Chris LittlechildWebsite

Chris is a dedicated gamer and writer who is always looking to improve his skills in both areas. Having failed miserably to pick a major, his degree from the University of Hertfordshire combines English Literature, Creative Writing and History. (Oddly, it doesn’t even end there.) He lives in St Albans, but knows few people would ever have heard of such a place, so the nearby London is always a better answer. From the 'London'-based marshland nest he calls home, he writes gaming/humour/gaming humour articles and the occasional horror story, and benevolently attempts to befriend passing insects. As yet, none of them have been interested. He even offered a range of homemade baked confections to them once, to no avail.

Mario and ‘Mortal Kombat’ Collide; Balls-Out Crazy Ensues (VIDEO)

Super Mario Kombat
Poor little dude.

We all know of Nintendo’s family-friendly stance. Mario is generally seen cruising happily through the Mushroom Kingdom, amidst a shitstorm of bright toontastic colors, jangly music and all of that cutesy stuff.

That’s the way it is, the way it should be and the way it damn well must be. Remember that nip slip from Princess Peach? That was more effing scandalous than Janet Jackson’s Super Bowl wardrobe malfunction. Well, it would have been if it had happened. Anywho, we’re getting off topic.

Youtube is world renowned as the home of weirdery and procrastination, so it’s just the place you’d expect to find something like Super Mario Kombat. This is NicksplosionFX’s splice-and-dice of Super Mario World and Mortal Kombat, and it’s three minutes of your life you’ll never get back.

But why would you want to? Who wouldn’t want to trade a lil’ portion of their life for the chance to see Sub-Zero punch a Bullet Bill in the face? Nobody we know, that’s for damn sure.

Check Out the New and Improved Badassery of ‘Doom Reborn’ (VIDEO)

Doom Reborn
Well that's going to smart.

Doom, as we all know damn well, is the ultimate in man-tastic manly gaming. With its studly space marine and relentless gung-ho blood-leaky action, this is as masculine as it gets. Players have been known to grow huge effing Game of Thrones beards, or lose the ability to admit they’re lost and ask for directions on road trips, while getting their Doom on.

That’s how damn manly this game is. Just so we’re clear on that.

Nevertheless, nobody can deny that it looks like shit today. It may have a proud legacy as the grandpappy of the FPS, but man does it look piss-poor. That’s what the inexorable march of technology does to our cultural heritage. And our desire to shoot hideous flesh-things from the depths of the devil’s ass right in the face. Or both.

What we need, then, is a way to keep the original Doom alive without subject our eyeballs to its jaggedy, jagged jagginess. Doom Reborn looks set to fit the bill with style.

This, right here, is a mod that brings the first two games to life using the Doom 3 engine. It’s a work in progress, but it’s already looking quite sexy. This is one to keep an eye on.

Via Kotaku.

Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Alone in the Dark

Before there was Resident Evil, before there was Silent Hill or Fatal Frame or any of the other ball-busting horror superstars, there was Alone in the mothereffing Dark. If you’re of stout heart and steely scrote, join us in the most piss-poor looking little slice of hell you ever saw.

Back in the mists of time, survival horror wasn’t even a thing. This was 1992, after all, and we all had more important things to be assed about in 1992. Like Ice Cube having his ‘Good Day,’ the release of Aladdin, and the Pope deciding that Galileo wasn’t a massive bastard after all. What a year it was.
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‘GTA V’ on PS4: Now With Extra Creepy Mimes and Crap on the Radio (VIDEO)

Grand Theft Auto V PS4
Ooh, fancy.

For many of us, the PC edition of Grand Theft Auto V has been the big effing deal of late. Well, screw many of us, because that particular release has been bumped back to 2015. January 27, if you want to get all technical and precise date-y.

In the interim, the spangly new next-gen edition is hitting PS4 and Xbox One this November. At which point, the game will have been doing the rounds for over a year already. So what we want to know --what we clench our meaty fists, pound them on our desks and freakin’ demand to know, because it's Monday and Mondays are wank-- is, has it been worth the wait?

There’s been a fair amount of work put in, at any rate. Kotaku reports that Rockstar promise, ‘...a number of new features over and above the visual upgrade: new activities, new weapons, new vehicles, additional wildlife, denser traffic, new foliage system and enhanced damage and weather effects. There are also over 100 new songs and mixes across the game's radio stations.’

