Who said fashion week was good for nothing? Okay, I am the one who usually says that, but inevitably something pops up that changes my mind. Or pops out. Like Kendall Jenner nipples poking commando through her gray top which I’m sure costs a fortune but we’ll never know why. That’s called fashion.
Kendall was running to and fro through the streets of Paris over the weekend shopping and sightseeing and being seen and naturally preparing herself for whatever difficult role awaits her on the catwalk. Distant gazing and all. But she seems pretty excited by the entire milieu of the City of Light, her headlights bursting through like a seasoned ambitious model. Did you really think I’d let me distaste of haute couture cause me to miss Kendall Jenner nipples? Nay, monsieur. Nay. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
There isn’t a single event in Hollywood where Maitland Ward and her sweet curves aren’t a welcome sight. Tis the season for wonderful shows of Sexy Santa costumes for girls like Maitland who bring their own Santa’s bag of tricks with them everywhere they go. If you need something to put you into the holiday spirit, just stare deeply into that racktastic bit of wonderment.
Christmas really is my favorite time of the year, in no small part thanks to how sextastic elves and Santa’s helpers have taken over the holiday by sheer force of being amazing looking. Maitland Ward is most definitely a North Pole treat that will leave you feeling the tug of gravity around your Southern Pole. That innuendo wasn’t even hardly veiled. Job well done, Maitland. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Splash News / GSI
Boobtacular pop princess Charli XCX was busting out of her cleavtastic jumpsuit at 103.5 KISS FM’s Jingle Ball. This thing had a plunging neckline that left little to the imagination. Charli has a pretty spectacular rack made all the better by her penchant for showing it off. It must have been chilly there because there was definitely some nipple pokeage going on that night. Some people criticize these young girl singers for being hyper sexualized. I say it’s a good thing. There is nothing wrong with young ladies looking up to girls that happen to dress in little to no clothes. Feminism doesn’t mean being frumpy.
I wonder how I snag an invite to next year’s Jingle Ball? It was a veritable schmorgasbord of hotties. I’d like to eat at that buffet table of sexiness.
Photo Credit: Getty Images
I stand accused of finding Alexis Ren to be just out of this universe in the hotness department. This blonde native L.A. model has twisted my insides and untwisted by outsides since the day I first laid peeps upon her. And, now, well, now Alexis is eighteen and I’ve got some things to say about Alexis in this uber sextastic Mitch Tomlinson photoshoot.
Things like, Alexis, might I inspect your navel for a couple hours while blindfolded. Consider it an ancient Inuit getting to know each other tradition prior to me making many many babies with you. I don’t necessarily want to raise the children, but we can find them good homes in celebrity domiciles while we proceed to make more. We shall be fruitful and multiple and not wear any clothing for the next decade or so as we go about our sacred mission of planting and reaping and repeating. Damn, you look so good. I would give up gluten for you. But, please, don’t make me. If we’re to create many miracles in many positions, I’m going to need some pizza. I think I just cried. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Mitch Tomlinson
Billionaire Barbie knows one of the secrets to success is skipping the undergarments. I don’t care what your mother told you, clean underwear is no way to sell yourself as a dirty girl. Well, a naughty jet-setting heiress at least. Although it is quite possible Paris learned the commando tips from her mom. It’s all in the book she’s writing on how to raise daughters.
Paris was in the South of France accepting an award for being the top DJ in the microcosm of the European disco party scene. So, I think it was her versus the guys from Night at the Roxbury and some guy named Claude. She won and celebrated by showing up to the event without a bra, looking might fine in her red designer gown. I can never fault Billionaire Barbie for not having a good time. She seems to be delighting in her life more than many of her sad sack heiress and rich girl peers. For that, and for showing off her Hilton twin set, I give her credit. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Splash News / GSI / FameFlyNet
Philly might be the city of brotherly love, unless you’ve been to a Flyers game rooting for the opponent, naturally, but it also served as the latest stop in the Jingle Ball radio station concert tour making it the city of Rita Ora nipple pokes and cleavage last night. Rita has never shied away from tight and showy stage costumes, even more so since she got fully into the rigorous workout routines of her fellow pop stars and really toned up her fine female form. If you’ve got it, flaunt it. And she did.
Pop music may be getting worse, or just plain always been bad, but the ladies belting it out and or lip synching it in concert sure are getting more faptastic and showy. Roll over Beethoven and all that. I think we’re finally found pop’s hot spot. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Getty Images / Splash News
I haven’t heard of the movie The Imitation Game, but I have heard of lovely hottie Keke Palmer and I know well the myth of the alluring lady nipples. That’s more than enough for me to take note of Keke and her see-through bra type top at the movie premiere in New York last night, flashing a healthy dose of her headlights through her designer styled top that I’m sure cost more than my rent. To be fair, a large Evian and a California Roll to go costs more than my rent, but that’s because I live an economical life, you know, by choice.
I don’t know if anybody else has noticed it, but there has definitely been a trend toward see-through tops in 2014. I’d like to think the coven of fashionistas got together at some point and decided it was time to do something for the guys, but I’m guessing this has more to do with reinventing trends and being fashion forward and other nonsense that equals billions of dollars in annual sales. However, a gentleman ogler never looks a gift nipple in the mouth. Wait, actually, I think we do do that. Mmmm. Enjoy.