Just when you thought it was safe to go in the hipster waters, Coachella Part Deux took place over the weekend out in the California desert, inviting back tens of thousand of wristbanders along with another slough of sextastic celebrities spending tons of dough to look like second hand store shopping hippies. It might be somewhat irksome were it no for the cleavetastic bits of exhibition put on by the same lovely ladies, including Kelly Brook who was flashing so much wonderful cabbage I thought she might just spill out. That may have been reaching too close to the sun.
Kelly was joined by Diane Kruger and Paris Hilton and Nina Dobrev and others desperately trying to look Bohemian because I don’t really know why. I guess I didn’t get the memo. I never get the memo. But I do notice trends in the world of ta-ta’s, and clearly skin was in this Coachella weekend. I guess there was probably some music too, though in the VIP area I think everybody was listening to their favorite house music on their ear buds. Funbags make everything better. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet/Splash
Something old and something new, something hot to turn your bobos blue. I kind of changed that saying a bit I suppose to fit our particular Boob Tube Roundup needs this week. Alexandra Park and Merritt Patterson showing off bikini boobtastic in The Royals, Billie Piper re-animated in topless form in Penny Dreadful, Lotte Verbeek in Outlander flashing her Funions, and the deliciously delightful Nina Dobrev never quite nekkid enough in Vampire Diaries, but still so damn hot.
If you had any wondering as to whether the small screen or the big screen is showing more hot lady skin these days, it’s not even close really. The cineplexes are relegated to keeping the flaunting flesh away from the kids lest they turn into sociopathic beasts at the sight of nipples. Meanwhile, the multiple viewing options at home are proving you can have quality television and quality racks all in one show. A couple steps forward, a couple steps back. You’re only breaking even if you’re not sure where to look. Enjoy.
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Why not celebrate women in television? With these fine smoking hot ladies, why not celebrate women coming to my abode because they’re boyfriend broke up with them and their looking for tawdry, meaningless sex with a man that will surely leave their boyfriend scratching his head. I’m that guy. Oh, Jaime King cleavage come and be my play toy.
Jaime was joined by hotties Nina Dobrev, Jenna Dewan Tatum and other hotties at this magical gathering of ladies honoring ladies for being ladies. I think I love that idea. We really don’t need such a thing for guys. I’m certainly not going. I hope they discussed my Boob Tube Roundup and how to get on it. The qualifications are ever so simple. Jaime, just open up your dress top a tad bit more and you’re in. I don’t do complicated. Just simply sextastic. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Splash
Normally, we do tend to restrict the hallowed ground of the Boob Tube Roundup to those small screen thespianics who dare to bare their dramatically trained funbags for all the world to see. But this week in particular there happened to be three rather noteworthy bikini hotttie reveals on non-nude network television (boring) that deserves some leering attention.
Nina Dobrev and her wicked hot bikini body in Vampire Diaries, Kaley Cuoco in a brief bikini top moment in Big Bang Theory, and Elena Satine who we fell in love with on Magic City now flashing busty bikini hotness on Revenge. Oh, if only these shows made for adults were not so frightened to reveal like adults, we could’ve had something even more epic. Though I assure you this trio in two pieces will still amazing. Joining them from our topless cable side is Charlotte Spencer in the British series Glue and Evelien Bosmans in the Euro show Amateurs, this week, because we still need a little sweet boobage in the boob tube roundup. Enjoy.
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Why not start to cap the summer vacation season off with even more super hotties in bikinis on luxury vessels parked for play time in the Mediterranean. As you know, one of my few pet peeves in life is my inability to yet afford a sea worthy vessel that would induce and or trick various sextastic models and actresses onto my yackt for bikini play time. I feel like I’m getting closer, but progress is measured in cents rather than dollars, so my time horizon might be longer than I think.
Nina Dobrev took her last few days of summer break off off the coast of Spain, showing off her fine female lady vampire form in a little black bikini that complemented her curvy body in a manner that I would compliment it if I were wooing her on my own ship. Nina really is one of those consistently amazing looking Tinsel Town residents who doesn’t get enough praise for all the smiles she brings to men and boys. So, today, Nina, I salute you all over. Enjoy.
The Art of Elysium Gala really is one of the parties I don’t get invited to each January that irks me to no end. I’m kind, I’m considered, I’m well-mannered, and I have a 20% coupon for Tuxedo rental at the Men’s Wearhouse. I’m good to go on this type of gala, filled with mega-hotties like Nina Dobrev, Ali Larter, Jamie Lynn Sigler, and many many more. So why no invite?
I can’t only assume discrimination. A prejudice built up against me because maybe once or twice or thrice in the past I’ve been known to peek down guests low cut tops or up under dresses for my scientific research on panties colors. And, yes, there is the occasional untoward proposition of the ladies up to 80 years of age in attendance, but I assure you, that is almost entirely the fault of how alcohol interacts with my brain after the first seven beverages. I deserve an invite to the ball. I feel so Cinderella right now, still waiting on the fairy godmother though. Enjoy.
I think it goes without saying that you can’t have a lowest common denominator of taste than anything teens choose on national television. So unless you’re a 14-year old girl and when asked about the last book you read you answer, ‘Huh?’, you’re probably not a fan or even familiar with the name of most of the honorees and winners at last night’s 2013 Teen Choice Awards. Just know that somebody at Fox thought it’d be cool to give away surfboards instead of trophies, because that’s so damn teen relatable.
Nevertheless, as always, anything award show related and big network is going to bring out some serious starpower and some sweet hotties decked out in their finest, including Selena Gomez, who stole the show in her double slit form fitting dress, ever hot Nina Dobrev, Miley Cyrus sticking out her tongue for no reason, underrated Shay Mitchell, a busty grown up Abigail Breslin, and much much more. You really should get out your Mr. Zogs and check them all out. Enjoy.