Kendall Jenner

Happy Birthday, America (Here’s Some Hot Celebrities in Bikinis Sucking Popsicles)

For all her cracks and creaking floorboards, there's no place like home. Happy 238th birthday, America. You may be too prude for boobs in magazines and on television, but like my conservative Aunt Ella, you still manage to surprise me each Christmas with a different color pair of winter socks.

To celebrate the birth of the nation, we've put together a few red white and blue bikini and popsicle sucking photos of some of the hottest celebrities celebrating the 4th and summer in the most exposing and tongue-licking way possible. Yes, it's a crude birthday present, America, but don't worry, my Aunt Ella got you some socks to keep your feet warm. Happy Birthday.

Kendall Jenner and Hailey Baldwin Bikini Paddle Boarding in the Hamptons

Kendall Jenner is spending the summer in the Hamptons with her family being filmed, like we all did when we reached the age of high school graduation though not necessarily graduating. I'd complain in some shape or manner, but I'd rather watch Kendall Jenner in her bikini floating on a paddle board along with her teen friend Hailey Baldwin, the non-lesbionic Baldwin model offspring. I'd feel bad about peeping on this innocent sunbathing session were it not for the fact that a team of E! cameramen were nearby staging the entire event. Plus, I'm sort of incapable of shame.

It's hard to look at grown up Kendall and not harken back so many years ago when she was just an innocent starting out on Keeping Up With the Kardashians by laying in her swimsuit on a paddle board. Now, here she is, an adult, laying in her swimsuit on a paddle board. She's come a long way. And so have we, to the point now I can even mention how she got the model hot body in her family. She is the one. Not like in the Matrix, just in my corrupt an already corrupted Jenner dreams. Enjoy.

Kendall Jenner Bikini Booty on a Paddle Board, Where It Seems So Happy

On the off chance you'd like to see Kendall Jenner bikini booty on a paddle board, our friends at WWTDD are giving it it's rightful due. Kendall is in the Hamptons filming with her sisters such that American may once again be flush with quality television entertainment.

There's really no denying that Kendall grew into the tall, lean, modeling machine her sisters never could. Now, revel in her teen delights, she'd want it that way. Enjoy.

Kendall Jenner and Kylie Jenner Photograph Each Other Dolled Up on the Docks

Take my photo first, Kendall.
No, me first, Kylie
God, you look so great in that dress
Shut up, your ass looks amaze. I wish I had your butt.
You're the hottest
You're the hottest
Bestie sisters for ever!

I have no idea if this is how teen girls talk, at least not since the restraining orders. But I'm guessing it's something like this as Kendall Jenner and Kylie Jenner got all decked out for a fancy Manhattan dinner, taking time out to take some cheeky photos of each other along the docks. And, naturally, our paparazzi took photos of the girls taking photos of each other. We're watching the watchers. Especially the attractive Jenner girl watchers. Somebody has to. Enjoy.

Kendall Jenner To Do Webcam Shows?

I don't know. The idiot savants at WWTDD have word that Kendall Jenner has been offered millions of dollars to do webcam shows for Jasmin.com

Will Kendall Jenner get nekkid on camera? Well, one might presume she already has. But the question is, will she officially for a boatload of cash? And, more importantly, when she does, how many seconds before I login and tell my boss I'm sick for the day? Enjoy.

Kendall Jenner Without Panties, Kylie Jenner Showing Off Her Top, It’s the MuchMusic Awards!

Look, I could spend my couple minutes with you bemoaning the state of the world, not to mention music, and Canada in general. Or we could just look at the Jenner girls who were tapped to host the MuchMusic Video Awards in Toronto over the weekend and showed off in about a half dozen various revealing wardrobe changes to please the consumer eye.

Kendall Jenner started it off by wearing a double slit dress on the red carpet that appeared to reveal a complete lack of undergarments. Obviously, I am snooping about for more shots to verify. Kylie Jenner managed to utilize her own teen assets that for some arcane reason I'm implored not to discuss in any great detail. As in, she can show them, but it's another year or so before we can discuss them. Seems fair. Or not. Either way, the MuchMusic Awards were dominated by the Jenner girls and some craptastic music and lots of hooting and hollering for Canadian starts I've not heard before. Justin Bieber wasn't there, so score one for Canada. They snagged the Jenner girls half-nekkid, so score two for Canada. That's your hockey final score right there. 3-0. Enjoy.

Kendall Jenner Topless Kinda Sorta For Interview Magazine

It's not the topless we've been hoping to see these seven long months now since Kendall Jenner has turned eighteen, but we are definitely getting closer. Let's put it this way, Kendall is definitely now shooting topless. Although her hands and arms are up and blocking her good bits still, I dare you to hold up your hands and arms in the air and hold them. They get tired. This can't possibly go on much longer for her. Not to mention sneaky peek outtakes which must exist somewhere.

Featured in the new edition of Interview magazine, Kendall does put on the typical topless covered model pose down, proving that she not only has the looks and body and birthright to be a model, but she's got the finer points down as well. I suspect she'll go pretty far in this world, though hopefully not too much farther without first lowering her hands. Enjoy.