Sam Robeson - July 17, 2017
This weekend Kendall Jenner bravely shared her raggedy jet lagged body on Instagram in a shirt that's downright modest for the Jenndashian clan. Someone's on her way to church. We've already seen all that Jenner has to offer, but that isn't stopping her from teasing her tens of millions of bot followers with ample undertits and visible Hershey's Kisses nipples. The international woman of mystery captions the selfie with a simple "jet lag." A private flight of pampering and unlimited herbal tea laxatives takes a toll.
Jenner stands out from the Jenndashian coven because her "hourglass figure," as the media is calling it in this picture, has fairly equal amounts of sand in the top and bottom. For now. Little sis' Kylie Jenner has an hourglass figure if we're including hourglasses when the sand has long settled. Like, her time is almost up. Which, it is. Maybe this is the new measure for celebrities. Once everything drains to the bottom we know their expiration date is up. Iggy Azalea is the Petri dish of leftovers you find in the back of the fridge.
Public snafus will never hold down Kendall as long as she punctuates her Instagram feed with shameless tit pictures at strategic intervals. Lure terrible people to a private island in the Bahamas and leave them there to take frowny face selfies? Tits. Show black people how it's really done with the help of a carbonated beverage and a smile? Tits. Sell dead rapper t-shirts for $125? Tits. As long as things stay compelling distributed, Kendall could get away with murder. Now, make sure you shrink this shirt in the dryer before giving it back to North West. She needs to start practicing.
Photo Credit: Instagram