Red Carpet Posts:

Jessica Alba Hotness, Eva Green Sideboob, Rosario Dawson Cleavage Highlight the Sin City 2 Premiere

Anything Alba. You know my motto. It doesn't hurt when Jessica Alba brings along many of her hot friends like Eva Green, Rosario Dawson, and Nicky Whelan to walk the red carpet of the Sin City 2 premiere in Los Angeles.

This film is already a no-brainer on my must-see list, being both a fan of the first film in the series and, yes, the hot ladies. All of them looked so very good last night, especially Jessica Alba who forever puts sin in my jeans. That's a figure of speech, Though the day it becomes literally, I will report back with photos and diagrams and third-party authentication. Jessica moves me just about like no other. Her seamless transition from hot mommy to wicked hot glamorous star to the shower, where she forever resides in my dreams. Enjoy.

Emily Osment Shows Off Her Bodacious Boobtastic for Crackle

Crackle is the new Sony online content channel, which is such important news as the fact they made a series featuring the vastly underrated and bodaciously chested Emily Osment, who modestly, but most certainly, brought her happy big fellas out to play on the red carpet for her show premiere.

Emily became famous as Miley's sidekick on Hannah Montana, and then on to a bunch more TV gigs and cable movies and Lifetime stuff and other junk you'd have little occasion to see. At just twenty-two, with that resume, those looks, and one fine curvy body, the future is rather bright for Emily Osment. I mean, even brighter than me standing behind the press line at the red carpet begging her to flash us her funbags. That is a highlight for sure, though I'm not sure Emily would necessarily agree. I do bet they are fantastic! Enjoy.

Kimberley Garner Sideboobs Are Sexpendables at London Premiere

See how I combined Sextastic with Expendables and made up a whole new SEO search term? That's why I earn my minimum wage dollars instead of loafing around like, well, like I do most of the time. Kimberley Garner inspires such genius creativity on my part, with her absolutely stunningly perfect petite framed body and whoever is brilliantly advising her on her choice of public wardrobe.

Kimberley specializes in sideboob for evening affairs, as she was showing off at the U.K. premiere of The Expendables Part Eleventeen, where the guys break into a drugstore late night for Bengay and hearing aids. I'm sure it's genius. Though not nearly as naturally magnificent as Kimberley Garner's blessed funbags. Enjoy.

Bella Thorne In Leather Booty Shorts, Megan Fox Hotness, Ginny Gardner Blonde Sextastic Highlight the TMNT Premiere in Los Angeles

It's finally here. Not sure you've been waiting for it, but Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles opens Friday among what is now a completely died down controversy over everything. All that is left to do is bring out the hotties for the Hollywood Premiere, as they did last night including movie starlet Megan Fox looking rather MILFtastic fine, Bella Thorne who were leather shorts quite certain to be noticed, newcomer Ginny Gardner who is nineteen and ready to explode in Tinsel Town, and Jordana Brewster who could be my fake prom date to the prom set up in my basement any day. I would be a lucky man.

I'll say this for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It may only be the 1287th best idea for a comic book turned movie, but those turtles do manage to get the hot girls to come out for the evening. Just like your idiotic classmate in college who had the same inexplicable powers, you called him friend. Enjoy.

Selena Gomez Bares Midriff for Behaving Badly Screening

Selena Gomez has been all over the places these days. All around the world exploring new places and people and other kinds of experimentation perhaps of the Sapphic variety. But she made her way back to Los Angeles to pimp her new movie, Behaving Badly, which while it does contain nudity, sadly, won't be Selena Gomez baring any of her wares.

Selena is looking extra fine these days after some rest and relaxation and scissor kissing and the like, flashing her lickable midsection on the red carpet for the special screening. Her chest does seem to be noticeably larger, whether that be the mechanics of fashion or some other more involved means, I do not know for sure. But, suffice it to say, I would adore Selena from A cup to DD cup and everywhere in betwixt. I'm flexible like that. Enjoy.

Megan Fox Hella Hot Down Mexico Way for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Premiere

Megan Fox could sell me anything. Even on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. While I have a feeling it's going to insult my childhood something fierce, how I can I really skip any movie with the delicious brunette sextastic Megan Fox running around in tight sweaters. I'd watching her cleaning stables dressed like that.

Megan Fox was the star of the red carpet for the TMNT premiere in Mexico City, where she showed off her svelt figure and perfectly toned legs and make everybody stop carrying about the turtles origin stories and similar fan boy divisions. It was just about imagining April O'Neil diligently reporting on the feelings of passions running up and down your nervous system. The tingles have spoken. I will see you opening day, Megan. Sucker am I. Enjoy.

Megan Fox Super Foxy at Some Fake Nickelodeon Awards

I have no idea if we're supposed to believe there's such a thing as the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Sports Awards. I can't even fathom what that would entail. But most importantly, Megan Fox believed they were real and showed up looking all kinds of sextastic, if not a bit demure, for the red carpet of the show.

We don't get to see Megan Fox much these days, certainly outside of her mommy sweats and such, so this trumped up awards show was a blessing without a disguise. We've really missed Megan and her legs and all over brunette allure. Hopefully she'll come back to us in more made up events, like the pretend film I'm shooting called Megan Fox Gets Hella Nekkid. You don't need to know the story, you've already bought your tickets. Enjoy.