Swimsuits

Keeley Hazell Butt-Justs Her Baywatch Swimsuit Bottoms

Talk about a comeback. I had lost track of former Britty glamour model, well, former glamour model, still quite Britty, Keeley Hazell. A woman who dazzled with the bare boobtastic for several years almost like nobody ever before her. She was a queen among funbag royalty. Then, she quit it all to go legit, whatever that means, given as how I find sharing your bare sweet’ums to be the height of legitimate benevolence. Nevertheless, she took a turn at acting and commercial activities where her clothes stayed on, which left her off our radar for some time. Now, here is the lust inducing Keeley shooting on the beach in a super tight and apparently riding Baywatch style swimsuit.

I’m not sure what this shoot is for precisely, but I do know that Keeley’s swimsuit seems to be riding into her cheeks rather significantly requiring an experienced ‘pull man’ to ease her discomfort. I’ve been pulling to Keeley for years now quite informally. It’s time they allowed me on set to provide the service on a more practical manner. There’s no reason why a beautiful woman should have ever to tug her own thong out of her nether regions. Please, allow me. I have naturally warm hands with finger tips I had surgically implanted with crushed velvet. Trust me, you will never pull your panties out of your ass again. I can be there in ten minutes by helicopter, just say the word. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews

Jennifer Lopez Crazy Hot Cleavetastic Mom Swimsuit Photoshoot For US Weekly

I don’t know what Jennifer Lopez is eating or drinking, but I’ll have some of what she’s having, if you know what I mean. I don’t even know what I mean. I want Jennifer to have it all. This Forties and Faptastic MILF has somehow managed to get even hotter and more alluring with age, providing yet another generation of boys the proper form of passage into manhood, ogling, leering, longing, and then some other stuff that you need to ask your parents about.

When you think Jennifer Lopez and US Weekly your mind doesn’t immediately go to images of a desperately hot mom in a set of revealing swimsuit photos. But now it can. I give you permission. And ammunition to play out any and all veteran sextastic scenarios involving J-Lo, her swimsuits, and you coming to deliver ice to her to cool her down during tanning. Nobody delivers ice anymore, but you might as well run with it and pretend she asks you to rub it over her burning body to help reduce the swelter. It could happen. Step one, find where Jennifer lays out in those revealing suits. Step two, find ice. I’m halfway there. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: US Weekly

Vanessa And Stella Hudgens Shoot Themselves in Sexy Swimsuits

You can’t keep a good family down. Least not the hot sisters in the clan. I’m not exactly sure why Vanessa Hudgens and her teen sister Stella Hudgens were posing and posting in swimsuits and bikinis in a throwback type bikini bit of visual wonderment, but I’m glad they did. Certainly, they could find other hobbies, but at the end of the day, who would that serve? Certainly not us.

Vanessa has been a big thing now for a solid decade of Disney and post-Disney starlet-dom. Her younger sister Stella has had her turn on some Disney TV adventures and is working to land a signature role as the one that propelled her older sister in the circles of fame and sextastic. In the mean time, it’s just swimsuit selfies in the backyard. Works for me. If they ever take up knitting, all will be lost. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Charlotte McKinney Big Busty Swimsuit Boobtastic, Oh My

Charlotte McKinney is rocketing to sextastic stardom about as fast as any woman can with the jugs of bodaciousness fronting her fine female form. While we’ve been tracking Charlotte on our hottie radar for a while now, it’s only really been since this year’s Super Bowl that the world has known of her visual wonderment existence. Four short months ago. And now she and her ripe melons are just about everywhere. What a lovely turn of events.

Charlotte and her tingle inducing chestal goodness are on epic display in Vanity Fair this month, because, well, because they sell copies. They sell everything in fact. Mostly they sell Charlotte as a legitimate contender to the blonde bombshell throne. So many seek it, only one can occupy it at any given time. Or, you know, Charlotte, you could always sit on my lap. Think of me as Santa, but with a sordid past of indecency so like a mall Santa. I’m so in lust with Charlotte, I feel a song coming on. Also, the PIN number to my bank account. Such is the power of the swollen goodness. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Vanity Fair

Constance Jablonski Oiled Up In Swimsuits

When your former modeling agency sues you for millions for ditching them, it’s a pretty good sign you’re damn crazy hot. That happened to Constance Jablonski when she changed reps. Everybody knows a good thing when they’ve got it if it’s as good at laying down the lust line like French sextastic Constance.

Featured in the latest edition of Harper’s Bazaar Spain, Constance shows the unmatched power of the ridiculously hot woman in a swimsuit and an an oil rubdown. She’s literally shining with passion inducement. That body preening and posing and flexing, there ought to be a law making it illegal for her to ever stop. A dazzler indeed. Constance, you can swim in my pool any time. Well, my community hot tub. I’ll clean it. There’s still party cups in it from 2009. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Harpers Bazaar Spain

Selena Gomez Wet Cleavy Goodness in a Swimsuit

Selena Gomez is no longer getting all grow’d up. She’s there. The petite minxy brunette and belusted Latina diva may always be on the girlish side, but there’s no doubt she’s now got the allure of a fully locked and loaded pistol of a woman, featured in and featuring herself in various looks of mature delight.

In these shots from Jake Bailey, Selena shows off her coming out of the water bathing suit hottie look that she has nearly perfected. Just to remind you what going on vacation with her might look like, well, if she brought along her makeup artist and wardrobe stylist. I’d allow that, though I would insist they stay in separate rooms. I don’t need witnesses to the awesome power of my love making, even when I’m alone. Te amo, Selena. You will always be my little slice of sultry heaven. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Instagram/Jake Bailey

Liv Tyler Adjusts Straps On Polka Dot Swimsuit In Miami

The lovely Liv Tyler was spotted adjusting the straps on her sexy polka dot swimsuit in Miami. She’s got some killer cleav and one can only imagine the delights that could be glimpsed when she lifted up her top ever so slightly. I’ve been a fan of those perky chest puppies since way back in the day. When I was in high school way back in the mid-90′s, Liv starred in some videos for her dad’s band that were pretty darn sexy. It was then that I, along with every straight dude in America, fell in love with her. Also, you got a nice gander at her sexy legs. I remember envying Ben Aflleck for getting to touch those legs and make out with her in Armageddon. Some guys have all the luck.

Liv should really think about doing more movies scantily clad. I think it would be good for her career. Let’s put it this way, it rarely hurts it.

Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews