elliot-wolf - December 27, 2018
All good things must come to an end. What I imagine was only another innovative way to waste time in the form of an app, exclusively available to idiots willing to shell out $12 a month for more Kardashian, is over. That’s right people, no more 3rd grade level in-depth analyses written by Kim about her bleached butt-bush trimmings. I'll miss those open-ended essays about a sphincter so lily-white it could pass as an honorary member of the Aryan Brotherhood. It’s a shame that all that advice from Kylie about how to become the next billionaire bad bitch will fall by the wayside. I’m sure $12 was Kim’s rate for middle-school dance bathroom BJs in the boys room. But now, it’s not even enough to sustain her intrusive exclusive app.
The Kardashian-Jenners can no longer persuade their fanbase to shell out $2.99 a month per family member for exclusive content, so Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney Kardashian, as well as “self-made” billionaire Kylie Jenner, are shuttering their apps.
If you were a super fan subscribed to all four, prepare to enter 2019 $11.96 a month richer.
According to E!, the Kim, Khloe, Kourtney, and Kylie released a statement about their apps closing.
“We’ve had an incredible experience connecting with all of you through our apps these past few years but have made the difficult decision to no longer continue updating in 2019. We truly hope you’ve enjoyed this journey as much as we have, and we look forward to what’s ahead.”
I think, the app failed because it failed to be engaging. $12 a month to see more pictures of a family that’s been the front cover of pop culture since Kim introduced herself as the first pornstar socialite, just isn’t enough. What I would be willing to pay is a one time bail out of jail fee for Randy Johnsoning a double-sided dildo through Kim’s Calabasas window in hopes of hitting a target. Make that into an app. Like a virtual carnival game. I wouldn’t mind winning a stuffed animal and taking out a little bit of frustration at the same time.
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