Chris Littlechild Website

Chris is a dedicated gamer and writer who is always looking to improve his skills in both areas. Having failed miserably to pick a major, his degree from the University of Hertfordshire combines English Literature, Creative Writing and History. (Oddly, it doesn’t even end there.) He lives in St Albans, but knows few people would ever have heard of such a place, so the nearby London is always a better answer. From the 'London'-based marshland nest he calls home, he writes gaming/humour/gaming humour articles and the occasional horror story, and benevolently attempts to befriend passing insects. As yet, none of them have been interested. He even offered a range of homemade baked confections to them once, to no avail.

These Mario/NBA Logo Crossovers Made My Monday

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Why is this a thing? Because we don’t question the hive of pure creative crazy-ass that is the Internet, that’s why.

Perhaps it isn’t so bizarre. After all, Mario and Luigi have been shoehorned into all kinds of sports in the name of Nintendo’s cashtacular. Tennis, baseball, soccer, basketball, archery, golf, give or take a couple hundred others. This fat little bastard and his gangly brother cannot and will not be stopped. If they get pimped out any more, they’ll be showing up at Grandma’s over 75‘s bowles tournament to play a few rounds.

So why the hell shouldn’t they be showing up on badass NBA logo crossovers? If appearing in Mario Slam Basketball isn’t enough to qualify him for the honor, I don’t know what is.

This is just the kind of sight our bleary eyeballs need on a Monday morning. Graphic designer ak47_studios has made a series of NBA logos inspired by classic games. And the moustachioed mascot himself wasn’t enough for this guy. Hell no. Everyone and everything from Starfox to Astro Boy to Mortal Kombat to Pac-Man is represented.

Check out the full set over on Instagram; this is some great stuff right here.

Latest ‘The Order’ Trailer Brings Huge Freaking Sideburns and Lots of Violence

The Order

The Order: 1886 has been happily chugging along in the sidelines, overshadowed a little by 2015‘s bigger upcoming releases. But there comes a time when a video game has to stop, draw a line in the sand and say, ‘bollocks to this. I’ve got freaking werewolf-things having their kneecaps blown off by a shotgun, and I demand your attention.’

For the uninitiated, The Order is a TPS action-adventure, exclusive to PS4. It’s set in a paralel London where a band of studly knights (don’t pretend those badass sideburns aren’t the manliest thing you ever saw, because they totally are) defend humanity from half-breeds. These are people who have become creepy-ass mutants, for… some reason or other. It’s an excuse for some badass gunplay with angry monsters, let’s leave it at that.

The timeline’s a little whack, but games don’t need to be big on the whole historical accuracy thing. We didn’t come here for the learnin’, partner. We came for the limb-lopping, the arterial spray, the decapitations and the general goretacular goodtimes.

If there’s one thing The Order likes, it’s anachronistic weaponry of huge destructive power. I’m pretty damn fond of that sort of thing too, which is why the electro gun, proximity guns and other fancy-ass toys on display here are looking so sweet. Check it out:

Gaming’s Whacked Out Week: Car-Mangling Crazy Brings a Little ‘Street Fighter’ to Real Life

Street Fighter Car

Cosplaying, as we know, isn’t the most man-tastic use of our time. I don’t give any effs if you are Thor, god of thunder and smiter of the Titans. You’re still carrying about a styrofoam hammer that grandma made for you in her over 75s craft class. You could have pruned your chest hair (singular) for the occasion, too.

But hey, let’s not judge. If you want to get your cosplay on, you have at it. Just try and butch it up a bit. Take a lesson from this crazy bastard, for instance: dress as studly Street Fighter stalwart Ryu and punch an actual freaking car in the face.

This, of course, represents a classic minigame from the fighter’s arcade mode. With a strict time limit, you wail on a defenseless auto; bumpers, hoods and exhaust pipes flying everywhere. Bonus points are awarded based on the time it took you to destroy the whole vehicle.

It all sounds like the sort of thing Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sly Stallone would do in their spare time, betwixt rounds of grizzly wrestling and chainsaw juggling. But then you see a martial arts dude attempt the feat, and it’s really not as dramatic and badass in real-life. Not even close. Check it out after the jump.
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The Weekly WTF: ‘Icarus Proudbottom and the Curse of the Chocolate Fountain’

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Hey, wasn’t that the name of the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie?

Nope, it’s much more disturbing than that. This one reminds me of all those euphemisms we’re taught as children. All that when a man and a lady love each other very much business. Our parents didn’t tell us that it’s often when a man and a lady get effing drunk and horny on the bathroom floor of some sleazy nightclub. Because that’s something we should find out for ourselves.

Similarly, by ‘chocolate fountain,’ we actually mean a constant and explosive (rocket-powered, actually) case of diarrhea, which is propelling our hero through the clouds. Because that’s just the sort of thing we deal with here in the realm of the WTF.

Yep, this is a sidescrolling shooter hit by a gypsy curse. The cartoony, imaginary sort of gypsy; proprietors of carnival fortune telling booths the world over. These guys, as we know, are all bastards, cursing it up curse-tacularly cursily at the slightest provocation. But I’ve never seen them stoop this low.

While other entries in the genre go for the old-fashioned ‘piloting a weeny spaceship’ approach, Icarus Proudbottom and the Curse of the Chocolate Fountain has no time for that. They’ve got something better: a guy with the shits.

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Yup, that’s the first boss: a dude with his wang out, peeing at you. He also has a floating crocodile thing.

