Dispatches from the Apocalypse, Part Four

With just ten days left until the earth turns to rubble and ruin and all the girls on your wish-bang list are annihilated by a fire-breathing drag …

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Dispatches from the Apocalypse, Part 3: The End Is Nigh

Our good but entirely not quite sane friend Jack Tomas remains sequestered in his bunker, reporting on the likely form of the coming Apocalypse.  …

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The End is Nigh! Dispatches from the Apocalypse, Part 2 (VIDEO)

Our own Jack Tomas remains hidden in a secret underground bunker that eerily resembles his mother's basement, holding out and fortified for the com …

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Dispatches From The Apocalypse – Four-Armed Cyberpunk Robot

In something out of a future dystopian nightmare, some psycho invented a four-armed cyberpunk robot. In the video above the spiked mohawk wearing d …

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Dispatches From The Apocalypse: Snooki’s Baby – The Jersey Devil

Snooki had her baby. "So what? Snooki crapped out an orange flesh turd," you might say. "Sooner or later all of that slutting around was going to l …

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Dispatches From The Apocalypse: The Naked Congressman

The world is going to end December 21, 2012. I'm sorry if you had plans for the 22nd, but one can't control the end of the world. The Mayan calenda …

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Where the Fuck Did My Apocalypse Go????

Well, 12/21/12 came and went without any kind of bang, and speaking personally, I'm kind of pissed that I now need to pay my back rent, stop my end …

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Russian Meteorite Is Harbinger Of The End…For Real This Time

A meteorite streaked across the sky and crashed near a town in central nowhere Russia. Lots of people were hurt by falling glass from buildings due …

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Smoke on the Water, Fire in the Sky! Tonight We All Burn Like My Mom’s Cookies!

This is it people. If you haven't banged your unusually hot cousin or told your boss to suck your manhood right through your pooper, you're already …

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This Friday, The Earth Blasts Out of the Universe’s Ass Like A Messy Wet Fart!

That might be a slight exaggeration, but according to our own Jack Tomas, this Friday, the shit is going to hit the proverbial and global fan. C …

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Tool Using Dolphins May Replace Us

Dolphins have apparently developed the ability to use tools. Bottleneck dolphins, that live in the waters of the awesomely named Shark Bay in Austr …

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Naked Texas Caveman Is Not Me

A naked caveman has been terrorizing hikers in the mountains around El Paso, TX. The clearly insane scruffy dude has been living in a cave and wand …

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Makeout Not War…At Least In Canada

Makeout not war? That's what one pub in Calgary said. I'm currently on assignment in Canada, (where I'm trying to get information from a psychic mo …

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Who Cares About Topless Photo Scandals? We’re All Doomed on 12/21/12!

Ever since he finally read a newspaper story about the coming Mayan End of Calendar Days apocalypse planned not so conveniently just four days befo …

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Stephen Hawking Says The Robocalypse Is Real

I've been ringing the alarm bells for the coming robocalypse for years. As any regular reader of the Superego section of Egotastic knows, I'm a bi …

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Twinkies Will Now Last Forever

In my continuing coverage of the return of the Twinkie, we've seen how this symbol of American sugary awesomeness returned to us from the brink of  …

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Great, Now We Have To Worry About Sea Monsters

The list of things that are going to kill us increased this week when a friggin' sea monster washed up on a beach in New Zealand. The creature was  …

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Want To Train For The Zombocalypse? There’s An App For That.

It's hard to get motivated to exercise. Would it encourage you to go jogging if you were being chased by zombies? Of course! Luckily, there is an a …

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The Universe Is Going To Explode. Have A Nice Day!

So, the universe might blow up. I know I've predicted the end of the world before...like last week with that meteor in Russia and the Mayan apocaly …

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The British Government Is Ready For The Zombocalypse

OK, so I was wrong about the world ending last Friday. That's on me...and the Mayans. Still, that doesn't mean that we aren't looking down the barr …

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The Hand Fart Master’s Version Of “Let It Be”

In anticipation of the apocalypse tomorrow, I think we could all use a little pick me up. Perhaps some music? Maybe played by a teenage kid making  …

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Elmo And Hope Are Dead

Elmo is dead. Sorry kids, your little red friend has kicked the bucket. Kevin Clash, the legendary puppeteer who created Elmo, has resigned from Se …

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Berlusconi And Bunga Bunga “Eyes Wide Shut” Sex Parties

Silvio Berlusconi, Italy's former swinging prime minister, is in trouble again. This time he's on trial for allegedly banging an under aged prostit …

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