Chris LittlechildWebsite

Chris is a dedicated gamer and writer who is always looking to improve his skills in both areas. Having failed miserably to pick a major, his degree from the University of Hertfordshire combines English Literature, Creative Writing and History. (Oddly, it doesn’t even end there.) He lives in St Albans, but knows few people would ever have heard of such a place, so the nearby London is always a better answer. From the 'London'-based marshland nest he calls home, he writes gaming/humour/gaming humour articles and the occasional horror story, and benevolently attempts to befriend passing insects. As yet, none of them have been interested. He even offered a range of homemade baked confections to them once, to no avail.

Gaming’s Whacked Out Week: Continuing the Saga of the Outrageous Butt; Plus Space Invaders on a Mountainside

By Chris Littlechild | May 10, 2013 @ 9:40 am

Asstacular!

View the Gallery / 3 Photos »

For the less observant among the Ego-ranks, it’s Friday! Congratulations for surviving to the ass-end of another week without shitting in your boss’s wastebin, raising your fists heavenwards and exclaiming, Nuts to this, I’m going to travel to a snow-capped mountain and spend several painstaking hours crafting a bizarre-and-gigantic work of gaming art on the ground, using only the footprints from my chunky boots. That’ll show them! That’ll show them all!

Because that’s an actual thing that can happen, it transpires. Just ask Simon Beck, talented nutbag and star of this installment of the Whacked Out Week.

Elsewhere in the gallery, see how asses continue to be taboo ‘round Nintendo way, while dicks are entirely acceptable (if they’re famous dicks). Princess Peach also becomes that crazy harridan from The Ring who likes to crawl out of the devil’s rectum via our television sets. Because why not, that’s why.
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Fox Hunt (In Motion): Jackie Goehner Brings the Skimpy Sextastic to WonderCon 2013 (VIDEO)

By Chris Littlechild | May 9, 2013 @ 9:30 am

Reporter Dude got the sense that this would be a good day.

There are certain things that you can wager your wang will always surface at any comic convention. Inscrutable bespectacled Asian guys, small children being buffeted and/or trampled on by the crowd, general geektacular camararderie... we can (oftentimes) take this all as read.

Sadly, on a scale of 1 to erection, none of that rates particularly highly. As such, it’s time for another convention staple: cleavetacular cosplay. Last month, Jackie Goehner (visit her here) put the wonder in WonderCon by donning... this raunchy little number. It may resemble some kind of demonic bikini from the depths of Beelzebub’s balls, but we’re reliably informed that it hails instead from the comic/anime series Witchblade.

Additionally (and this is key, right here), she looks trouser-troublingly great in it. Take a look at this ogley interview from Game Fob, then check out more of the ladies of WonderCon 2013 after the jump.
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Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Pac-Man

By Chris Littlechild | May 8, 2013 @ 9:05 am

Waka waka!

You’ve probably heard the legend that Pac-Man’s appearance was inspired by a sans-a-slice pizza. First thing you learn in Video Game Anecdote-ery 101, that is. What may be unclear is just how in the name of Satan’s baggy balls he made the transition from fat-tacular Hey, Ma! I can’t see my wang no more Italian foodstuff to gaming icon. So let’s take a look.

Pac-Man was developed by Namco, and first surfaced in arcades in 1980. These were, as we’ve seen in this series, the days of merry middle fingers being given to such trivial concerns as plotting that isn’t batshit crazy/entirely absent. As such, we’re presented with the simple tale of the eponymous bizarre yellow fellow, trapped in a labyrinth with homicidal ghosts for no goddamn reason at all. His only form of sustenance? Strange pills he found on the (possibly) piss-soaked floor.

Holy Dramatic Music and Text Boxes, Batman! Check Out the Batman: Arkham Origins News Roundup (VIDEO)

By Chris Littlechild | May 7, 2013 @ 9:20 am

City-surfing in Gotham, inspired boss battles, and more.

