Chris LittlechildWebsite

Chris is a dedicated gamer and writer who is always looking to improve his skills in both areas. Having failed miserably to pick a major, his degree from the University of Hertfordshire combines English Literature, Creative Writing and History. (Oddly, it doesn’t even end there.) He lives in St Albans, but knows few people would ever have heard of such a place, so the nearby London is always a better answer. From the 'London'-based marshland nest he calls home, he writes gaming/humour/gaming humour articles and the occasional horror story, and benevolently attempts to befriend passing insects. As yet, none of them have been interested. He even offered a range of homemade baked confections to them once, to no avail.

A ‘Legend of Zelda’ Tribute for Robin Williams? Get On This, Nintendo

Ah, Robin Williams. What the hell will the world do without you? Whether you were inadvertently setting your fake boobs aflame in Mrs. Doubtfire, making your awesome old Firebird fly with Flubber, or sassing just about every bastard in your stand-up, you entertained us all.

There’s no greater legacy to leave behind than, ‘y’know, I think a little pee came out.’ And that’s worth celebrating, right there.

Nintendoholics seem to agree. As you may know, our ol’ buddy Robin was a balls-out Legend of Zelda aficionado, even naming his daughter Zelda. She is, unsurprisingly, a regular in Nintendo commercials, and also presents parts of E3 and such. But then that’s like naming your daughter Crystal Chandelier and wondering why she’s grown up to be a stripper or a porn star.

Anywho, yes. A petition for Williams to be immortalised in the game series has reached Nintendo. Bolstered with other 100,000 signatures, it reads:
‘...there’s a new Zelda game on the horizon. A bold reinvention, a fresh new open-world adventure for Wii U. I would like to suggest that... Nintendo of America... name one of the characters ‘Robin’ in his memory. He won’t get to play it, but he’ll live on forever in a universe he always loved.’

Nintendo’s response was PRtastically inconclusive (‘We will not be discussing what might be possible for future games during this difficult time, but we will hold our memories of Robin close’), but that’s just the odd kind of acknowledgement he would have appreciated.

Via Kotaku.

Gamescom 2014: Getting Stabtastic in Notre Dame with ‘Assassin’s Creed: Unity’ (VIDEO)

Assassin's Creed Unity
Enigmatic stealthy-stealth hood? Check.

Elsewhere at the show, some of the big next-gen names were flaunting their wares. One that’s always a ball-busting highlight is Assassin’s Creed, Ubisoft’s much ballyhooed stealth 'em up.

The previous release, Black Flag, took the series to all kinds of odd, piratey places. Why we were suddenly drinking rum and blowing the balls off of any ship that dared approach us was a mystery, but we went with it. You haven’t lived until you’ve man-tacularly whipped your shirt off and hunted a big ol’ shark with a harpoon, after all.

The question, then, is how will Assassin’s Creed: Unity build on the huge, dynamic parkour playground that was the last game?

With an addition dose of badassery, apparently. Here’s creative director Alex Amancio, introducing us to one of Unity’s early missions. It’s a merry, homicidal romp through Notre Dame, complete with all the ‘confessional kills’ and death-defying leaps into wheelbarrows full of horsecrap you could ask for.

Watch as dynamic sub-objectives and other fancy-ass new tricks are showcased.

Gamescom 2014: ‘NHL 15’ Brings Us Hockey Done Right. Apparently (VIDEO)

NHL 15
How's this for realism?

You know that canny little trick developers like to pull? The one where they bellow about trailers being made ‘entirely from gameplay footage,’ only for that to be a big ol’ steaming pile of BS? Yep, EA Sports love that one. Here it is again, fresh from Gamescom.

But let’s not be the cynical bastards of cynical cynicism we sometimes are. Whichever way you slice it, NHL 15 is looking more authentically hockeytastic than games ever have before. From what we can tell of this in-engine business, anywho.

Previously, we saw the spangly new realistic puck physics, and how they’d help the attempt to emulate the sport itself as closely as possible. Now, in this footage from the show, we see the atmosphere of hockey (yelling, burly dudes punching face, yelling to encourage more burly dudes to punch face) being brought to lavish life.