Yep, you read that right. New foliage. If you’ve ever cruised through Los Santos and thought, y’know what this game needs? More mothereffin’ foliage. Foliage me right up, Rockstar dudes, you’re in luck. We didn’t even know a 'foliage system’ was a thing. What a time to be alive.

In summation, it looks like the same deal as usual: certainly a definitive edition for new owners, but nothing that makes a second buy ball-bustingly essential. Still, if your interest is piqued, feast your eyes on this latest PS4-powered trailer. It has mimes in.

Behold the Skimpy Stealthiness of the ‘Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain’ Pre-TGS Teaser (VIDEO)

Pre-TGS- Metal Gear Solid V- The Phantom Pain
This makes even Cammy look overdressed.

Thursday through Sunday, the Tokyo Game Show hits Japan like several tons of nerdly goodness. Because... that’s just what it is. It’s like E3, but with more creepy panty vending machines and questionable porn.

Which, y’know, sounds like a damn good time to us.

Anywho, this is the home of video games, right here. You’d expect all the ball-busting heavy hitters to be there, flaunting their wares like celebtastic getting out of taxis without their undercrackers on. And that’s just what we’re getting. One of the biggest names in games is already doing so, and the show isn’t even underway yet.

Here’s a quick little pre-TGS teaser from Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain. It’s forty seconds of the skimpiest stealth suit you ever saw, and a demonstration of a fancy new infiltration trick. Gone are the days of Solid Snake dicking about in a locker or dropping 'gentleman’s publications’ to distract the guards. We can now just turn effing invisible whenever we damn please.

Except we can’t, but this is rather funky regardless. Check out this fleeting Quiet showcase above.

Via Destructoid.

‘Resident Evil: Revelations 2’ First Trailer is Suitably Ghastly-Ass (VIDEO)

Resident Evil Revelations 2 Trailer
'Evil is watching you.' With... this huge weird eye.

Once again, we have some revelations about these Revelations. Hold on to your butts, it’s revelationception. Or something.

Earlier this week, we learned that Resident Evil: Revelations 2 will star Claire Redfield and Moira Burton (daughter of franchise favorite and dumbass ginger beard enthusiast Barry). It’ll be presented in episodes, and available later as a full balls-out retail release. Just to maximize Capcom’s dollartacular, naturally.

While furious nerds bitch fruitlessly at the Internet about these shenanigans, we have a first trailer to ogle. It has creepy, dingy-ass prisons, supercuts of various acts of blood-leaky violence, and that creepy eyeball thing. Because, as we all know, if you aren’t cruising slowly down a dimly-lit corridor, it’s not horror.

It’s certainly a hands/hatchet-on style of survival horror. Much like The Evil Within, to which the above bears an incredible resemblence. Almost enough to have lawyers polishing their stompy jackboots of gonad-grinding law-justice. Nevertheless, if this is survival horror with actual survival and horror in it, we’re sold.

Via Destructoid.

Gaming’s Whacked Out Week: ‘The Evil Within’ Only Needs a Watermelon and a Bag of Potato Chips to Scare the Hell Out of Us (VIDEO)

Whacked- The Evil Within
Relax, it's just a dude chewing on some noodles.

You’ve got to wonder at the badassery of movie/video game sound dudes. The key elements of Jurassic Park’s iconic T. Rex roar, for instance, were a baby elephant and a Jack Russell (see Vulture’s report on weird ass dino-movie sound trivia). We’re dealing with the kind of guys and gals who look at this 15 foot toothy death-beast and think, yep, this huge effer needs more Jack Russell.

Essentially, that sound that shook the effing theatres back in 1993 (and again last year in spangly 3D) was made by Eddie from Frasier. Meanwhile, the raptors’ barking sounds were made by tortoises having sex. Yep.

But hey. Don’t go thinking that sound techs only spend their days watching tortoise porn and pissing off geese, like the mad, mad bastards they are. Because they also like getting snacktastic with potato chips and watching their asses grow. For, y’know, work.

Here’s 'Delicious Evil,’ a bizarre clip from the making of The Evil Within. Sound designer Masahiro Izumi is tasked with creating the sound effects of the haunted chewing on your damn face, and he does it in style.

Via PlayStation Blog.