As you know, I take my life into my own hands each month when I go to retrieve my set of women’s magazines from the front stoop of my pied-à-terre. Oh, how the middle school skateboarders love to taunt me with their early teen gestures of disapproval. Well, I fear not, for I walk with the gentleman oglers for whom these scented periodicals filled with fashion and beauty tips also contain some rather alluring photos of our favorite sextastic celebrities. Plus, sticks and stone may break my bones but names will only make me cry into my security blanket when nobody is watching.
This month’s Marie Claire has quite the visual treat of blonde veteran hottie Cameron Diaz showing off her sweet toned legs. Cameron entered the celebrity world as a promising young model, and she’ll go out with quite the resume of passion inducing photos over the past twenty years. And I suppose a few, though not a ton, of decently reviewed movies. Cameron, I will flip through many pages of eau de toilette to see your slender hotness. Pardon my sneezing as I am allergic to lilac. Enjoy.
What’s done is done. Mila Kunis is well into her pregnancy by way of Ashton Kutcher. We can lament all the horrors and travesties in this world, or we can focus on the positive. Often times, that’s just rock solid epic memories of good times, which Mila provides in this Marie Claire spread presumably shot before she started gestating out.
Mila Kunis routinely appears on Top 10 hottie lists around the globe. She also ranks really high with the ladies judging other ladies on the sextastic. It’s some kind of universal lust inducement that has made Mila the afternoon delight of so many ogling gentlemen for going on a decade now. While Mila seems determined to throw away her pure visual pleasure giving persona, never underestimate the power of the sextastic to rise above bad choices. Enjoy.
Oh, sure, make fun of me for collecting women’s magazines, but every dangerous step I take onto the portico of my Pied-à-terre each month is a step I take for you. The slings and arrows of the middle school skateboard crew who mock my choices of periodicals have no idea of the riches contained within the likes of Marie Claire, the Italian edition, wherein wicked hot Barbara Palvin is without clothes and barely covered and quite wet and all-around uber-sextastic for the eyes of the more ardent gentleman ogler. How could I not do this for you>
Barbara Palvin remains the hottest woman I know named Barbara. Seeing her lucky hands violating our right to her even sweeter peeks makes me both angry and at the same time thrilled by a tease from this object d’ lust. Mostly I guess I’m just jealous of her digits. Oh, how nice that must feel. Like crushed velvet on heaven. Enjoy.
Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bündchen is ridiculously sexy in a shoot for Marie Claire Brazil’s April issue. In the cover photo, Gisele is wearing panties, stockings, and a black jacket. You know, like you do. In the spread she sports a bra and a see through shirt. She makes Marie Claire magazine interesting for the first time since they printed that awesome brownie recipe in the spring of ’92. Her black lingerie is even better than that brownie. My dad warned me when I was a young man that you need to be careful with women who wear black underwear. They are wonderfully slutty sexy but can turn on you and set your couch on fire if you aren’t careful. That little tidbit of advice always stuck with me. It makes me wonder if Gisele proves that he was right. At least about the sexy sex part.
What is going on in Brazil that it produces women as hot as Gisele? Is it the water? The air? The waxes? I don’t know but I have to visit while I still have feeling below the waist. The issue hits newsstands in Brazil this week. Luckily, we did the work for you. You’re welcome.
Hey, they don’t just hand out those supermodel monikers to just anybody. At one time, not so long ago, Claudia Schiffer was the hottest model property in the world, among the elites of the elites for runway and magazine work. The German hottie was hanging with the lifestyles of the rich and the famous, though she gave most all of it up for family and private time a few years back.
But that’s not to say Claudia has lost any of her innate talent. You don’t just hand that part back when you semi-retire from your sextastic work. Featured in the new edition of Marie Claire magazine, Claudia shows that she very much still has the skills ready and able to climb right back into the limelight and our lust-lights if she so desired. I’m not sure that she will, but that doesn’t mean I won’t dream that it’s happening. I do really have a thing for this hot German mommy. Enjoy.
I shall never grow tired of pleading with Katy Cocktease to show us her boobs. I feel like the Night’s Watch in that regard. It’s not a passing duty, it’s a forever duty, until such time as the pop diva who’s done so well for herself with cleavage and tease reveals her true bodily artistry.
Featured in the new edition of Marie Claire magazine, Katy once again shows off her stellar good looks and some gams that hint at fun time girl potential. But, alas, and maybe alack, no ta-ta’s included. Katy, you are so very hot, and I’m even willing to believe each new magazine article about how damn happy you are for some new reason, but, honestly, sincerely, and from the bottom of my heart, I beseech you, show us your funbags! Enjoy.
You know I run the gauntlet of shame, humiliation, and an inordinate level of California State sales tax to acquire the women’s magazines for the local Egotastic! community. I don’t expect any awards or accolades for my semi-heroic efforts, but if maybe 2o of you could get together and each chip in five bucks toward a Starbucks card I can soon have enough of them to pay for one drink at that establishment.
But how else to see the sultry minxy Vanessa Hudgens in the upcoming edition of Marie Claire magazine looking so incredibly hot. Vanessa has transitioned ever so smoothly from Disney teen star to naughty grown woman over the past few years, we hardly even noticed (I mean, other than the 1,000 times we have noticed). Now, looking all mature and sextastic like, Vanessa is making a bid for some adult level rankings of hotness, still petite, but toned and feminine all over. If we could just get Vanessa into some of the men’s magazines, then we’d really have a thing. Enjoy.