NetherRealm have taken care not to show us much of anything of the character himself. Machete-flailing Fatalities and suchlike remain in my twisted imagination for now, but I’m hoping they’ll involve decapitated heads being lovingly placed alongside Mrs. Voorhees.’ That’s the Fatality Jason deserves, and the one he needs right now.

After all, when Freddy was added to Mortal Kombat, he got his shower-of-freaking-blood-from-under-the-floor finisher, a la Johnny Depp’s A Nightmare on Elm Street death. It’s the least I expect.

Jason arrives as part of the ‘season pass’ Ultimate Horror Pack. More details at Kotaku.

‘Grand Theft Auto V’ PC is Already Being Hit By the Mod-tastic Stick

Grand Theft Auto V PC Mod

Of course it is. Why do you think everyone was chomping at the bit and bitching about the PC version’s endless delays? Because they wanted to play as a skydiving cat, that’s why.

As PC gamers will know, modders can do some weird, wonderful and shit-your-pants crazy things. Why not add a selfie stick and Instagram filters to Doom? Who wouldn’t want all of their Sims to speak in Klingon? Whose life could possibly ever have been complete without Skyrim’s My Little Pony Dragon mod? All of these are actual things that exist.

So you’d better freaking believe that Grand Theft Auto V will be wanting to get in on the action too. The series has a funny history of its own with mods, after all; cruising through Liberty City as the Hulk isn’t something you forget in a hurry. So what do we have to look forward to?

The game was only released on April 14, but that’s more than enough time for the crazy-ass to start flowing in. Modder Alexander Blade has created what Destructoid describes as ‘god mode and then some’: Super jumps, invincibility, exploding bullets and, as promised, the chance to play as a cat. Go check it out at the link.

Gaming’s Whacked Out Week: Gah! The Virtual Boy Is(n’t Really) Back!

Virtual Boy

Oh yes indeed. The Virtual Boy, that hideous abomination from the depths of the devil’s anus, is rearing its migraine-inducing head once again. Hold on to your butts, gentlemen, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

The more decrepit gamers among us remember the Virtual Boy, Nintendo’s odd little 1995 venture into 3D gaming. It was way ahead of its time, a sort of VR helmet in miniature. It was also horribly shit, offering only a handful of games, those ghastly red-and-black visuals and said eyeball-melting 3D.

Meanwhile, Snatcher is a little more obscure, but much beloved by those in the know. It’s a cyberpunk graphic adventure game from 1988, from Metal Gear maestro Hideo Kojima. The story of a lawman hunting down ‘bioroids’ who are murdering humans and taking their place in society, it’s all very Bladerunner and very badass.

Originally, the Virtual Boy didn’t even last a year before being discontinued. But thanks to some savvy gamers, its legend/infamy lives on. Feast your eyes on Snatcher, running on the craptastic console itself.

This demo took an effing ridiculous 200-300 hours to make, Kotaku reports.

House of Wolves: Something’s A-Stirrin’ Down ‘Destiny’ Way

Destiny House of Wolves

You know how it is with video games. There’s a shitstorm of multi-million dollar hypetastic pre-release. There’s TV spots, those annoying banner ads that take over the whole damn screen if your cursor comes within 50 yards of them, and eight million different special editions.

A while after release, though, all’s quiet. Suddenly, nobody’s assed any more, and said game is like so last week, or whatever they’d say in Mean Girls. One example of this would be the much-ballyhooed Destiny, which many of us seem to have forgotten about of late.

But hey, that makes it right about time for DLC. So here comes House of Wolves, Bungie’s second expansion for the game. If new legendary Raid gear and suchlike is up your alley, you’ll want to take a look at this quick teaser for the pack:

And you’ll definitely be happy to hear about some freshly-implemented changes to the upgrade system. As anyone who spent some time with the last expansion will tell you, this was the grindiest slice of grindtastic this side of Grindtown. The new upgrade path, Ascend, allows you to essentially do as you wish with your gear. A very welcome change. Hit Kotaku for more on this.

The Weekly WTF: ‘Polybius’- When Arcade Machines Kill

Polybius

Yep. We’re not just talking about the Pac-Man machine in Dodgy Bob’s Shit-Stained Gameatorium, which was right next to the toilets and had all manner of suspect stains on the joystick. You’d probably have caught cholera or the plague or something just looking at it, true enough, but this is worse. Much worse. This is freaking Polybius, right here.

Now, this is one of those BS urban legends which isn’t remotely true on any Bizarro world. But it’s damn creepy, that’s for sure. Which is all that counts around here.

The whole thing centers around said mythical arcade cabinet. Supposedly, this rare game was made in 1981 by Sinneslöschen (German for ‘Sense Deletion,’ Creepypasta reports), a puzzler/shooter that only saw the light of day in a couple of arcades in Oregon.

From the footage (which is to say ‘footage’) that exists, this one looks like a mash-up of Space Invaders and Asteroids, with a dash or two of pure crazy-ass thrown in. It was inexplicably popular, the story goes, despite reports of all kinds of bad shit happening to those who had played.

All the usual haunted video game tropes befell them: headaches, nausea, seeing scary figures out of the corner of their eyes, even suicide. The report goes on to say that one arcade owner swore that the Polybius arcade cabinet was often visited by mysterious men in black, who were ‘collecting data’ from the game.

The game was, apparently, rammed full of subliminal messages. The meaning and motive of them remains a mystery, but it’s possible that dastardly and bastardly record companies were trying to cultivate Bieber Fever in a new generation a decade before his birth. Whatever the case, it’s believed that Polybius was a government experiment of some kind.

Copies would disappear overnight, and all machines were gone around a month after the game’s release. Much like Cotton Eye Joe, we don’t know where it came from, or where it went. Or what the hell it was doing while it was here. If it ever was. But that’s the fun of the creepy urban legend.