Let’s be honest. I’m never going to share my deep feelings. For one thing, I’m a man. Technically, I have no feelings. And if I did, I’d bury them somewhere obscure where nobody would ever find them. Like a resort town in Minnesota or a politicians truth jar. But I am more than willing to share with you my life’s work and love, incredibly hot celebrity woman just being all they can be on videos I’m watching. Usually with few clothes on. That does seem to be a common denominator.
In this week’s edition of Hey, Bill, Watcha Watching?, I share the videos I’ve been checking out today while naturally not wanting to miss a second of the Masters. You know what they say about golf, you miss a minute you miss a couple guys walking and talking to their help. This week’s roundup includes a very naughty Kylie Jenner putting her hand down sister Kendall Jenner’s pants, Kate Upton behind the scenes of one cleavetastic swimsuit shoot, Candice Swanepoel covered topless and pimping the juice, and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley flashing fun times in her see-through top on the runway. I would take any one of these women to be my third wife, assuming we had a prenup that kept me in indie beer after our second weekend split. Enjoy.
You must have a little something something at Easter. While others are reveling in colored eggs and fancy hats, why not take a moment to delight in the double pleasures of beach bunny Kate Upton
in some of her finer bikini looks. I mean, this isn’t mandatory, think of it more as a suggested salve to aid you through a holiday weekend.
Kate Upton has said many times she prefers not to be seen as a sex object, then she goes about making that entire proposition incredibly difficult to oblige. She was born into some measure of greatness. I believe it’s very close to the perfect 36. Happy Easter, denizen of Egotastic! land. May your Sunday be as merry as Kate Upton’s bunny parts. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Egotastic Archives
Is there anyone out there now who is sexier than Kate Upton? Seriously, she is a freakin’ bombshell. She’s beautiful, that’s a given, but it’s her unbelievable curves that really bring the whole package together. Of course, what she’s best known for is her ginormous boobage. Kate’s boobs could cause a man serious neck pain if he were to motorboat her for too long. But it would so be worth it. I don’t know who it is that gets to handle those puppies these days but they are one lucky bastard. The cleav in these pics is something spectacular. Her boob valley is so deep you could probably yell down it and hear an echo. She’s got the Grand Canyon of boob valleys.
I watched a movie the other day called The Other Woman in which Kate Upton is the mistress of Jaime Lannister while he’s also boffing Cameron Diaz and Leslie Mann. It’s not a good movie by any stretch, but there is a long slow-mo sequence of Kate running on the beach in a bikini that makes it all worth it.
Photo Credit: Edit Magazine
Sofia Vergara, as she often does, stole the show at Oscar’s biggest after-party, the Vanity Fair something something. The party is for all the super hotties in Hollywood who couldn’t score an Academy Awards invite but who are by their very nature far more interesting than ant awards show. Including Sofia who knows exactly how to get all cameras turned in the direction of her cleavage with the beckon of her visual siren call.
Joining Sofia was the equally faptacular Kate Upton who pretty much makes a party on her own, lovelies Natalie Portman, Rashida Jones, Diane Kruger and several other women who are my dates to the Dairy Queen or alleys behind thereof in my nightly dreams. Somehow, my invitation got lost in the mail. I’m sure it was a postal oversight. I did have my best corduroy slacks almost pressed so was kind of a bummer when my publicist from MySuperPublicist.com told me I was not on the list. Oh, well. Always the chance of running into girls of this type at the bowling alley on Hollywood’s most sextastic evening. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet/Splash
Have you ever thought to yourself, boy, I wish there were a way I could really injure myself today with a happy smile and perhaps a touch of tendonitis? Well today is your lucky day, my easily chaffed friend. Kate Upton cleavetastic faptastic and all around racktastic outtakes from Sports Illustrated, in anticipation of the ultimate release of the 2015 SI Swimsuit edition coming down the line.
For those who weren’t already infatuated with Kate Upton, and those who missed her more intimate poses during the Fappening, well, prepare to take your lifelong commitment ceremony to Kate Upton lust. She really does photograph ever so well. I think it has something to do with being crazy sextastic with a set of knockers kings used to go to war over. They probably still do. The straight ones at least. My, oh, my, how the winter becomes the best bathing suit time of the year. Take that, Heat Miser. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Sports Illustrated
Our brief and completely non-scientific review of 2014 would not be complete without a visual mention of the continued growth of the sextastic celebrity self-published social media pics. Whatever you thought hacking or public relations warnings or desires to be taken super seriously were going to do to quell the rising tide of hot selfies and candids posted to Twitter and Instagram, well, they had zero impact. 2014 saw the continued boom of sweet celebrities showing more and more skin more and more often. Who says prayers aren’t answered directly.
Take a stroll down hot candid mammary lane once more with a look at a few dozen of my favorite self-posted celebrity photos of 2014. I can’t wait to see what 2015 holds and unholds in this regard. Enjoy.
Well hello there Kate Upton. What brings you to this beach all barely covered topless and outrageously sextastic looking in a barely bikini? Pimping Sports Illustrated? That sounds pretty solid. How about I give you a little neck-plus massage as you tell me about your latest gig.
Damn if Kate Upton doesn’t seem to look like she came forth topless from some sandy shore, like a mermaid who wished for human form so she could take to dry land and torment men. I can’t be sure of this theory of course, but this bosomy bombshell certainly never looks more at home and comfortable then when laying with her faptastic funbags in her hands across some exotic shoreline. Kate, consider me to be your humble slave. And remember, no task is too small or too intimate for me to be assigned. Give me an hour and an obscenely tiny washcloth and I will assure you there will be no sand left anywhere on your body. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Sports Illustrated