Miranda Lambert

Kellie Pickler, Miranda Lambert, Sofia Vergara Highlight the Hotness at Country Music Awards

One thing you can count on at the American Country Music Awards: twang and ta-ta’s. That’s two things. Well, three if you’re one of the technical types. The ladies do know how to squeeze into tight pushing up dresses for the country music events. It’s all part of the milieu and definitely the better part of the events for me.

Kellie Pickler, Miranda Lambert, and Beth Behrs were among the lovely blondes strutting their curves on the carpet last night of what I believe was the 50th anniversary of the event. Texas girls were everywhere, meaning the makeup and cleavage was simply unstoppable. There was music too I suppose, though I must admit my lack of knowledge of all things country music outside of their women folk. And I suppose the tales of boozing and womanizing and heartbreak and making bad mistakes. I really should relate more to country music. Bring on the ladies! Enjoy.

Photo Credit: INF/Splash

Miranda Lambert Bikini Stripes A-Hoy Hottie in Honolulu

Miranda Lambert is looking good. I couldn’t be happier if I lost the weight myself. And you couldn’t be happier because why the hell do you care if I look good in a bikini in Hawaii. Miranda on the other hand, a nice country sextastic singer who is now down to beach exhibition weight and showing off every inch of her hard restraint.

I think Miranda herself was the first to admit she got a little too thick around the midsection there for a little while. It’s surely nice to ogle her now that she’s delighting in her own body as well. It’s almost like we’re on the same page, even though we’re actually hiding in the bushes and making little guttural grunts. I’d like to think she has a little inner smile knowing the ogling gentlemen are once again sizing her up for the evening REM sleep feast. Enjoy.

Kellie Pickler, Miranda Lambert, Carrie Underwood, Kristen Bell Highlight the Hotness at the CMT Awards

Now, I could swear they just had the country music awards a month or two ago in Vegas. But I’m sure that was a different event than the CMT Awards last night in Nashville that saw an assemblage of hotties that really other musical genres have a difficult time matching.

Carrie Underwood might just be my perfect woman. Kristen Bell could easily be my girlfriend on the side if I let her. I’d have to motorboat Miranda Lambert should we ever cross paths in my Red Roof Inn suite at 4am. Kellie Pickler and I could easily hot tub until our prunes begin to prune. And I’d be happy to give LeAnn Rimes and all over body massage and hear her complain about her husband’s ex-wife. I’m down for it all. Something tawdry and melancholy and prurient and horny. Kind of like country music itself. I nailed that. Enjoy.

Shakira, Olivia Munn, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, and Miranda Lambert’s Funbags Lead List of Nice Sights at Country Music Awards

I’m pretty sure the Academy of Country Music Awards holds their ceremonies about five times a year now. At last it seems like these country awards are going on nonstop throughout the year. But I think this is the big one, or one of the big ones, in Vegas and bringing out all the big names in country, or the big names in hotness at least, which is far more important.

The parade of beauties included Shakira, Taylor Swift, Carrie Underwood, Miranda Lambert, Olivia Munn who I don’t think sings country but was super cleavy, and a gaggle more of super sextastic decked out women who wouldn’t love me even if I played guitar and crooned about how hard it is to do something basic. It’d be easier to make fun of country music if they didn’t have such super good looking women. Sort of like making fun of the dude in high school who got all the girls. Sour grapes, I know. Enjoy.

Kaley Cuoco, Taylor Swift, and Carrie Underwood Standouts at ACM Awards

(I’d add Miranda Lambert in there too, though when it turned out she isn’t pregnant, as were the rumors, just said she ‘ate too much over the holidays’, well, that did hurt her sextastic appeal that is buried there still somewhere.)

You know I know little about Country Music. So, it’s like most things. But I do know that hot girls go for Country music guys, and there’s even a few hotties among the country music performing crowd as well. At last night’s glitzy ACM Awards, several noteworthy faces made an appearance, including a cleavy Kaley Cuoco, an increasingly good looking though still kind of annoying Taylor Swift, and a vastly underrated Carrie Underwood. It was country music at its finest, literally. Enjoy.

Miley Cyrus and Maria Menounous Our Favorite Desert Hotties at iHeart Radio Music Festival in Vegas

Still not really sure who programs the iHeart Radio Music Festival every September out in Vegas, but the theme seems to be just get the most popular music acts out there and heap them together in one big pile of rock, pop, rap, MTV style making of the most consumer friendly sausage ever. It’s shameless, but ever so popular, natch, and on the upside, the annual monster music show in Sin City brings out hella hotties for both performances and to walk the celebrity red carpet.

Two of our favorites this year were the newly blonde-spiked Miley Cyrus, wearing a see-through top, but sadly and unusually covered for her and Maria Menounos, who needs no reason to show up wherever she wants in hot tight leather pants. Joining this dynamic duo were Nina Dobrev, Taylor Swift, Christina Milian, and Miranda Lambert in a nice fleshy, but not nearly showy enough, pile of desert strip sextastic. Enjoy.

Brooklyn Decker and Taylor Swift Lead List of Sexy Sweethearts at Country Music Awards

What I know about Country Music can be summed up in one short statement: I once got high with Willie Nelson. Well, on his tour bus. Well, a bus on his tour. And maybe it was tequila shots and not weed. Stories have a way of growing over time. But, to really sum it up, I don’t know jack about Country Music. However, anywhere sexy celebrities go, I will follow. And, man oh man did they head out to Vegas by the hotness droves for the Country Music Awards this past weekend.

Brooklyn Decker, who’s Country music connection I don’t get, but glad she made the trip and packed that rack-fitting dress, Taylor Swift looked hot, if you’re into Taylor Swift (as I am, in the dark recesses of my mind), Julianne Hough, who can steal a show her own hotself, Carrie Underwood who decks out like nobody’s business, Nicole Kidman, who married into country, Miranda Lambert, a newcomer whose funbags are undeniably Grand Ole Opry ready, and AnnaSophia Robb, who is just everywhere these days pimping her surfer movie, and I’m glad she is. Enjoy.