Kate Upton

Sofia Vergara, Kate Upton, Natalie Portman Sextastic Up the 2015 Vanity Fair Oscar Party

Sofia Vergara, as she often does, stole the show at Oscar’s biggest after-party, the Vanity Fair something something. The party is for all the super hotties in Hollywood who couldn’t score an Academy Awards invite but who are by their very nature far more interesting than ant awards show. Including Sofia who knows exactly how to get all cameras turned in the direction of her cleavage with the beckon of her visual siren call.

Joining Sofia was the equally faptacular Kate Upton who pretty much makes a party on her own, lovelies Natalie Portman, Rashida Jones, Diane Kruger and several other women who are my dates to the Dairy Queen or alleys behind thereof in my nightly dreams. Somehow, my invitation got lost in the mail. I’m sure it was a postal oversight. I did have my best corduroy slacks almost pressed so was kind of a bummer when my publicist from MySuperPublicist.com told me I was not on the list. Oh, well. Always the chance of running into girls of this type at the bowling alley on Hollywood’s most sextastic evening. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet/Splash

Kate Upton Cleavetastic SI Outtakes Will Blow Your Freaking Bobos (New Bobos Not Included)

Have you ever thought to yourself, boy, I wish there were a way I could really injure myself today with a happy smile and perhaps a touch of tendonitis? Well today is your lucky day, my easily chaffed friend. Kate Upton cleavetastic faptastic and all around racktastic outtakes from Sports Illustrated, in anticipation of the ultimate release of the 2015 SI Swimsuit edition coming down the line.

For those who weren’t already infatuated with Kate Upton, and those who missed her more intimate poses during the Fappening, well, prepare to take your lifelong commitment ceremony to Kate Upton lust. She really does photograph ever so well. I think it has something to do with being crazy sextastic with a set of knockers kings used to go to war over. They probably still do. The straight ones at least. My, oh, my, how the winter becomes the best bathing suit time of the year. Take that, Heat Miser. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Sports Illustrated

Sextastic Social Media Candids 2014: Emily Ratajkowski, Kate Upton, Selena Gomez and Much More

Our brief and completely non-scientific review of 2014 would not be complete without a visual mention of the continued growth of the sextastic celebrity self-published social media pics. Whatever you thought hacking or public relations warnings or desires to be taken super seriously were going to do to quell the rising tide of hot selfies and candids posted to Twitter and Instagram, well, they had zero impact. 2014 saw the continued boom of sweet celebrities showing more and more skin more and more often. Who says prayers aren’t answered directly.

Take a stroll down hot candid mammary lane once more with a look at a few dozen of my favorite self-posted celebrity photos of 2014. I can’t wait to see what 2015 holds and unholds in this regard. Enjoy.

Kate Upton Bikinis Bouncy Goodness Covered Topless for SI

Well hello there Kate Upton. What brings you to this beach all barely covered topless and outrageously sextastic looking in a barely bikini? Pimping Sports Illustrated? That sounds pretty solid. How about I give you a little neck-plus massage as you tell me about your latest gig.

Damn if Kate Upton doesn’t seem to look like she came forth topless from some sandy shore, like a mermaid who wished for human form so she could take to dry land and torment men. I can’t be sure of this theory of course, but this bosomy bombshell certainly never looks more at home and comfortable then when laying with her faptastic funbags in her hands across some exotic shoreline. Kate, consider me to be your humble slave. And remember, no task is too small or too intimate for me to be assigned. Give me an hour and an obscenely tiny washcloth and I will assure you there will be no sand left anywhere on your body. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Sports Illustrated

READER FINDS: Elizabeth Hurley Topless, Paz de la Huerta Nekkid, Kate Upton Boobtastic, and Much Much More…

 
Kate Upton SI Swimsuit Shoot in the Philippines 2011
Click to See Uncensored

Oh, glorious last Friday before Black Friday when middle aged people will trample old people buying gifts for young people in perhaps the most perverted Circle of Life demonstration ever. I shall miss those of you who don’t make it ever so dearly. But, time marches on, heals all wounds, and names lame people to their Person of the Year edition. Thus, on this Friday, we turn out attention and optical lenses toward the velveteen pouch that contains this week’s content of reader submitted skin, flesh, and funbags. A little invention that since 1911 we’ve been calling, Reader Finds.

