Chris LittlechildWebsite

Chris is a dedicated gamer and writer who is always looking to improve his skills in both areas. Having failed miserably to pick a major, his degree from the University of Hertfordshire combines English Literature, Creative Writing and History. (Oddly, it doesn’t even end there.) He lives in St Albans, but knows few people would ever have heard of such a place, so the nearby London is always a better answer. From the 'London'-based marshland nest he calls home, he writes gaming/humour/gaming humour articles and the occasional horror story, and benevolently attempts to befriend passing insects. As yet, none of them have been interested. He even offered a range of homemade baked confections to them once, to no avail.

‘Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare’ Hits us With Both Barrels of Launch Trailertastic (VIDEO)

Call of Duty Advanced Warfare 3
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We don’t even make it ten seconds into this trailer before Kevin Spacey announces, what you’re seeing is... advanced warfare. That’s just the kind of tone-setting badassery we’re dealing with here.

And damn right it is. The game’s November 4 release marks the culmination of many months of hyping and preorder wrangling, so it’s time to shine now. It’s time to pummel us with blurbs like transcends the line between game and film and reinventing Call of Duty multiplayer in a profound way.

Sure, they’re the same blurbs from last time, but there weren’t quite so many studly dudes bellowing or helicopters on effing fire then. We’re getting serious now, so put your pants back on and pay attention.

There’s a little gameplay, a dash of futuristic melodrama, and more explosions than you can probably handle on a Monday morning. One thing’s for sure: Call of Duty’s back in style.

A Nice Little Dose of Homicidal Crazy-Ass From ‘Hatred,’ the Most Goretacular Game You Ever Saw (VIDEO)

Hatred Screenshot
He sure looks pissed.

I just effing hate this world, and the human worms feasting on its carcass.

It’s Friday morning, guy. It if were Monday, we’d agree with you, but... calm your undercrackers. This is a heavy one, gentlemen. Buckle up.

But hey. Hatred is not a game to calm its undercrackers. Those undercrackers will never be calmed, because this dude is pissed. with a capital P, I, S, S, E and D. Nothing is explained. We don’t know who, what, when, where or why, but we know one thing: this is more bullet-flailing violence than Arnold Schwarzenegger’s entire movie repertoire could muster. It’s kind of horrific.

Now, a little gore in movies and video games never hurt anybody. Whether it’s Call of Duty, Resident Evil, The Walking Dead or whatever you happen to be playing/watching, there will be deaths. Remember those Elvis impersonator dudes from GTA 2? Running them over en masse and getting the ‘Elvis has left the building’ message for doing so? Sure, we did it, and laughed like the cruel, cruel bastards we are. But this is something else, right here.

Your victims in Hatred aren’t enemies. They aren’t terrorists, mobsters or any other assholes who could use a good hatchet to the gonads. They’re just civilians, cruising about the street and begging for their lives as you mangle their bodies so badly they’ll find an eyeball on the other side of the highway.

As Destructoid reports, on the one hand, ‘according to the game's website, this seems to be some sort of rebuttal to the company's perceived political correctness in games nowadays.’ On the other, as they also report, it’s 'as effed up as they come.’ Think Postal, without the sense of humor.

Gaming’s Whacked Out Week: Sure, ‘Smash Bros.’ is TOTALLY Like Having Sex

If there’s one thing the Internet has an ample supply of (not sexually-frustrated housewives wanting to show you their cooches in exchange for your credit card details, another thing), it’s dickish theories. The global freedom of the interwebs means that any dumbass with fingers can blog about whatever takes their fancy.

You know the sorts of things that kooks need to bring to the planet’s attention. The old classic ‘Martians stealing brainwaves’ talk on tinfoilhats.com, that cat conspiracy to overthrow us and take over the world... it’s all there, and it’s all effing nuts.

But this? This is a step too far. This week, Destructoid’s Sup Holmes asks Is Smash Bros. Just Like Sex?

Now, we’re with you in the ‘slowly building up to an explosive, crazy-ass lightshow finale’ sense (well, if you’re having your sex right, that is). But elsewhere in Nintendo’s toontastic brawler, you’ll find all kinds of not sexy.

But it just goes to show, if you want something enough and your horny heart is pure, you can appreciate the sexiness in anything. It’s like one of those inspirational after school specials gone x-rated.

The Weekly WTF: The Boobs, Booze and Swearing Sheep of ‘Catherine’

Now, relationship troubles aren’t tackled much by video games. You want bullets flying around your ass and crazy arcade light shows, not some depressed guy whining that his wife hit him with her car again last night. Is that fun? It is not.

But still. Here in the land of the WTF, you never know when the crazy-ass is going to hit you. If Catherine wants to bring us relationship troubles with a crazy-ass twist, you can bet your balls that it’s going to bring us relationship troubles with a crazy-ass twist. All we can do is watch as a sheep repeatedly drops the f-bomb.
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The ‘GTA V’ Jet Plane Stunt Man Is Back (VIDEO)

Grand Theft Auto V Plane Stunt
Color us impressed.

My Grand Theft Auto V piloting experiences aren’t the best. I’d just dick about by flying as high as possible and then parachuting out, watching as my multi-million-dollar ride explodes in a ball of fiery failure far below. Either that, or I’d be minding my own business cruising at 30,000 feet and some unseen asshole blows my balls off with a missile. Damn you, EliteDeathSniperKillYourFace3812.

Anywho, yes. I’m about as inept a GTA pilot as I’d be in real life. Which is why I think we should all gather around the warm glowing warming glow of our PC/mobile device screens and admire this guy's antics.

Let’s not beat around the bush here: Mario4LYF3 (man is that a username you’d make at the age of eight and heartily regret) is the greatest daredevil since Evel Knievel. Well, almost. That mad bastard was risking his own non-virtual life, after all. But still, this is something, right here.

Upside down flight, effortlessly swerving around inside a tiny building... these feats are just beyond lesser men. Take a look.

Via Kotaku.

Customization-amundo in the Latest Episode of ‘On the Road with The Crew’ (VIDEO)

The Crew- Customization
Making fancy cars fancier.

The Crew, as we’ve probably established by now, is a festival of drivetastic. When you’re not driving cars or driving effing cars, you’re... driving more cars. There’s very little letup in this regard. I may have to cancel my preorder; there are just too many freaking cars.

As such, we’ll be cruising through all kinds of conditions, and will have to be sure our fancy-ass rides are up to it. Which means we’re going to need some extensive customization options.

And how’s this for a freaking segue? The latest episode of On the Road With The Crew, from IGN, is going to showcase just what we have to work with in that regard.

We already know that the game is rife with challenges and missions, but now we can see they’ll be worth our while. Along with the usual XP, victories will grant you good ol’ fashioned cashtacular, which you use to work on your vehicles. There are various kinds of specs you can aim for, and adjust on the fly according to the task at hand. Performance spec is a great fit for pure speed races, while raid spec is geared toward ramming your rivals like the aggressive bastard you are.

Elsewhere in the above clip, we see that an FPS staple has stealth-ed its way into the racing genre while security wasn’t looking. Perks, you say? Interesting.

Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Mega Man 2

Oh bollocks. It’s this guy. Buckle up, gentlemen, because Mega Man’s here. These games don’t eff around.

Today, we’re partying like it’s 1988 and celebrating the most significant entry in the series. The one that propelled Mega Man to interstellar superstardom, and got him all the booze, hos and cannon-polishings (possibly from the hos, that’d be more efficient) a tiny blue space-badass could ask for. That’s just how it is in the A list.
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