Chris LittlechildWebsite

Chris is a dedicated gamer and writer who is always looking to improve his skills in both areas. Having failed miserably to pick a major, his degree from the University of Hertfordshire combines English Literature, Creative Writing and History. (Oddly, it doesn’t even end there.) He lives in St Albans, but knows few people would ever have heard of such a place, so the nearby London is always a better answer. From the 'London'-based marshland nest he calls home, he writes gaming/humour/gaming humour articles and the occasional horror story, and benevolently attempts to befriend passing insects. As yet, none of them have been interested. He even offered a range of homemade baked confections to them once, to no avail.

Nekkidness, Zombies and Toy Cars in CoinOpTV’s Essential Games of August (VIDEO)

CoinOpTV- August
Well, 'Undead and Undressed' sure looks like one to watch.

Oh, CoinOpTV. What the hell would we do without you? Decide for ourselves which games to buy, like freaking suckers? Nuts to that.

Here’s our ol’ buddy Robert Welkner again, bringing us another roundup of the month’s essential releases. He has that kind of intellectual, slightly craptacular beard that says, trust me, I know my shit right here. So you’ll excuse us for heeding his words of wisdom.

So what does this gametastic guru have on the agenda for August? Again, pickings are relatively slim. This is the summer, after all; a time when women cruise about the beaches in tiny undercrackers but video games are few and far between.

Nevertheless, let’s see what is on offer. CoinOpTV wants us to feast our eyeballs on Akiba’s Trip: Undead and Undressed, Plants Vs Zombies: Garden Warfare hitting PS3 and PS4, and the fancy-ass new Ultimate Evil Edition of Diablo 3. It’d be rude not to. Take a look.

Choose Your Own Little Slice of Creeptastic in ‘The Evil Within’

The Evil Within is an intriguing prospect. The involvement of Shinji Mikami, Mr. Resident Evil, is enough to make anyone put their pants back on and pay attention. After all, his last series installment was the much ballyhooed Resident Evil 4. We don’t know what in the name of balls ‘ballyhooing’ is, but it’s probably a positive reaction.

So, anywho, it’s great to see the spirit of that classic living on in this artwork. The Evil Within developer Bethesda has provided the three images in the gallery above. As you’ll see over on their blog, one of these will become the reverse sleeve art for the game. Y’know, that fancy-ass little touch where you have an alternative cover to choose from? The one you very rarely freaking notice, because you don’t pay attention to this sort of useless shit? That’s the one. Huzzah!

It’s a vote-for-your-favorite sort of affair, with the most popular choice taking pride of place on the inside. If you’re not enamored by that ghastly barbed wire face weirdness already on the cover of The Evil Within, you’re in luck. You get another option.

The image ‘Asylum’ is way out in front just now, probably because of its homage-iness to that Resident Evil 4 shot (of that crazy bastard with the chainsaw in the woods). Hit the gallery to ogle the other options.

Via Destructoid.

Gaming’s Whacked Out Week: Gah! It’s ‘Sharknado: The Game’

Why? Why in the name of Satan’s shriveled scrote is this a thing?

Ah, Sharknado. In the piss-takey animal-based ridiculousness stakes, it’s right up there with Snakes on a Plane and Black Sheep. We may have had enough of those mothereffin’ snakes on that mothereffin’ plane, but Sharknado isn’t done with us yet.

Yep. Hold on to your asses, the licensed game is here. We all know that movie games have a lamentable reputation for suckitude (we blame the ghastly ballache that is Superman 64 for that), so what do you do when the subject matter itself is already crap? On purpose? How much further up Shite Mountain can you trek?

About this far, by the looks of it. Feast your eyes on a crazy-ass little endless runner based on the movie (trailer after the jump). If nothing else, you don’t get to wang sharks in the face with a sword while surfing every day. Unless you do, in which case your life is much more exciting than ours and PETA is probably pissed at you.
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The Weekly WTF: Yep, The Mainliners Are Still Utterly Creepy-Ass

GAH! Grand Theft Auto may give us a rather romanticized, check-out-my-badass-car view of the criminal life, but this is the harsh reality right here. You’ll be abused in the pants area by ghastly mutants.

You may not be familiar with 2004's The Suffering, a slightly obscure psychological horror game from Midway. It’s the criminally underrated --see what we did there? It’s too damn early in the morning for that kind of wit-tastic-- tale of Torque. This angry dude has been incarcerated in a Maryland prison for the murder of his two children and ex-wife.
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‘Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare’ Trailer Drops Some Abraham Lincoln On Us (VIDEO)

Call of Duty- Advanced Warfare Campaign Trailer
Plus, a brief glimpse of the multiplayer.

At this point, we’re all pretty damn well acquainted with Call of Duty plots. Countries are pissed at other countries, harsh words are said, important dudes’ mothers are accused of having weight problems. Somebody doesn’t send out that thank you card for the cookies at World Leaders’ Meeting About Trivial BS Day, and the whole thing escalates.

Before you know what the balls, furious studly dudes with guns are wrecking shit all over the place. No shit is left un-wrecked.

Also, terrorists.

So, here comes Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare, and its fancy new campaign trailer. It presents a world in turmoil, after the first global terrorist attack in history. Who can prevent these atrocities on innocent nuclear reactors the world over? You, that’s who. Take a look at the shady new ATLAS Corporation in action above.

‘LittleBigPlanet 3’ to Bring the Sacktastic to PS4

Not that it wasn’t as inevitable as our morning boner, but still: huzzah! Or something.

Now, the console has been doing relatively well for itself of late. It hasn’t gloriously ascended into the stratosphere on a success-sleigh pulled by magical reindeer that shit money, but sales and momentum and such have been more than adequate.

But about those money-shitting reindeer. To reach that level, you need a good crop of ball-busting exclusives. The Marios and Zeldas of the world, capable of singlehandedly making us brandish wads of cashtacular at the nearest store clerk. In a non-creepy, please-don’t-call-security sort of way. Is LittleBigPlanet one of those? For some of us, yep.

Our ol’ buddy Sackboy has joined the big leagues. He’s had his own Mario Kart clone, and is growing hair where there was no hair before. He’s ready for his first taste of the next gen. Which is coming November 18, when the game hits PS3 and PS4.

Via Kotaku.

Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Resident Evil 2

Where do you go after Resident Evil? It was the game that gave birth to survival horror, freaky-ass mutant baby with six asses as it was. Capcom’s 1996 classic needed a great follow up. More monsters lurking in dingy corridors, more dogs suddenly careening through windows to make you foul yourself. More nonsensical freaking puzzles with cranks.

So, where do you go? The same damn place a couple months into the future, that’s where. It’s not exactly far-flung, but it’ll do. Hold on to your gonads, Resident Evil 2 is coming at you.
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