This week’s Reader Finds includes Kate Upton in her first big bikini shoot (oh, my my’s thanks to EgoReader ‘Brett’), Madonna topless in some of her stellar screen work (dramatic, no, topless, yes, via ‘Owen’), Chloe Sevigny nekkid in Purple (full Chloes courtesy of ‘Stag’), Jane March topless thespianic (lovely lovelies by way of ‘Marco’), Elizabeth Hurley topless in her beginning days (big hair and funtops sent by ‘Steven’), Edie Falco topless and revelatory (Falco peaches presented by ‘Damon’), India Reynolds topless in Zoo (India glorious views promoted by ‘Stacey’), wicked hot Morena Baccarin baring teats in Homeland (how I lust Morena, ‘Evan G.’ knows that), Abbie Cornish topless and fruitful (British besties tosses into the mix by ‘Merv’), Paz de la Huerta nekkid fun times (pleasantly prurient views by ‘David R.’), Evangeline Lily bra and panties screencaps (lost was I ere I saw Lily, from ‘Bruce’), Kate Beckinsale topless and inspiring (pre-MILF Kate still so beautiful, via ‘Ryan’), Swedish TV lovely Emma Zetterberg topless in Cafe magazine (tussen takk shout out to ‘Lusen’), Lucy Lui nip slip from Elementary (caught by so many of you I can’t count, thanks to all!), the blessedly hot Marion Cotillard just simply stunning (many obliges go out to ‘Jean-Yves’), Sophie Howard stunning topless selfies (I could sleep in those pillows, just outstanding ‘Regan’), Emma Frain topless with a topless buddy (buddy system perfected by ‘Jonathan’), and last but not least, Euro-lovely Valerie Kaprrinsky quite nekkid in a beautiful work of cinematic art (kudos to ‘Poppy’ for the throwback visual delights). I’m not going to sugar coat this. It’s a lot of nekkid celebrity flesh. If you can’t handle it, I’ll still respect you. Or not. Enjoy.

Kate Upton Upskirt Flash On A Photoshoot In Miami

The lovely Kate Upton gave us all a view of her lady bits during a blustery photoshoot in Miami. It seems that it was a bit windy that day and Kate’s skirt kept getting blown up. The problem is that she forgot to wear underwear. So, with a particularly good gust of wind you get to see her goodies. Is there anything more glorious than a vag flash? We see boobs all the time, and don’t get me wrong I’m all about the boobs. But a good peek at the downstairs area is rarer. Occasionally it happens when these gals are exiting cars or sometimes mother nature cooperates and sends a gust of wind. Kate, for her part, seems rather unfazed by the whole thing. Rather than freaking out she just seems to laugh it off. Thanks for being such a good sport, Kate. That and not wearing underwear.

It’s things like this that make this job so rewarding.

Kate Upton Shows Her Black Bra In A See-Through Top In NYC

Boobtacular superstar Kate Upton was showing off her black bra in a see-through shirt while in New York City. I’m assuming that the shirt is supposed to be transparent as it also has a bunch of rips in it. The result is a fairly clear view of those legendary funbags. Kate’s ta-tas should be in some kind of booby hall of fame. They are seriously in the top three best racks on the planet and I should know. I consider myself a connoisseur of the boobtastic arts. It’s literally my job to talk about boobs all day and I could wax rhapsodic about Kate’s chi-chis till dawn. But I will spare you my bad poetry. What I will say is that Kate should only wear shirts you can see through. That or bikinis or just underwear. Or nothing, whatever she prefers.

How was she in New York and no one told me? I would have gladly put on pants and schlepped into Manhattan if I got to ogle those lady melons bopping down the street.