Taylor Swift really is getting better looking. Not that my belusted, albeit perhaps difficult girlfriend not girlfriend was ever not pretty, but something is coming with maturity and work outs and just wanting to show off more that is causing the tall Taylor to reach new heights on my tingle meter. Yes, I have a tingle meter. I got it for Christmas 2011. Still works great though killer on the batteries.
Taylor showed off on the red carpet of the Z100 Radio Jingle Ball turn over the weekend. She performed later on and I’m sure her music was sufficiently moving, but it was her cut-out dress on the carpet that caused me to start foaming slightly, but noticeably, at the mouth. She is a looker. I’m aware of her reputation for writing not so complimentary songs about her exes, but I could easily live with ‘He boinked me 100 times then ditched me because he couldn’t handle the real me’ as the veiled line casting shade on me. Sacrifices must be made. Enjoy.
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Billionaire Barbie knows one of the secrets to success is skipping the undergarments. I don’t care what your mother told you, clean underwear is no way to sell yourself as a dirty girl. Well, a naughty jet-setting heiress at least. Although it is quite possible Paris learned the commando tips from her mom. It’s all in the book she’s writing on how to raise daughters.
Paris was in the South of France accepting an award for being the top DJ in the microcosm of the European disco party scene. So, I think it was her versus the guys from Night at the Roxbury and some guy named Claude. She won and celebrated by showing up to the event without a bra, looking might fine in her red designer gown. I can never fault Billionaire Barbie for not having a good time. She seems to be delighting in her life more than many of her sad sack heiress and rich girl peers. For that, and for showing off her Hilton twin set, I give her credit. Enjoy.
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The hotties were out in full force for Rihanna‘s first annual Diamond Ball. Ms. Rihanna herself was looking glamorous and boobtacular in a pink ball gown. I am a big fan of Rihanna’s chichis whether they are in a tight shirt or on the red carpet, they always satisfy. Speaking of funbags, my favorite pair of ta-tas ever in the history of the world belong to Salma Hayek. Her dress was satisfactorily tight and showed off her incredible curves. Kim Kardashian also showed off her legendary sweater hams in a low cut top and fishnet stockings.
I have to find a way to snag an invite to next year’s ball. Maybe I can slip in with someone’s entourage. I look like someone’s driver, right?
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Alyssa Milano showed up mammaries intact and unpacked and on display big time for the premiere of Into the Woods, the new Disney musical based on the play that is based on the Brothers Grimm fairy tales, most of which because Hollywood hates new material, though, thankfully, Hollywood and Alyssa Milano still love showing off some stellar large funbags.
Alyssa has been making news lately posting breastfeeding pictures on social media to support breastfeeding I suppose, and maybe a tad bit to promote her own self. In either case, I’d say her child is the real winner if dining on those milky white multiple times a day. Alyssa is accentuating her positives to which I say, bravo to the left, and bravo to the right. This is how Disney movies become interesting. Enjoy.
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Tis the season to be jolly and ogling aplenty, including the morass, array, and otherwise abundance of Jingle Balls that occur for radio station sponsored events around the country’s major metro areas the first couple weeks of December. I’m not sure the musical amalgamation will go down in history as one of the more monumental events in the audible sounds category, but you can rest assured the pop diva hotties will be on the red carpet and competing for top sextastic dog credentials.
The L.A. event sponsored by KIIS FM brought out the likes of Taylor Swift, Rita Ora, Charli XCX, Iggy Azalea, and teen Latina sensation Becky G in her school girl outfit pretending this was innocuous. All the ladies looked smoking hot and had they proceeded into some kind of burlesque bit rather than auto-tuned pop songs, the night may have been perfect, or at least closer to my dreams of a hot tub in the green room where the girls let me loofah them in between acts. You can’t lip-synch if your lips aren’t rehearsed. I have precisely the right exercises for that. Oh, Taylor, Iggy, Charli and no comment on Becky for a few more months. You made my evening. Enjoy.
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Ultimate Woman of the Year Awards? Yes, that’s precisely where I’d expect to find Kelly Brook and her dramatically impacting derriere of so many late night and very early morning dreams. Have thumper will travel for Kelly who is a must invite to any hottie girl with curves event. I’m not exactly sure who Cosmo magazine picked as their winners, but I’m pretty sure I could do a good job myself with my eyes closed. Just hands. Ultimate woman right here I’d announce with a grin on my face beneath my blindfold.
Kelly Brook is the answer to the prayer, Dear Sir, please give me a bodaciously curvaceous woman with a thumper I could explore for years and never twice land on the same spot. I should know, it’s one of my daily requests right after peace on earth, though not necessarily in that order. Kelly Brook, you are woman and I can hear you roar. Enjoy.
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I know, it’s hard to imagine anyone hold an important fashion event without me being in attendance to comment on the haute couture. I am after all ranked number 17 in the world by Uppity Fashion Critics magazine’s Top 100 Snooty Fashionistas. Something I’m both proud of and tremendously ashamed at the very same time. But the British Fashion Awards took place without me, but by way of far greater gets, they did have a gaggle of sextastic celebrities decked out in their finest in my stead.
Kendall Jenner looked quite desirable, as did young model Suki Waterhouse in a see-through top, Rihanna braless, and Rita Ora looking cleavetastic as usual, but never taken for granted. That right there was several eyefuls of hot lady boobtastic strutting the red carpet and making clothes be somewhat relevant on a woman for at least one London evening. Next year, I’ll expect a front row invitation, BFA’s. And, please, don’t hector me if you happen to notice I’m on my back on the runway with my camera facing up. It’s how I relax my tense back. Enjoy.
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