Arkham aficionados (if you’re sitting in your Batman undercrackers -and, presumably, other attire- at the office as we speak, that’s you. Bonus points if you have a tattoo of the vengeful vigilante’s face on your scrote, and have named ‘him’ Bruce Wang) are surely aware of the impending October release of Batman: Arkham Origins. Thus far, Warner Bros. Games Montreal have taken care to propel only the scantest of info-nuggets into our eager eyeballs, but here’s something a little more substantial.

A month or so after the announcement, the Hype Train is surging along the tracks at a disconcerting pace; hapless maidens tied there by angry mustachioed bastards in craptastic capes (a la Snidely Whiplash, should anyone else be decrepit enough to remember him) have no damn chance. As such, it’s about the time for a succinct, everything-we-know-so-far summary. Which is just what we have right here, courtesy of BatmanArkhamVideos. Take a look.

Grand Theft Auto’s Greatest Past Trailers: GTA III- 10 Year Anniversary Edition (VIDEO)

By Chris Littlechild | May 6, 2013 @ 9:15 am

This sort of thing could ruin that guy's whole day.

We’ve all gleefully ogled the recent, wang-waving trailer for Grand Theft Auto V. Michael, Franklin and Trevor’s threefold narrative brought us many things: a head-on collision betwixt a craptastic old car and a train, a dude leaping from an apartment window in his skimpy little underpants as Queen’s Radio Ga Ga emanates from somewhere in the background, the kind of funky sideburns you just don’t see often enough in today’s society... you can fit a whole lot of crazy into a meager four minutes, it would seem.

The upshot being that we’re all very much in the mood to admire a few of Rockstar’s past vignettes. 2011‘s Grand Theft Auto III: 10 Year Anniversary Edition chose to forsake the character-centric introductory business, instead propelling several shitloads of pure actiontacular gameplay into our hungry, hungry faces.

It wasn’t a ‘new’ release (rather a re-imagining of the much-ballyhooed third game for iDevices), which provided the scope to simply show the great variety of the gameplay. Rooftop sniping? Driving a tank over a row of traffic like that army general who liked to drink between-drink drinks? This little doozy has/had you covered, with a little light flamethrower flambéing a row of cars for no goddamn reason to boot. Behold (again)!

Video Game Mammary-Memories: Peek-A-Boo Poker (VIDEO)

By Chris Littlechild | May 5, 2013 @ 12:00 pm

Yes, yes we do.

Continuing our retrospective regarding all things somehow dubbed ‘sexy’ in the pre-internet era, we have... Peek-A-Boo Poker. Hold your nose and tie your nuts in a knot, because this is several simultaneous kinds of terrible.

In the early Nineties, the youthful, ardent oglers among us (which is to say, all of us) didn’t have access to the world wide web and its virtual porn bounty. Such sleaze-ery could only be gotten at questionable adult video stores with suspect stains on the floors, or on the top shelf of the local magazine emporium (complete with strategically-positioned ‘brown paper stuff’ to obscure the important ladyparts, lest innocent children see them and their eyeballs spontaneously combust).

Gaming’s Whacked Out Week: Outrageous Butts, Grand Theft Auto V and Weirdness with Urinals

By Chris Littlechild | May 3, 2013 @ 9:07 am

View the Gallery / 3 Photos »

Today’s installment addresses all the vital issues facing today’s young, slim, not at all middle aged spread-y dudely dudes: ass ogling, Rockstar’s impending digital colossus Grand Theft Auto V and public toilet etiquette (which is, as we know, governed by such commandments as thou shalt not make eye contact, lest it be misconstrued as erotic interest. Who wants that from another guy when they’ve got their wang out? No-one, that’s who).

Visit this week’s gallery to hear the ridiculous tale of the swimsuited -and imaginary- ass that gave the family-friendly funsters at Nintendo an aneurysm (of outrage). There’s also a collection of fans’ most demented responses to the fresh Grand Theft Auto V trailers, and the game which tasks us with preventing a troupe of tiny cartoon guys from pissing on the floor. Yes indeed.
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