Nipple Pokes

Alexis Ren Could Not Be Hotter or More Barely Legal

I stand accused of finding Alexis Ren to be just out of this universe in the hotness department. This blonde native L.A. model has twisted my insides and untwisted by outsides since the day I first laid peeps upon her. And, now, well, now Alexis is eighteen and I’ve got some things to say about Alexis in this uber sextastic Mitch Tomlinson photoshoot.

Things like, Alexis, might I inspect your navel for a couple hours while blindfolded. Consider it an ancient Inuit getting to know each other tradition prior to me making many many babies with you. I don’t necessarily want to raise the children, but we can find them good homes in celebrity domiciles while we proceed to make more. We shall be fruitful and multiple and not wear any clothing for the next decade or so as we go about our sacred mission of planting and reaping and repeating. Damn, you look so good. I would give up gluten for you. But, please, don’t make me. If we’re to create many miracles in many positions, I’m going to need some pizza. I think I just cried. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Mitch Tomlinson

Paris Hilton Braless and Poking in Cannes at NRJ Awards Red Carpet

Billionaire Barbie knows one of the secrets to success is skipping the undergarments. I don’t care what your mother told you, clean underwear is no way to sell yourself as a dirty girl. Well, a naughty jet-setting heiress at least. Although it is quite possible Paris learned the commando tips from her mom. It’s all in the book she’s writing on how to raise daughters.

Paris was in the South of France accepting an award for being the top DJ in the microcosm of the European disco party scene. So, I think it was her versus the guys from Night at the Roxbury and some guy named Claude. She won and celebrated by showing up to the event without a bra, looking might fine in her red designer gown. I can never fault Billionaire Barbie for not having a good time. She seems to be delighting in her life more than many of her sad sack heiress and rich girl peers. For that, and for showing off her Hilton twin set, I give her credit. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Splash News / GSI / FameFlyNet

Rita Ora Nipple Pokes and Cleavage For Jingle Balling in Philly

Philly might be the city of brotherly love, unless you’ve been to a Flyers game rooting for the opponent, naturally, but it also served as the latest stop in the Jingle Ball radio station concert tour making it the city of Rita Ora nipple pokes and cleavage last night. Rita has never shied away from tight and showy stage costumes, even more so since she got fully into the rigorous workout routines of her fellow pop stars and really toned up her fine female form. If you’ve got it, flaunt it. And she did.

Pop music may be getting worse, or just plain always been bad, but the ladies belting it out and or lip synching it in concert sure are getting more faptastic and showy. Roll over Beethoven and all that. I think we’re finally found pop’s hot spot. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Getty Images / Splash News

Keke Palmer Nipple Pokes For Red Carpet Notoriety in the Big Apple

I haven’t heard of the movie The Imitation Game, but I have heard of lovely hottie Keke Palmer and I know well the myth of the alluring lady nipples. That’s more than enough for me to take note of Keke and her see-through bra type top at the movie premiere in New York last night, flashing a healthy dose of her headlights through her designer styled top that I’m sure cost more than my rent. To be fair, a large Evian and a California Roll to go costs more than my rent, but that’s because I live an economical life, you know, by choice.

I don’t know if anybody else has noticed it, but there has definitely been a trend toward see-through tops in 2014. I’d like to think the coven of fashionistas got together at some point and decided it was time to do something for the guys, but I’m guessing this has more to do with reinventing trends and being fashion forward and other nonsense that equals billions of dollars in annual sales. However, a gentleman ogler never looks a gift nipple in the mouth. Wait, actually, I think we do do that. Mmmm. Enjoy.

Khloe Kardashian Goes Braless In A Sheer Dress

Sexy vixen Khloe Kardashian was poking out all over in a sheer see-through dress at French Montana’s 30th birthday bash. Khloe forgot to wear a bra under her completely transparent dress. It must be a family trait. The result was a fairly clear view of her lady nips. Khloe’s funbags have long been eclipsed by those of her sister Kim but I think it’s high time that we celebrate how big and beautiful Khloe’s ta-tas are. They are nice and plump and they stay where they are supposed to, which as a woman gets older becomes more of a challenge.

The dress was also cut way up on the sides allowing us a view of that other Kardashian feature: her legs and hips. Oh, sweet mother of crap do I love a woman with curves. This is why I love Khloe. She’s never been afraid to show off them thighs.

Britney Spears Braless Mom About Town

It takes confidence in a mom about town to wear a tight t-shirt with no bra to the grocery store. I’d highly recommend more of the PTA set at least take the opportunity to give it a whirl. Let Britney Spears be your role model. The 30-something pop diva has forever eschewed the wearing of undergarments, even when in mother mode at the super market picking up some beans and things.

Britney gave the gentleman oglers pretending to pick lettuce at the local Vons quite a stir in their meat departments as her nipples and breasts were rather visibly shaped beneath her braless tee. I’ve always admired Britney for her free wheeling wardrobe ways. Given the time she’s put into her recent show-ready fitness routine, all the better. Let us all be more like Britney. The command part at least. Enjoy.

Kim Kardashian Brings Sheer Topped Knockers To Dad’s Birthday Party

Your stepfather’s birthday party seems like perhaps an odd place to wear a tight sheer top over your mammoth mammaries, but when you live life on camera, I suppose there’s no down time from the exhibition time. Kim Kardashian found the perfect dress to wear in a couple sizes too small for her curves and headed off to Bruce Jenner’s celebration. It was hard to miss Kim considering her massive funbags and nipples looked ready to go Vesuvius at any given moment.

I’ve never begrudged Kim using her big curves to earn a living. You need to work with what you’ve got. She’s turned the few things she’s got into a major business empire. That’s impressive even if you don’t care for her personally. And, yes, she had some help, from mom, and Mother Nature, and various doctors around town. Still, as long as Kim isn’t charging for ogles, I’ve made my peace with her vapid doll house life. Enjoy.