Chris LittlechildWebsite

Chris is a dedicated gamer and writer who is always looking to improve his skills in both areas. Having failed miserably to pick a major, his degree from the University of Hertfordshire combines English Literature, Creative Writing and History. (Oddly, it doesn’t even end there.) He lives in St Albans, but knows few people would ever have heard of such a place, so the nearby London is always a better answer. From the 'London'-based marshland nest he calls home, he writes gaming/humour/gaming humour articles and the occasional horror story, and benevolently attempts to befriend passing insects. As yet, none of them have been interested. He even offered a range of homemade baked confections to them once, to no avail.

Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Smash TV

Ah, Smash TV. You’re a guy of simple tastes, and you know what you like. Mass blood-leaky carnage, a general ridiculous shitstorm, all of that good stuff. This is a relic of a bygone gaming era, right here. Plots? Character development? Nuts to that, let’s just shoot and/or explodinate everyone’s face. Right off.

It’s the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie philosophy, and there’s nothing more man-tastic.

Anywho, yes. On to the point. And we do have one. Strap your ass in, here it comes now.
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PS3‘s Possibly Craptacular New Godzilla Game is Pretty Damn Heavy on the Badass Carnage

As we know, Godzilla is a freaking angry son of a bastard. He’s also gargantuan enough to make the average apartment building look about the size of a gnat’s wang. When you combine these two traits with proximity to a major population center, it’s a recipe for mass destruction, bloody mangle-y deaths by the thousand and more explosions than the entire Die Hard movie series could muster.

Crushing the population of Tokyo into tiny fragments of bone and pain sounds like quite the dramatic video game. Sadly, though, everyone’s favorite monster has never fared too well on consoles. As such, most of us have already dismissed the upcoming PS3 Godzilla without a second thought. Nuts to it, we’ve said, and we’ve probably been right.

But hold on there, buddy boy. There’s still potential for us all to take a sucker punch to the gonads from the fist of not-sucking.

Behold these screenshots, for instance. Sure, they look like hell, powered by vintage 2006 techtastic and all, but still. What they lack in spangly next-gen visuals, they certainly compensate for in pure destructive destruction. With extra destroying sauce and a side order of wreck-every-freaking-thing salad.

Take a look at the violence-strewn gallery, and join us in hoping that Godzilla can catch a gaming break for once.

Via Scified, hit the link for the full set of shots.

‘Alien: Isolation’ Tells Us More About Bringing the Legacy to Life (VIDEO)

Alien Isolation- Reuniting The Cast
Ah, they don't look a day over... 70.

We’ve heard of this business before, granted. Alien: Isolation is bringing the hypetastic by crafting an authentic Alien experience. More survival horror, less holy balls, this sucks grandma’s cooch. It’s going to expunge the taste of furious vomity bile that Colonial Marines left in our mouths. Y’know, apparently.

To that end, you’re going to need the original cast on board. Or a subset of them who can still be assed to get involved with this sort of thing, at any rate.

And that’s just how it happened. The legendary Sigourney Weaver and most of her co-stars got right back into their roles, this interview from IGN reports. Everyone may be looking a whole effing lot more haggard/facelifty than they did in 1979, and sound like the ol’ bastards they are, but that’s all moot. You can take the person out of the Alien, but you can’t take the Alien out of the person. It comes out of its own accord, and makes us all foul our undercrackers in disturbing mealtime scenes.

Here’s the game’s head creative dudely dude, Al Hope, explaining the process behind reuniting the original cast for the Nostromo-based DLC. Take a look.

‘Counter-Strike’ Won’t Be Left Out of the Zombietastic, Has its Own Undead Outbreak

But, Ma! All my friends are doing it!

Yes, Counter-Strike. And if all your friends decided cruising out into the middle of a zombie apocalypse was a good idea, would you do that too?

Actually, you bet your ass I would.

And that’s how little Timmy got sent to bed without his supper. It’s also --give or take a bit of BS-- how the zombies infested Counter-Strike. Again.

There is a stench of me-too-ism about this, after all. The undead are truly de rigueur, and they seem to be shuffling into any video game they can on those rotting stumps of theirs. On that note, feast your brain-hungry eyes on Counter-Strike Nexon: Zombies.

