concert photos

Jennifer Lopez Goes Crotch and Booty Showy for Her Return to the Bronx

We all know that Jennifer Lopez is Jenny from the Block in the Bronx. But did you know that she’s never actually performed in the Bronx before? I mean, not since being in kid talent shows and dancing in her living room for the relatives. Yeah, I didn’t know either. But in my defense, I’m mostly infatuated with her curvaceous bottom and spent little time stopping to do the life and background research. There’s only so much time in the day.

Jennifer returned finally to her hometown for a free show at Orchard Beach last night where she pulled all her hot bodied dancer and sort of singer tricks out of her bag. Including lots of her standard hits and a whole lots of legs, booty, and body on display. Hey, if you’re going to announce your homecoming, why not doing it by showing everybody what they’ve really been missing the last twenty years without you. Same reason I wore my authentic Stormtrooper costume to my high school reunion. Enjoy.

Taylor Swift Legs Out a Win in Shanghai

U.S.-Chinese relations might be strained these days, but that doesn’t mean we’re not sending Taylor Swift, our ambassador of long legs and supremely sentimental catchy pop music, over to Shanghai to dazzle the tweens of the populous nation and perhaps bring us one step closer to a common understand that young girls all over the world have truly horrible taste in music. Or, perhaps more importantly, that grown men all over the world dig a tall girl with long toned legs in shorts, even those silly high waisted ones the pop stars all wear so their booty cracks won’t pop out with all their bending and preening and leg spreading moves.

I don’t know exactly what people see in the music, but I do know you could do much worse than drawing Taylor’s name out of a basket when it comes time to pick your Secret Santa table dancer. Taylor is at least six inches taller than most of her peers, with her half foot of statuesque goodness going entirely into her gams. Now, she might not let you caress those stems until your 73rd date, but if you make it to 72, there’s no way you’re dropping out before that opportunity. Enjoy.

Katy Perry and Rita Ora Hot Hottie Body on Stage in Scotland

Aye, a wee bit of the hot birds on stage at Radio 1′s concert in the Highlands this weekend. There were a bunch of acts, but Katy Cocktease in her ancient Egyptian themed tight dress and Rita Ora in her booty hugging body suit and some unusual looking dreads certainly stood out for me.

I can’t say I’m particular fond of either young pop diva musically speaking, but pretty much obsessed in every other way and I could easily fake the musical interest part should I ever get a chance to help these girls change costumes backstage. That and a Ora-Swift-Perry sandwich are my two simultaneously occurring dreams at the moment. I wish you could see inside my brain, it’s like a quilt of really vibrant and not-for-kids images. I’ll be sure to donate it to some tawdry sex museum after my demise. Enjoy.

Miley Cyrus Super Extra Crotch Massaging in French Concert for the Holiday Weekend

Miley Cyrus is actually in the South of France, so I’m not sure they celebrate their memorial day in the same calendar fashion. Nevertheless, they do appreciate the international sign of friendship and peace as presented by Miley in concert and her constant grabbing, massaging, and pantomiming of the crotch. In the very least, Miley is corrupting the young girls of the world in equal measure, and what could be more egalitarian than that?

Miley Cyrus has most definitely raised the bar in the past year on revealing and mature themed stage antics. Say what you will about the former Hannah Montana, she’s forced every single other pop diva to strip off more clothes, flash more skin, and act more lascivious on stage. For that, we’d like to pin a medal on Miley. Just point to where you’d like to be pinned, Miley. Uh-huh, that was my guess too. Enjoy.

Miley Cyrus Backside and Frontside Fondling for London Nightclub Performance

Well, now you know the girls like to get a little playful when they perform the G-A-Y nightclub in London. A rite of passage that Miley Cyrus couldn’t possibly let herself fall into the moderate or tame category, so she hiked her unitard deep up into her nether regions and set about to sing her doleful melodies whilst diddling herself silly on stage.

I suppose this all falls under the category of performance art, though in many counties where I grew up this would have fallen under the categories of being arrested under the Jim Morrison provisions. Still, it’s swinging London, so Miley was swinging herself into the full-on stripper show category. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. In fact, upon triple inspection, I’d say there’s quite a few things going right. But I’ll let you be the judge of that. Enjoy.

Miley Cyrus G-Rated Bangerz Tour Rides Through Vegas

Hmm. I’m going to go ahead and say that the Miley Cyrus Bangerz tour may not be what they call an all-audience bit of entertainment. Granted, the shows are packed with impressionable young teens, who I suppose are learning where babies come from without the need for awkward conversations with their parents. Bangerz is sort of a public service in that regard.

Miley continued her bending and preening and self-poking on stage in Las Vegas, a city that actually seems suited to contain her particular stagecraft. Miley has obviously added some technical elements to her program to get attention and outrage, not necessarily in that order. But, smart girl, that all sells tickets, which I believe might be an even higher order goal than that public service bit. It’s hard to criticize success. So, I’ll just stare along with everyone else. Enjoy.

Miley Cyrus Thrusts, Jiggles, and Twerks During Her L.A. Concert Stops

You know it’s going to be big when the talk of the town pop star brings her act to Los Angeles. All the celebrities came out to be part of the media sensation of the Miley Cyrus Bangerz tour. It’s sort of taken the place of Lakers games as the place to be seen. You might say Staples Center hasn’t seen this much fouling since Kobe took his leave. But that’s a horrible horrible joke.

I’ll say this for Miley Cyrus, she answers all the people who will say ‘just ignore her’ by making herself impossible to ignore. You can love it or not, and her music, egads, but Miley is not only taking theatrical stage adult play to a whole new level, she’s backing up her near sex-on-stage routines by actually taking her clothes off in magazines. This separates her from a number of other pop divas who tease for the money. So, I applaud Miley, and I will in fact stare at her twerking arse in all her silly costumes. Because I respect the art, err, whatever that is. Enjoy.

Here’s a 30-second concert documentary I made for Bangerz, expressing my deep feelings: