Chris LittlechildWebsite

Chris is a dedicated gamer and writer who is always looking to improve his skills in both areas. Having failed miserably to pick a major, his degree from the University of Hertfordshire combines English Literature, Creative Writing and History. (Oddly, it doesn’t even end there.) He lives in St Albans, but knows few people would ever have heard of such a place, so the nearby London is always a better answer. From the 'London'-based marshland nest he calls home, he writes gaming/humour/gaming humour articles and the occasional horror story, and benevolently attempts to befriend passing insects. As yet, none of them have been interested. He even offered a range of homemade baked confections to them once, to no avail.

Modtastic: When ‘GTA IV’ and ‘Watch Dogs’ Collide (VIDEO)

Watch Dogs GTA IV Mod
Just like this, if you squint a bit.

They’re two peas in a pod, come to think of it. Gun-shooty, reckless-drivey, freeroamy romps through big ol’ cities both. Sidequests-amundo, surly protagonists... it’s like Grand Theft Auto IV and Watch Dogs were separated at birth.

PC mods are often just slices of pure crazy-ass. In the past, we’ve flooded the entirety of San Andreas for no effing reason at all, and witnessed the spectacle that was a playable Incredible Hulk. Sometimes, then, it’s nice to see a mod that makes a little freaking sense.

Such as the one that’s in front of your eyeballs right now. The creator has called this Watch Dogs IV, bringing Aiden Pierce and his hacktacular ways into Liberty City as only these madcap modders know how. And it’s much more than just dicking about with the character model and an animation or two.

Kotaku brings us the full report from the modder himself, explaining just how far into Watch Dogs territory we’re taking this. You can hack payphones, ATMs and soda machines, ride atop moving trains like the life-endangering badass you are, and you even have the right Aiden idle animation. Plus much more. Take a look above and hit the link for more.

‘The Evil Within’ Brings Us ‘Voices of Evil,’ With Freddy Krueger (VIDEO)

The Evil Within- Voices of Evil
Don't worry, you've got... a hatchet.

Well, that’s Freddy Krueger in the Jackie Earle Halley sense. Let’s not dredge up memories of the wanktacular A Nightmare on Elm Street remake.

Anywho, yes, our ol’ buddy Jackie is set to bring his vocal talents to The Evil Within. He’s cast as Ruvik, the game’s dodgy-ass antagonist. It looks like just the kind of crap-your-pants romp that needs an imposing, homicidal sort of villain, so let’s hope that works out. 2010‘s Freddy was quite the asshole, after all, so we’re probably good in that regard.

Elsewhere in the Voices of Evil clip, we meet Anson Mount, voicing Sebastian, the star of the show. Detective Kidman, the hero’s partner, will be played by Jennifer Carpenter, last seen in Dexter.

Whether it’s PR bullshittery or not, the game sure seems to be going all out with regards to production values. Digitalspy reports that Shinji Mikami, Mr Resident Evil, has stated,
"One of the most crucial elements to any successful survival horror game is the setting and sound, which includes the depth and authenticity of the voice acting. We brought together a great cast of experienced actors to help ensure that players really believe our characters' emotions and the tension they feel in every scene."

No-one busts their balls to get that right very often, that’s for sure. Take a look above.

Gaming’s Whacked Out Week: The PS3 is Officially the Home of Porn

The mad bastards at PornHub know what they like. And what they like most of all is, y’know, sweaty, legs akimbo, no-pants action. That’s kinda their thing.

But you know this. The clue’s in the name, you may have spotted it. A little more surprising is their enthusiasm for nerdly pie charts. Watch out, these porn purveyors are about to drop some actual freaking science on our faces.

Why anybody needed to know this, we can’t imagine, but here it is nonetheless. This week, good ol’ P.Hub released some fancy infographics, comparing various consoles and their X-rated habits. Which system the site gets most traffic from, how many pages are viewed per visit, average visit duration... it’s all here.

The ‘winner’? PS3, providing almost half of the total combined traffic of five consoles by itself (1.4% of visitors are ogling piss-poor 3D nekkidness on their 3DS, for some damn reason). So, remember: the next time you get a hankering to ogle Naughty Norky Nympho Nurses 9, PS3 is the porn connoisseur’s choice.

For some of the sexiest graphs and pie charts you ever saw, hit Destructoid.

The Weekly WTF: ‘Mario Teaches Typing’

Mario, you poor bastard. As the poster boy of Nintendo's cutesy, rainbows-shining-out-of-everyone's-assholes gaming world, you've been subjected to all manner of horrors. Appearing in over 200 games, not to mention lunchboxes and tampons and McDonald's patties of death... it's a hard life.

There is nothing, nothing ever, that this guy hasn't been pimped out for. Even --hold on to your balls-- edutainment. Are you ready for the craptastic that is Mario Teaches Typing? Because it's coming at your eyeballs right now.
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When Skimpy Costumes Aren’t Skimpy Enough, Just ‘Wear’ Strawberries Over Your Nipples and Be Done With It (VIDEO)

Onechanbara Strawberry Nipples
Because even this is too much clothing, apparently.

Japanese game developers have never been the type to eschew a little NSFW. The Land of the Rising Wang is the home of touchscreen boob-fondling titles, as well as a creepy insert-your-dangler-here wanking peripheral or two.

The lurid, leery likes of Senran Kagura (never has an innocent little cooking game been so chesticle-jiggly) are commonplace. But this? This is a new one, right here.

Meet Onechanbara Z2: Chaos, the latest in a series known for its liberal, pants-optional attitude towards its boobtastic young stars. As you could probably tell from the earlier Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad and Onechanbara: Bikini Zombie Slayers.

But where do go from there? As Destructoid reports, ‘...when half of your characters are only wearing weird, tiny underwear anyways, you’ve cut your upskirt potential in half and undercut their lasciviousness.’ Don’t worry, though. That wasn’t a rhetorical question.

Bananas over their cooches, that’s where you go. Take a look at what happens when video games take the fan service-y ogliness a stage too far.

Link? What the Hell are you Doing in ‘Mario Kart 8?’

Well, yes, that Mercedes DLC was kind of a ballache. But fear not. If you’ve ever wanted to see Link wang a red shell into Mario’s exhaust pipe (and that’s not a sex thing, but is probably readily available in the seedier corners of the Internet), or race as that dead-eyed boy-freak villager from Animal Crossing, your prayers have been answered.

And you totally have wanted both of these things. Don’t try to BS us on that.

Anywho, feast your eyes on the hero of Hyrule’s spangly new wheels. Two DLC packs for Mario Kart 8 have been announced, continuing Nintendo’s relentless campaign to cajole every drop of cashtacular they can from their biggest franchises. We never thought we’d see Mr. Zelda getting his kart on, but when the dollar signs are in fancy-ass Asian businessmen’s eyes, anything is possible.

The two packs are named --so that nobody shits their pants in confusion-- Pack 1 and Pack 2. The first will be available from November, and offers Link, Cat Peach and Tanooki Mario. The second, next May, includes Dry Bowser, the Animal Crossing villager and Isabelle (his dumbass puppy secretary). Along with the characters, new franchise-themed tracks and vehicles will be included. A Blue Falcon kart, you say? We’re on board.

Via Kotaku.

Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Jet Grind Radio

Oh yes indeed. Hold on to your asses, gentlemen. It’s Jet Grind Radio.

Fans of useless fact-tacular will be shit-your-pants thrilled to hear that this was known as Jet Set Radio in other territories. The rest of us only need to know that it hit the Dreamcast in 2000, and has since become a kind of unofficial poster boy for the console. Fans of late nineties cool, this one’s for you.
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