Kim Kardashian

Kim Kardashian Dropping Motorboat Fantasies Near the Shores in South Hampton

Look, I'm as tired of the Keeping Up with the Kardashian dreaded coven as the next guy. But when I see a celebrity with low cut tops and tremendous ta-ta's like Kim Kardashian, I can't deny my motorboating fantasies still kick in something fierce. You don't want to have to marry her (god forbid) to feel the sense of pride in imagining her floppy funions smothering you in the face as she tells you about all the must-see stuff in her new Hamptons spinoff.

Maybe I'm just speaking for myself at this point. But somebody besides my dog Mr. Flugelhorn needs to hear this. Kim Kardashian may not be the one to bring home to mother, but to my Red Roof Inn suite for a half an hour, motorboats away! I'm in. Enjoy.

 

Kim Kardashian Sideboob In The Hamptons

Kim Kardashian showed off her legendary jugs in a tight black tank top in the Hamptons. On her way to lunch she seems to have forgotten her bra and most of her shirt. The result is a bevy, (a bevy I say), of sideboob. You can see 30% of those luscious melons that made Kanye West finally settle down. There is also copious cleavage. The thing I love most about Kim Kardashian is her hatred of wearing a bra. It's a decision every woman has to make and I celebrate her choice, nay right, to show off her nips and sideboobs several times a week.

Also, I didn't know she was in the Hamptons. I'd gladly drive the two hours out there on the off chance that I could see those lovely ta-tas in person. It's like seeing an American institution up close and personal. It's similar to seeing the Lincoln memorial or Grand Canyon only it's better because it's boobs.

Kim Kardashian Deep Big and Blue Boobs Steal the Show at Sister’s Birthday

You know how these things go. Don't invite your sister Kim if you want to be the center of attention at your own birthday party. As with any Kardashian personal event, Khloe's 30th birthday proved to be a TV exploitable event for the entire family, including Kim Kardashian who showed off her mammoth mammaries to ensure every paparazzi camera within ten miles of the Isle of Manhattan was trained on her chest. If you got it, flaunt it, baby. I'm sure Khloe wasn't happy, but then her personal wishes have to be sacrificed for the betterment of the entire gentleman ogling community which got two acres of Kim rack in the exchange.

I've never been a sister, or a girl, except occasionally in my dreams. I'm guessing this kind of upstaging does not go unnoticed. I know I noticed it. I suppose Kim will tell her little sister, hey, I can't help it, this is just how I was drawn. And she may just be right. Enjoy.

Kim Kardashian Nipple, Bella Thorne Eats a Hot Dog, Sasha Cohen Bikini Highlight the Sextastic Twitpic Roundup

This week's Sextastic Twitpic Roundup was so big, I had to rent a warehouse just to store it in. Well, the Roundup plus my newly arrived mini-museum of beers from around the world. I tried to sign up for the girls from around the world club but it was out of my price range. Beer is a nice stand-in. And speaking of stand-ins, wow, the sextatstic celebrities stood in big time this week for racy, naughty, hot and heavy social media candids. I dare say this was the biggest week ever, but only because I can't wait for it to be topped.

This week's Roundup includes Bella Thorne being teasy Bella Thorne, Sasha Cohen in a bikini, Selena Gomez bikini, Jo-Jo Levesque busty bikini, Emily Ratajkowski cleavy, Kelly Osbourne booty, Pia Mia Perez cleavy, and much much more. You owe it to the 1-0 World Cup loss slide-into the next round by the USMNT to check out each and every one of these wicked hot social media self-candids. Enjoy.

Kim Kardashian Booty Packed Into Ultra Tight Skirt in West Hollywood

As the old saying goes, you don't want to know how the sausage is made, you just want to taste it off the grill. I may have added that last part, but it certainly seems apropos to Kim Kardashian and her moneymaker behind when packed into a skirt so tight, the inventors of the fabric ought to win some kind of Nobel award for manufacturing achievement.

Kim was out filming her reality show in West Hollywood and I suppose was only being shot from the front, as her entire bra was exposed in the back, albeit that's also where her million dollar butt-baby was stationed, so I'm not exactly sure what the E! camera instructions are. Either way, let's be honest, Kim's ginormous seat cans are impressive to the layman and the cleric both. She may be one of the most hated women in poll after poll, but there's nary a man alive who wouldn't like to try and scale Mount Butt-Everest at some point around midnight on a Saturday. Enjoy.

Kim Kardashian Is Cleavtacular In New York City

Newlywed Kim Kardashian flashed some serious cleav in a revealing top in New York City. And I mean revealing. The thing is split almost to her navel allowing a full view of the sides of those famous funbags. The seam is just to the side of her nips. I respect Kim for having the guts to walk around New York with her lovelies hanging out. She is comfortable in her own skin and doesn't mind showing off some of that skin. Or a lot of it. That Kanye West is one lucky dude. Not only is he a gajillionare, he gets to come back to those lovely lady mounds every night. Some guys get all the breaks.

I don't know how I didn't see this cleavage from my apartment in Brooklyn. If I can see the Empire State Building from my street I should have been able to spot Kim's cleavage in Manhattan, right?

Kim Kardashian Flashes Sideboob In Paris

Kim Kardashian was seen walking around Paris with her Eiffel Towers practically bursting from her couture. Kim was sporting a very revealing tank top and she "accidentally" forgot to wear a bra, mon dieu! There is all kinds of sideboob action going on. Her funbags shone forth like beacons of American freedom to the Frenchies. There is no denying that Kim's jugs are spectacular. She knows it too, which is why she so often has them on display. Magnifique! Kim is in France for her wedding and is going to also attend the Cannes Film Festival. Speaking of cans, her legendary booty was also shown off in her tight skirt.

I'm not exactly sure why Kim is going to Cannes, after all there isn't a category for the Palm d'Or for reality TV... Yet. But I think they should seriously consider adding a "best performance by a pair of ta-tas". I nominate Kim's sweater puppies.