This may be a half-assed little freeware flash game (weighing in at a mighty 15MB), but it has ambition. Our cursed buddy Icarus flies all around the world, borne on a powerful wave of his own crap. If you imagine it as the flames that used to ‘power’ the badass cars our preteen selves used to draw, it makes kinda sorta sense.

So, we’ve got a landscape to cruise past and a main character. The final element every sidescrolling shooter needs? Enemies. With the weirdery thus far, you’ll expect something bizarre. Something like… wanging formations of ducks and Nazis in the face with a holy sword, while your diarrhea streams behind you like a trail of pure glorious brown victory.

You won’t be disappointed on that score.

Will Icarus ever break his curse? Where the hell did it come from anyway? Why do his clothes fall off when he’s hit? Why is this a freaking thing at all? None of these questions will ever be answered. Well, the first might, and the third is probably a retro-tastic nod to Ghosts and Goblins. But other than that, who the hell knows.

‘Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare’ and its Havoc DLC Trailers Cannot be Stopped

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Calm the eff down, Activision and Sledgehammer. We see you there, with your impending DLC release. You and your fancy-ass new Exo Zombies mode have our attention.

Still, you don’t eff with John Malkovich. He was Lennie in Of Mice and Men, after all. So deja vu or no deja vu, if he wants to prattle about Atlas creating zombies in a dramatic trailer voiceover you can bet your ass he’s going to do it.

So here we are again, primed to ogle a slightly different but no less melodramatic teaser for the Havoc pack. Said Exo Zombies are the big selling point of the download, natch, which is why they’re getting another airing before next Tuesday’s release.

This time, we’re getting an extended look at the gameplay itself. It’s a high-octane shitstorm akin to Gears of War’s Horde mode, complete with some rather spangly new guns. There’s also a cameo appearance from some freaking ugly zombie dogs with creepy extend-o-mouths, which is always nice.

Check it out.

‘Broforce’ Adds a Slice of ‘Aliens’ Badassery to its… Existing Badassery

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Broforce, we effing love you.

What would happen if all the most mantastic action movies –Predator, Rambo, Commando, just about everything Arnold Schwarzenegger’s ever been in, save that shit Christmas film where he punches the reindeer in the face– had a baby? They wouldn’t, natch, because they’re much too testosteroney and pec-ripply and lady-lovin’ for that, but anywho: Broforce. Broforce is what would happen.

For the uninitiated, it’s a retrotastic run and gunner starring just about every action hero Hollywood’s ever seen. It’s gory, violent and completely ridiculous. Which is just the way we like it.

There’s already enough mantastic content in the game to appease even the studliest bear-wrestling lumberjack. But is that enough for these guys? You bet your ass it isn’t.

Our buddies at Broforce are working on the Infestation update, which will add an abundance of Aliens-themed gunplay. Have you ever seen a tiny 8-bit Facehugger impregnate/gorily erupt from the guts of a tiny 8-bit Judge Dredd? Presumably not. That’s why we all need more of this game in our lives. So hit Destructoid now to get your dose.

Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Wipeout

Wipeout 2

What with, y’know, being a Nintendo game and all, Sony never had F-Zero. This futuretastic racer from 1990 was a sad loss for the followers of PlayStation, awesome as it was. But they needn’t have feared.

While PS1 missed out on the game and its homoerotic hero Captain Falcon (man, that’s a tight jumpsuit), it did get Wipeout. A launch title for the system, it brought high-velocity gravity defying badassery into 3D. And it did it in style. Let’s take a look.

Wipeout is set in the year 2052, as distant as the last Ice Age when it was released in 1995. We were just learning to handle the Internet and Star Trek Voyager back then; the world was a befuddling place. How the hell could our feeble minds accept the F3600 anti-gravity racing league?

Well, accept it, buddy boy, because you’re competing. In Wipeout, you choose a craft to pilot in the contests and race these other futuristic effers, while The Chemical Brothers and Leftfield (whoever the hell they are) get their techno on in the background. Exciting times indeed.

As with F-Zero, said races are goddamn fast. They’re set in fancy-ass locales with names like Karbonis, Terramax and Altima VII, one of which is apparently in Japan somehow. The tracks are all rather sexy (in a gonad-dissolvingly-ugly-but-great-for-the-time-early-3D sort of way), and they’re a pleasure to barrel through at several hundred mph.

Wipeout

Wipeout’s soundtrack is also noteworthy. Did I mention the freaking Chemical Brothers? Sure, that wasn’t much of a name to drop in the mid-nineties, but let’s not get too snarky about that. It’s all suitably high-octane and techno, and you couldn’t ask for more than that. This is another part of the package that added to the all-round high production values of the game.

Presentation aside, there’s one aspect of Wipeout that I find most memorable. It adds a kart racer-ish element to proceedings with power-ups. And these ones are pretty freaking sadistic, right here. You’ve got the usual forcefields to protect you from rivals’ attacks and such, but there are also missiles that can destroy them competely.

My first experience with the series was Wipeout 3, and I think I shat myself a little the first time I hit a racer with the plasma bolt and their ship was destroyed; my ranking changing from 12th place out of 12 to 11th place out of 11. What the hell kind of racing tournament is this? It’s not Saw, you sadistic bastards. Saw on Wheels, I like to call it. They’re not wheels, per se, but… oh, screw it. On to the conclusion.

Wipeout
was big, brash and fast. Definitely a real spectacle in the early PlayStation years. There was a little niggling about difficulty and the controls, but otherwise it was very well received.