Gaming

The Weekly WTF: What the Eff is Your Deal, Pyramid Head?

News | October 9, 2014, 10:20 am

The Weekly WTF: What the Eff is Your Deal, Pyramid Head?

In the survival horror genre, Resident Evil is the daddy. It may have died on its ass in recent installments, eschewing the horror for balls-out shooter ideals (there are more freaking bullets flying around than in the last half hour of Commando, right here), but that’s moot. These mofos practically... Read More

Gah! Check Out the Creepy Smiley Dudes of ‘The Evil Within’ (VIDEO)

News | October 8, 2014, 9:25 am

Gah! Check Out the Creepy Smiley Dudes of ‘The Evil Within’ (VIDEO)

Holy balls. We did not sign on for this. Look at these bastards, with their dead eyes and vacant expressions. Whatever they’re planning, it’ll presumably end with someone’s colon on a stick, and we don’t want to be a part of it. They look like those people in the dining room, in the only... Read More

Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Starfox 64

News | October 7, 2014, 10:26 am

Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Starfox 64

Happy birthday, N64, you ol’ gray bastard! Well, yes, if you’re going to be pernickety, we missed the party a bit. The console hit these United States of ours eighteen years ago last Tuesday. But hey, nuts to birthdays. They’re no big deal. I forgot my wife’s birthday last year, and she... Read More

Honest Game Trailers Gets Down and Mocktastic with ‘Destiny’ (VIDEO)

News | October 6, 2014, 11:50 am

Honest Game Trailers Gets Down and Mocktastic with ‘Destiny’ (VIDEO)

Honest Game Trailers, you cheeky bastards. Have some respect for your elders, your superiors, your... AAA games which don’t want you to know they actually underwhelmed our asses. Step forward, Destiny, the latest title to be tarred and feathered by Honest’s... feathery tar of piss-takery. Yes... Read More

‘Far Cry 4’ is a Bear-Harpoonin’ Good Time

News | October 6, 2014, 9:40 am

‘Far Cry 4’ is a Bear-Harpoonin’ Good Time

Bears, as we know, are awesome. They spend their days shitting on the floor of caves and swiping pic-er-nic baskets, and we’re damned if we’re going to question their lifestyle choices. These hairy-assed mofos eat umpteen tons of food and sleep for a whole freaking season, and you just can’t argue... Read More

Meanwhile, in ‘Mortal Kombat X,’ Quan Chi is Still An Ass (VIDEO)

News | October 3, 2014, 11:58 am

Meanwhile, in ‘Mortal Kombat X,’ Quan Chi is Still An Ass (VIDEO)

Ah, Quan Chi. Since your introduction in Mortal Kombat: Defenders of the Realm (which you may remember as ‘y’know, that shitty Mortal Kombat cartoon from the 90s’), you’ve been one of the series’ most hated villains. Which is quite a feat, when you consider the MK competition. We’ve got... Read More

Turns Out, Duke Nukem and Doom are Art. Who Knew?

News | October 1, 2014, 11:44 am

Turns Out, Duke Nukem and Doom are Art. Who Knew?

It’s easy to have a rather scathing attitude towards art. Y’know, when those fancy shows exhibit things like a unmade bed with a couple of pubes in it. Or half a shark in a tank of formaldehyde. Or that screwed up ball of paper and wad of blu-tac which won... some fancy-ass arty prize or other. You... Read More

Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Super Smash Bros. Brawl

News | September 30, 2014, 10:31 am

Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Super Smash Bros. Brawl

Gentlemen, you’ll probably need to be sitting down for this revelation. Against all odds, Wii U has a second game to be assed about on the horizon. After the success of Mario Kart 8, Smash Bros. is now coming. Who knows, the console may not die in a defeated heap of gimmicky shame after all. The... Read More

Yep, 'Alien: Isolation' Will Creep You Out. And Kill You (VIDEO)

News | September 29, 2014, 11:27 am

Yep, 'Alien: Isolation' Will Creep You Out. And Kill You (VIDEO)

Horror films and horror games aren’t all that, y’know, scary. We don’t say this because we’re manly man-beasts with gonads of steeliest steel, who fear nothing and no-one (we are, naturally, but that’s moot). More because we’re big ol’ cynical bastards. We’ve seen it all before. The... Read More

Get Your Badass Breakfast On, Zelda Style

News | September 29, 2014, 10:15 am

Get Your Badass Breakfast On, Zelda Style

See this? This is pretty damn cool, right here. Or rather, it’s the polar opposite of cool, which makes it all the effing cooler. As we know, mornings suck. Monday mornings? They’re the suckiest suck that ever sucked. You know the routine: you’ll hit the snooze button seventeen times, wish... Read More