This is a series spin-off from Nexon, developers of Counter-Strike Online. Kotaku bring us a suitably shit-your-pants-excited press release:
"Expanding one of the top first-person shooter (FPS) titles across the world, Nexon teamed up with Valve to unleash a new zombie-themed, free-to-play CS title featuring new game modes, creatures, and more. Fast-paced, frenetic action awaits, as a wide variety of new weapons are added to the fray, with diverse game modes available, featuring countless undead. The zombies in the game are quick, aggressive, and dangerous, which makes for a completely new experience."

The franchise is no stranger to zombies, as fans will know, but this will be quite a departure right here. Hit the link for more on this free-to-play offering, coming our way in the next few months.

Via Kotaku.

Gaming’s Whacked Out Week: What’s the Deal With the Creepy-Ass Kids of ‘The Sims 4’? (VIDEO)

Whacked- The Sims 4 Baby
That face says it all.

As you Ego-dads will know, children are a barrel of unpredictable funtimes. They’ll drink your beer when you aren’t looking, rip your copy of Jugs and Ammo to shreds and shit on the carpet. Or all three simultaneously. Twice. Before breakfast (not that we’re implying you or your small children have a drink problem).

But hey, it’s all worth it. You get to call them --your name here-- Jr, and teach them the noble manly virtues of ogling and scratching your ass on the couch. You can mold your little guy/gal into a tiny you, and hope you don’t screw them up too badly in the process. It’s a magical, fatherly bond-y process, like something from a fruity Disney movie but with more craptacular diapers.

So what the balls, The Sims 4? How could you take that away from us? This week, we saw the entire toddler stage of life ripped from our virtual existences forever. Behold the above slice of weirdly weird weirdery from the game.

Yes indeed, this is how the upcoming title will treat our beloved urchins. One second, they’re a tiny lump in their stroller, the next they’re leaping out of it looking about ten years old. Why not just go the whole hog, and have them emerge as OAPs with huge eff-off Rip Van Winkle beards? It’s all kinds of creepy.

Via Kotaku.

The Weekly WTF: ‘The Kung-Fu Master Jackie Chan: Jackie Chan in Fists of Fire: Legend of Jackie Chan’ Has Too Much Effing Jackie Chan In It

Perhaps you’re an aficionado of all things Jackie Chan. You might live, breathe and crap Jackie Chan. His acrobatic badassery in movies, his questionable Chinese pop music career, his charity work... what’s not to like?

You might even say that you’re a big freaking Jackie Chan fan, man, if you’re the kind of guy who busts rhymes like Eminem with no effs given. But even you, hypothetical dude, can’t handle The Kung-Fu Master Jackie Chan: Jackie Chan in Fists of Fire: Legend of Jackie Chan. It’s just too much Jackie Chan.

This little doozy is an arcade fighting game from 1995. It’s a remade edition of the far-more-sensibly-named The Kung-Fu Master Jackie Chan, in which the main man himself wasn’t even playable. And who the balls wants that? Nobody, that’s who. So, after a scathing review or two (‘this shit needs more Jackie Chan in it,’ that sort of thing), this upgraded edition hit arcades. Good news, gentlemen: the game was now 300% more Chantastic.
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‘Broforce’ Approaches the Outer Limits of Manliness With the ‘Expendabros’ Crossover (VIDEO)

Broforce Logo
Bro-tacular! Bro.

As we know, Broforce is the most man-tastic experience you can have on a games console. It’s a Steam game, not even available on consoles, but that’s just how effing badass it is. After all, you can’t argue with a tagline like no emotions, just explosions. Lifetime TV should give that a try once in a while.

Anywho, yes, the delightfully retro run and gun sensibilities of the game are always welcome. Throw in a little action hero piss-takery and bloody violence, and it’s even welcome-er.

And then there was Expendabros: Broforce- The Expendables Missions. It’s a bitesize standalone slice of action from the game, a promotional dealie for The Expendables 3. And why the eff not? Both game and film are dedicated to these heroic has-beens kicking ass.

So what does this free Steam release get you? Seven characters and ten missions of toontastic manly violence, that’s what. Check out Broney Ross, Bro Caesar, Trent Broser and more in action above.

Via Destructoid.