Yes indeed. These are crowd physics, right here. And that’s not even a thing, which shows just how revolutionary we’re being. Take a look at this suitably dramatic new trailer, as we await the game’s September 9 release.

Gaming’s Whacked Out Week: Using Horse Crap as a Weapon in ‘Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain’

As fans will know, Metal Gear Solid isn’t afraid to embrace the crazy-ass. Whether you’re climbing an endless ladder to dramatic musical accompaniment, having a quick wank in a locker while Otacon looks on (and earning the wordplay-tastic Snake Beater trophy for doing so) or taking a photo of the steam rising from a guard’s pee (there’s an in-game reason for doing so, that’s not just a pervy fetish thing), anything can happen.

We spent an hour in the third game hunting alligators with a knife, stabbing them in the face and eating them. We’ve no idea what point we’re making with all this, but consider it made right there.

Anywho, yes. Eccentric would probably be a fair word to describe Metal Gear mastermind Hideo Kojima. Also, creator of weaponized horseshit, but that’s four words.

Destructoid brings us this charming tale this week, from the upcoming Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain. The earliest teasers of the game showed Snake adding horse riding to his resume, but we had no idea how useful our ol’ equine buddy would turn out to be. For starters, enemy jeeps are no match for its huge turds. Hit the link and watch as they spin out Mario Kart style after hitting a bump/dump in the road.

Via Destructoid.

Gamescom 2014: ‘Until Dawn’ Brings Creepiness, Craptacular Cliches (VIDEO)

Until Dawn
The horror!

Our Euro-buddies are right in the midst of Gamescom 2014, that E3-lite no bastard pays quite enough attention to. Well, zip up your flies and listen up, because we’re bringing you the picks of the show.

Beginning with Until Dawn. Now, we’ve all heard games promising to ‘reinvent’ their genres. Sometimes it happens, and we’re blown away on a tide of innovation that sends our brains dribbling out of our ears. The other 99.99% of the time, they’re just blowing smoke up our skirts. Not that we’re cynical.

If there’s one thing that doesn’t revolutionize horror, it’s a small band of dumbasses dicking about in a cabin in the woods at night. With a ouija board. And a homicidal crazy lurking around. That’s Lazy Scary Shit to Put in Movies for Dummies, right there. Still, we’re sure Until Dawn can make it work.

This PS4 title does at least have an unusual angle going on, giving you control of the destinies of these eight unfortunate souls. Who gets impaled in the nads by a pair of rusty secateurs? You decide! (If you’re listening, Big Brother producers, that’d be a great way to liven up the show. You can thank us later.)

Check it out.

‘Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare’ Brought the CODtastic to Gamescom 2014 (VIDEO)

Call of Duty Advanced Warfare
Warfare has never looked so... advanced.

Of course it did. It’s not like one of the biggest names in gaming was going to miss the party. Advanced Warfare hit the Cologne trade show like a ton of bricks. Manly, gunplay-based bricks.

Which is to say, our ol’ buddies at IGN got a chance to play the new installment, and recorded it for our slightly bloodshot eyeballs (no, ma, we don’t have a drink problem) to feast on.

As we know, we’re heading a little further into the future with this one. Dicking around with Kevin Spacey in the year 2054 is something we can all get on board with, but what does it mean for the Call of Duty we know and love?

A mix of the old and the new, apparently. Those iron sights haven’t changed a bit, but the fancy-ass holographic HUD? It’s like something out of Dead Space. These could be just the steps the series needed to take, without changing beyond recognition and awakening the wrath of the Internet rageaholics.

Take a look.

The Weekly WTF: Hey, Remember When Michael Jordan Saved the World from Freaky Basketball-Zombie-Things?

As we know, if there’s one thing celebrities love, it’s hawking shit. The bottom of the barrel was thoroughly scraped by Hulk Hogan’s wanktastic commercial for Honey Nut Cheerios (you thought that Hulk Hogan doesn’t eat nuts and honey, and so did he, but then plot twist: once he tries them, he effing loves them), but there are all kinds of licensed horrors besides.

Such as Michael Jordan dicking about in SNES ‘classic’ Chaos in the Windy City.
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