Texas Man Claims He’s Killed Bigfoot

A hunter by the name of Rick Dyer claims that he has killed a Bigfoot and plans to take the corpse on tour. The incident happened in my home state of Texas, ('natch), where Rick had a close encounter with Sasquatch in the wooded areas north of San Antonio. So, naturally he decided to shoot it. In order to entice the beast to enter the kill zone Dyer needed to set the bait. But what does one use as bait to catch Bigfoot? Dyer explains,

"I nailed...pork ribs from the WalMart down the street to the side of the tree, and low [sic] and behold, he came and started eating the pork ribs off the tree."

Well, sure. Bigfoot can't resist ribs from Walmart. Who can? He claims to have run DNA tests and that the Bigfoot is real and not a fake rubber mask on a mannequin. It is also not an old dead hippie that Dyer shot on his way to a concert in Austin. I mean, no one would be so stupid as to kill an old Jerry Garcia-looking burnout and then try and pass it off as a Bigfoot. Right? Right? Hello? Anyway, Dyer is having the body preserved and plans to take it on tour. So, keep an eye out for Dyer and his hippie corpse Bigfoot carcass coming to a gun store near you. I can't wait!