Esquire magazine Posts:

Penelope Cruz Cleavetastic Hotness for Esquire

Penelope Cruz is another one of our brunette sultry Latina timeless beauties. She just seems to be getting hotter and hotter with each passing season. I suppose I could blame this on how relatively more desperate I'm becoming, but I'm pretty sure the rest of you agree with me as to Penelope's veteran hot mommy status.

Featured flashing her deep sweet cleave in Esquire magazine, Penelope reminds us all that pretty much every running off to Spain and making love to a beautiful Iberian girl fantasy involves somebody who looks an awful lot like Penelope Cruz. And most likely Penelope's ample bosom and fine female form. If you can't feel her hair waving over you and she yells out the names of the saints in Spanish, you're simply not fantasizing strongly enough. Enjoy.

Chrissy Teigen Cleavetastic Swimsuit Madness for Esquire

Chrissy Teigen kind of owns the world at the moment. SI covers, music artist husband, drunk ball tossing at Dodgers games. And, now this. One wicked hot spread for Esquire magazine that features our belusted Eurasian model in all kinds of glowing boobtastic and alluring outdoor swimsuit poses.

I'm not sure if Chrissy's funbags are getting bigger or that's just a trick of the camera or wardrobe or my ever imagining mind, but they certainly have a hold of me like a seal being taken down by a Great White. I can even feel her teeth. Chrissy, you are peaking at just the right time. That time is now. Enjoy.

Kate Mara Lounging in Lingerie Shivers Me Timbers

House of Cards helped me fall in lust with Kate Mara all over again. She really has the sextastic minx thing working overtime. Featured on the pages of Esquire magazine, Kate shows exactly why she works that cute girl next door routine like just about no other. I really can picture her next door to me and filling out those restraining orders my neighbor ladies always feel as necessary for some silly reason.

Kate Mara, lingerie, and a working couch are all I need to be happy. Well, maybe a little Warrant on in the background to set the mood and prepare the lady for the lovemaking of her life. Well, of my life most certainly. Maybe I'll get a single line in her diary. I'd consider that a big win. Enjoy.

Karen Gillan Mini-Undies Pictorial in Esquire is Majorly Hot

Karen Gillan obviously has a massive nerd army fan base from her Dr. Who days. Well, geek boys living in the basement, prepare to meet your maker via excessive fapitation after feasting peeps upon Karen in her bra and panties in some memorable photos in Esquire magazine to promote Karen's role in Guardians of the Galaxy out soon.

Karen is the proverbial ginger cutie next door that you pray doesn't realize she forgot to lower her blinds. Not that I would encourage peeping in private moments, but what happens in the hedges stays in the hedges as far as I'm concerned. Just look at Karen and tell me you're not straining your neck for a sneaky peek. She really has got that magic allure of perhaps not so innocent. Can not wait for Guardians of the Galaxy, or for Karen to decide the bra is too much. Enjoy.

Cameron Diaz Sextastic and Slightly Moist in Esquire

Cameron Diaz is pimping her new movie Sex Tape. And while her promotions include telling everybody she shot a scene nekkid for the movie, don't expect that to pan out into flesh exhibitions in the cut you see onscreen. We've been burned too many times by A-list actresses to believe in that hype any longer. Still, promotion for a Sex Tape movie of course has to include a few showy pictorials, including this sultry posing in Esquire magazine where Cameron Diaz confirms her spot on my Forty and Faptastic list of veteran hotties. She works hard to keep herself in shape, including lots of making of the sexy time to keep the hormones in balance. That and yoghurt I believe are the real key to lasting beauty.

Cameron, you still lift my boat high in the water. You've been doing it for twenty years now. You deserve some special attention and I intended to give it to you for at least the next seven to twelve minutes as I gaze upon your still sweet female form. You might feel a little sting. Enjoy.

Shay Mitchell Lingerie Revealing Goodness in Esquire

Are you familiar with Shay Mitchell, Cannuckian hottie from Pretty Little Liars? If not, you're about to get to know her, most every single inch of her in this super fine super silky hot bodied pictorial of Shay in Esquire Philippines. Yes, I'd go a long way 'round the world for a visual taste of Shay. She'd probably go even farther trying to hide from me. But I'm pretty good at finding Carmen Sandiego when she looks like Shay Mitchell does in a low-cut nightie.

Shay is another one of the half Filipina girls who drive me absolutely wild. I once dated a girl like this. She left me because she said I stared too much at her booty, which when combined with my being unemployed and addicted to Farmville, was somehow some kind of deal breaker. But you look at the likes of Shay Mitchell and try not to stare. That's a dare you can't win. Shay wins, because hot girls always win. Enjoy.

Charlize Theron Brings the Goodies Back in Bra Shoot for Esquire

I try to divorce the woman from the work as much as I possibly can. It seems only fair as I ask people to judge me on my character, and not just my record of completely misunderstood peeping tom arrests. So, I'm trying my best to ignore the fact that out of a billion eligible men, including myself, the veteran hottie Charlize Theron has decided that Sean Penn is the man to whom she wishes to give her body and soul and, oh, that body. I'm not one of those maniacal egomaniacs who thinks the girl should always be with me. I mean, I do beg, but I understand my realistic ceiling. Still, maybe a guy with a less extensive track record of beating up on the ladies? Charlize, we all care about you, for you, and naturally, want to see you nekkid and healthy.

Featured in the current edition of Esquire magazine, Charlize shows why late 30's is nothing for a genetically blessed hottie in terms of keeping up with the sextastic of the girls a decade younger. The South African thespianic is looking mighty fine in just her bra for this cheeky black and white spread. It's time likes these I remember my vow to humanity to invent a lickable computer monitor that tastes just like what you're viewing. For now, my prurient thoughts remain a generation ahead of available technology. Enjoy.