Esquire magazine

Cameron Diaz Sextastic and Slightly Moist in Esquire

Cameron Diaz is pimping her new movie Sex Tape. And while her promotions include telling everybody she shot a scene nekkid for the movie, don’t expect that to pan out into flesh exhibitions in the cut you see onscreen. We’ve been burned too many times by A-list actresses to believe in that hype any longer. Still, promotion for a Sex Tape movie of course has to include a few showy pictorials, including this sultry posing in Esquire magazine where Cameron Diaz confirms her spot on my Forty and Faptastic list of veteran hotties. She works hard to keep herself in shape, including lots of making of the sexy time to keep the hormones in balance. That and yoghurt I believe are the real key to lasting beauty.

Cameron, you still lift my boat high in the water. You’ve been doing it for twenty years now. You deserve some special attention and I intended to give it to you for at least the next seven to twelve minutes as I gaze upon your still sweet female form. You might feel a little sting. Enjoy.

Shay Mitchell Lingerie Revealing Goodness in Esquire

Are you familiar with Shay Mitchell, Cannuckian hottie from Pretty Little Liars? If not, you’re about to get to know her, most every single inch of her in this super fine super silky hot bodied pictorial of Shay in Esquire Philippines. Yes, I’d go a long way ’round the world for a visual taste of Shay. She’d probably go even farther trying to hide from me. But I’m pretty good at finding Carmen Sandiego when she looks like Shay Mitchell does in a low-cut nightie.

Shay is another one of the half Filipina girls who drive me absolutely wild. I once dated a girl like this. She left me because she said I stared too much at her booty, which when combined with my being unemployed and addicted to Farmville, was somehow some kind of deal breaker. But you look at the likes of Shay Mitchell and try not to stare. That’s a dare you can’t win. Shay wins, because hot girls always win. Enjoy.

Charlize Theron Brings the Goodies Back in Bra Shoot for Esquire

I try to divorce the woman from the work as much as I possibly can. It seems only fair as I ask people to judge me on my character, and not just my record of completely misunderstood peeping tom arrests. So, I’m trying my best to ignore the fact that out of a billion eligible men, including myself, the veteran hottie Charlize Theron has decided that Sean Penn is the man to whom she wishes to give her body and soul and, oh, that body. I’m not one of those maniacal egomaniacs who thinks the girl should always be with me. I mean, I do beg, but I understand my realistic ceiling. Still, maybe a guy with a less extensive track record of beating up on the ladies? Charlize, we all care about you, for you, and naturally, want to see you nekkid and healthy.

Featured in the current edition of Esquire magazine, Charlize shows why late 30′s is nothing for a genetically blessed hottie in terms of keeping up with the sextastic of the girls a decade younger. The South African thespianic is looking mighty fine in just her bra for this cheeky black and white spread. It’s time likes these I remember my vow to humanity to invent a lickable computer monitor that tastes just like what you’re viewing. For now, my prurient thoughts remain a generation ahead of available technology. Enjoy.

Lake Bell Sweet Epic Hot Outtakes from Esquire

Lake Bell really does have one of the finest female forms in all of Tinsel Town. Under-heralded in my view as many are. That’s why I am compelled to gift you these visuals of Lake and her stellar hot body from outtakes of her recent Esquire magazine photoshoot.

I’m not sure what lucky guy gets to find Lake Bell lounging half nekkid in his comfy chair when he gets home, but I’m pretty sure I’d remember if it was me. In fact, I’d never actually leave home in the first place, just inquire politely with Lake if I might be so helpful as to remove her undergarments with my incisors. Oh, man, that body was designed, built, and packaged in hot skin in some factory operating in my version of heaven. I really need to do a factory inspection soon. Lake Bell, please don’t make it stop! Enjoy.

Lake Bell Covered Topless and Body-Hottie for Esquire

Lake Bell truly has one of the finest female forms in all of Hollywood. It’s so vastly underrated. Not by me, mind you, as I say a little prayer to Lake’s body each evening, mostly in relation to finding her nekkid in my bed when I get home. That one hasn’t panned out yet, but I’m not giving up now.

Featured in the new edition of Esquire magazine, Lake puts on some skimpy see-through lingerie thingees just to remind everybody just how toned and curvy her sextastic lady parts are, even if she’s always omitted from superlative lists when it comes to girls in Hollywood who raise your temperature the most upon viewing. I’ll take Lake Bell and a bottle of whipped cream any day. Whipped cream being optional. Enjoy.

Jessica Pare Covered Nekkid in a Pool for Esquire

The thought of swimming nekkid with Jessica Pare surely is a tantalizing idea. The tall long and Frenchy-style lean thespianic has always had quite the naughty girl allure since many of us first fell for her in her classic lesbian teen making of the sexy scenes on screen.

While I can’t give Esquire magazine full credit on this wonderful pictorial, seeing as how we don’t really see Jessica’s finer parts, I do give props for a wonderful tease from a well-alluring woman with a sparkling personality. Now we just need to see the source of the sparkle. I’m ready for this, Jessica. Enjoy.

Alejandra Guilmant Is Really Good Looking and Covered Topless in Esquire Mexico

Me and like 500 million other guys I know have thing for super hot Latina ladies with killer bodies and alluring poses. So why not share in the visual delights of Alejandra Guilmant, Mexican fashion model turned cover girl for Esquire Mexico wherein her top treats are decidedly hand-bra’d, but her total sextastic is well on display.

I’d like to think that Alejandra is currently imagining making many babies with me, as I am with her, though that might be a little naive on my part. She’s a model, she probably wants me to make the babies with her hot looking girlfriend all surrogate like. I’m down for that Alejandra, provided you hold my hand the entire time. We shall sing the songs of ancient Mayans together, you and I. Enjoy.