Game Feature Posts:

The Weekly WTF: The Boobs, Booze and Swearing Sheep of ‘Catherine’

Now, relationship troubles aren’t tackled much by video games. You want bullets flying around your ass and crazy arcade light shows, not some depressed guy whining that his wife hit him with her car again last night. Is that fun? It is not.

But still. Here in the land of the WTF, you never know when the crazy-ass is going to hit you. If Catherine wants to bring us relationship troubles with a crazy-ass twist, you can bet your balls that it’s going to bring us relationship troubles with a crazy-ass twist. All we can do is watch as a sheep repeatedly drops the f-bomb.
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Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Mega Man 2

Oh bollocks. It’s this guy. Buckle up, gentlemen, because Mega Man’s here. These games don’t eff around.

Today, we’re partying like it’s 1988 and celebrating the most significant entry in the series. The one that propelled Mega Man to interstellar superstardom, and got him all the booze, hos and cannon-polishings (possibly from the hos, that’d be more efficient) a tiny blue space-badass could ask for. That’s just how it is in the A list.
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The Weekly WTF: What the Eff is Your Deal, Pyramid Head?

In the survival horror genre, Resident Evil is the daddy. It may have died on its ass in recent installments, eschewing the horror for balls-out shooter ideals (there are more freaking bullets flying around than in the last half hour of Commando, right here), but that’s moot. These mofos practically invented the genre in 1996, and that’s good enough for us.

But there’s another old stalwart of shit-your-pants gaming, which has been lurking about almost as long. Konami’s Silent Hill is a more psychological affair, and its mascot antagonist, Pyramid Head, gives us all kinds of the willies. Let’s grab our spare undercrackers and meet him.
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Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Starfox 64

Happy birthday, N64, you ol’ gray bastard!

Well, yes, if you’re going to be pernickety, we missed the party a bit. The console hit these United States of ours eighteen years ago last Tuesday.

But hey, nuts to birthdays. They’re no big deal. I forgot my wife’s birthday last year, and she forgave me just fine. Well, forgave, divorced, one of the two. I forget. But we’re getting off topic. We’re here today to pay homage to one of the N64‘s finest offerings: Starfox 64.
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The Weekly WTF: ‘Beat ‘Em and Eat ‘Em,’ the Most Porntastic Game You Ever Saw

If you’re a retro-head and/or general old bastard, you might remember Chef. Or Oil Panic. Or Parachute. Or umpteen freaking others. These decrepit Game and Watch titles revolved around one core concept: grabbing things.

Said things, whether they be flecks of oil, cement, low-flying bacon or dudes parachuting into shark infested seas, cannot hit the ground. That way lies shame, doomily doom-y doom, and a GAME OVER screen. This, you don’t want. So get your shit together, and catch your things.
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Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Super Smash Bros. Brawl

Gentlemen, you’ll probably need to be sitting down for this revelation. Against all odds, Wii U has a second game to be assed about on the horizon. After the success of Mario Kart 8, Smash Bros. is now coming. Who knows, the console may not die in a defeated heap of gimmicky shame after all.

The acclaimed party/brawler is due to arrive this holiday season, with the 3DS version released this very week. So it’s a good time to take another big ol’ steaming dump on the word ‘retro’, and take a look back at the previous installment in the series.
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The Weekly WTF: ‘Revolution X,’ the Aerosmith-Branded Shooter

Ricky Wilson, frontman of Brit-tastic shit-tastic pop prattlers Kaiser Chiefs, once exclaimed that he would “...wank off a tramp for success.” This probably tells you all you need to know about the depths celebrities will sink to. Hulk Hogan appeared in the worst breakfast cereal commercial ever in the eighties. Arnold Schwarzenegger hawked questionable barbecues on the shopping channel. And Aerosmith?

Well, those hairy bastards are (kinda sorta) responsible for Revolution X. It would’ve been better if they’d just gotten their hoboeroticism on, like good ol’ Ricky.
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