Katy Perry

Even Grandpa Smurf Wants Katy Perry To Show Us Her Smurfs (And Other Highlights from the Smurfs 2 Premiere)

Grandpa Smurf is a wise one. At least, that’s how I recall his character from a few years back in betwixt a few hellacious bong rips. Even the elder Smurf knows it’s time for Katy Cocktease to stop smurfing around and let those smurfs see the sunlight. Sadly, Katy would not bow to Papa’s wishes, let alone ours of the past several years, and remained entirely smurfed up, though still definitely smurfing hot at the L.A. premiere of Smurfs 2.

Joining Katy in the mini-smurfastic parade for the craptastic kids film was Britney Spears, looking a bit cleavy in Smurf blue, and former Miss Puerto Rico Joyce Giraud, smurfing up a bit of smurfy sideboob, just so the kids in the audience could get a little glimpse of adulthood fun. All in all, it seemed like a smurfy occasion for a film that even with a gun to my head would be a 50-50 proposition to view. Enjoy.

Katy Perry Looks Pretty Damn Hot in Vogue

Katy Cocktease is in the news today complaining about how Russell Brand was so super cold in breaking up their marriage. I’m supposing Russell probably has a different story to tell. I know with divorced couples it’s like one of those TV cops show mysteries where two people who witnessed the same event saw two completely different things.

What remains more undeniable about our favorite (or most stressful) cocktease celebrity is that she shows up big for big events and pictorials. Including her current spread in the new edition of Vogue magazine, definitely rated PG, but still, the pop diva shows the tools of why she is of great interest to all of you in the first place. She’s a very good looking woman. A very good looking woman who won’t show us her hooters, to be precise. Alas. Enjoy.

Hayden Panettiere and Sofia Vergara Lead List of Good Looking Dignitaries at White House Correspondents Dinner

Granted, all politics is boring. My opinion. And anybody who’s ever been a part of the Washington D.C. circle knows that those people are perhaps the only people on this planet more full of themselves and their insular lives than Tinsel Town vapid folk. But when you merge the two together for an evening, you are certain to get at least everybody looking their finest.

And how else are you going to get the likes of Hayden Panettiere, Sofia Vergara, Katy Perry, Morena Baccarin, and Irina Shayk all together to talk politics? You can’t. At least not in a forum where they’ll sit mostly quietly and just look hot. So, kudos to the Washington press corps for this accomplishment. And for letting us peek in. Enjoy.

Katy Perry, Smurfette, and Cancun: It’s Like a Fantasy Come True

I’d be lying if I said I never had a romantic thought about various female cartoon characters. Sure they don’t end up showing much, but neither does Katy Cocktease and I can never peel her away from my dreams either.

Katy was in Cancun for a promotional event for Smurfs 2 (I know, who hasn’t been counting the days until that film arrives), flashing some cleavage, and making Smurfette wonder if she could’ve got her own gig had she been willing to show 90%, but never all, of her female form.

Alas, it probably doesn’t work for blue midgets as well as hottie pop divas, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t smurf it. Enjoy.

Is Katy Perry Using Butt Cheats? Whoa, Cocktease, Not Cool!

You know how torn we I am over Katy Perry. On one hand, I’ve had more than one Teenage Dream about the chesty pop star. On the other hand, her refusal to ever show her bare boobtastic has left us calling her, well, Katy Cocktease, for several years now.

But, now this. While we can’t confirm the use of butt-aides on the part of Katy to give her rump more depth, spotting her in Spandex on her way to work out it sure as heck looks like there might be a foreign object in her dumper area. And we don’t mean a French man. It sure looks like a badonkadonk curve enhancement device. We definitely need a little Ego CSI action on this front, err, back. Enjoy.

Katy Perry Will Not Show You Her Boobs (But in Spandex This Time)

It’s a new twist on the hide the big boobtastic trick from Katy Cocktease. And this time she looks even better than before.

The pop diva and well-endowed hottie took to hills of L.A. over the Easter weekend for a little fast walking in a tight Spandex workout gear. Katy smiled because she knew she looked great. Or, because she knew now we really couldn’t see her mums. Little does she know of our strong fetish for all things Spandex on curvy girls. Or maybe she does know. Argh, with Katy Cocktease I feel like she’s always one step ahead of us. Enjoy.

Jessica Alba, Katy Perry, and Selena Gomez Highlight the Innocent Hotness at the Kid’s Choice Awards

There’s a reason we don’t let tweens vote, or drive, or have money, or, in the modern world, have children of their own. They make some bad decisions. Yes, with adults coming in a close second no doubt in terms of taste. But middle schoolers, wow, they really have some floundering taste. When Nickelodeon lets the kids decide each year to pass out awards to their favorite celebrities, you can count on two things — first, a bunch of kids from the teen TV machines will be dressed shiny and innocent to accept awards, and, second, Katy Perry will be showing some cleavage. (Oh, also, the least fat Kardashian sister will be in attendance, which, actually turned out to be Khloe this year, of all unexpected surprises.)

Still, the hotties do show up, teens and former teen stars alike, including hot mom Jessica Alba, the aforementioned Katy Cocktease, Selena Gomez pretending she isn’t in the very raunchy Spring Breakers out in theaters, Bella Thorne, Debby Ryan, and a bunch more. All looking their cutesy best for the kids. I’m sure somebody got slimed. Oh, boy. Enjoy.