FHM magazine

Andrea Torres Wicked Hot Filipina Bikini Dreams in FHM

Mmm, a silent and vocal mmm both for Filipina hottie Andrea Torres, the model and actress who lights up FHM Phillippines this month with some bikini top shots and swimsuit poses that are downright upright if you happen to be in mad lust with sextastic minxy island girls. And I’m guessing you are.

One of my annual goals, New Year’s resolutions if you will, is to expand the global sweet lady finding radar of Egotastic! to find even more ridiculously fine women in nations not always on the common celebrity smoking hot list. I think I’ve done okay, but in 2015 I intend to do even better. As my sixth grade teacher Mr. Ropesburger pointed out to me, son, you’re getting C’s when I know if you apply yourself you could be a B-minus student. There is always room for improvement. If that means flying to Manila and launching a scout team to find every famous hot pinay within a radius of 500 miles, off I go. This is my quest. Obviously, it’ll have to be on a non-football weekend, but other than that, my bags are packed. Andrea Torres, you have inspired me thusly. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: FHM Magazine

Helen Flanagan Topless Almost Boobtastic Show Continues to Be An Alluring Meme

You might call Helen Flanagan the Katy Cocktease of England. Albeit, she’s quite a bit more obvious in her implementation of the almost all of my amazing ta-ta’s on display strategy. She does have some absolutely luscious funbags. And they are absolutely almost entirely on display in so many wonderful pictorials. Like this bit of uplifting visual wonderment in the current FHM magazine, the British lads magazine. Helen has managed to select a half dozen or more outfits that highlight her massive headlights without fulling showing off her world’s eighth wonders. There’s almost some praise to be given for such staging, you know, if it were the devil’s work.

Helen Flanagan has some of the finest set of mammaries attached to a crazy sextastic woman walking the face of this planet. Somebody in Parliament needs to draft a bill that gets over to Maggie Thatcher or whoever’s in charge and compel Helen to spend at least every other Tuesday topless in a public location. I can guarantee you it will help tourism, in the least. Enjoy.

Amy Willerton Bikini Sextastic and Shiny for FHM

Amy Willerton Bikini Photoshoot for FHM August 2014
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They don’t just hand out those Miss Universe Great Britain titles you know. You have to be pretty damn smoking hot. Amy Willerton certainly met that complicated standard when she represented her nation at the Miss Universe pageant. Now, she’s representing enticing female forms in her bikini on the pages of FHM magazine. The photos might be a bit glossified, but they are quite reflective of Amy’s inherent good looks and that killer body we’ve seen working out around London before.

Someday, I’d like to be able to utter the phrase, ‘Oh, yeah, my girlfriend was in the Miss Universe pageant, thank you for asking’. I mean, utter it and it not be a total fabrication. Any country will do really. I’m so open to international romance. It makes it much easier to use my various fake names. Like Rogers Hammercock as I do when traveling in the Southeast of Asia. Though Amy Willerton would also do quite nicely. Just look at her bikini body. I’d never forget an anniversary, darling, not the first two at least. Call me on your silly English phone. I’ll be waiting. Enjoy.

Rachel Stevens Elected Sexiest Woman of All Time By FHM (She Does Look Super Fine In Her Skimpy Lingerie)

Just like Major Tom, I don’t understand all this science. But somehow, FHM magazine went back through all their years of Hottest Woman of the Year voting since their inception and built some complex formulas on their Commodore computers and it spit out the name Rachel Stevens as the hottest girl every according to FHM readers. It’s kind of surprising really as the former British bubble gum pop singer never actually won any of the single year’s votes during the last two decades. Not that she’s not hot and I wouldn’t go through astronaut training just to get a chance to peck her on the cheek before my 27 year solo manned mission to Saturn, it’s just that I don’t understand science.

But I do understand the sextastic. And Rachel Stevens, now into her mid-30′s, is looking finer than ever in this pictorial where she’s barely covered with her hands or little bits of lingerie. The now mum of a brood never was much of a musical talent, but like so many American pop stars, she figured out how to look hot on stage with a wireless microphone and tight outfits while working some choreographed dance moves. That’s enough for me. You know of my distaste for superlatives. There is no one hottest woman of all time. But, if I happened to run into Rachel Stevens posing in her lingerie, I’d tell her they made the right decision. Enjoy.

Tailor James Topless and Still Crazy Hot in FHM

Tailor James Topless in FHM France May 2014
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For those of you not completely obsessed with crazy hot women, Tailor James was a Playboy Playmate from about a decade ago in her early 20′s (I’m sure we’ll be seeing more of her shortly). Featured in the new edition of FHM France, Tailor looks like she hasn’t lost a single step or any bit of her sextastic allure and wicked hot body, posing topless on the beach and looking all kinds of imaginary girlfriend material.

There’s been a lot of discussion of late from the most desirable women among us about the curse of being super good looking, with a number of hot celebrities coming out and talking of the unseen burden. I can’t get in their heads and tell you if what they feel is real or not. It might just be a curse, for them. For the rest of us, it makes our blue planet spin around happily on its axis, the pleasure in our pleasure cruise through life. I guess there’s a yang to every yin. Tailor James, bless for you giving so much of your yang. Enjoy.

See More FHM France Topless Goodness »

When Irish Boobs Are Smiling: Georgia Salpa Wicked Hot and Barely Clad in FHM


Georgia Salpa has a body on her that I’d like to find in either my boudoir, my bathtub, or the backseat of my car with a lascivious smile and a finger motioning for me to join her in the back. We’d have to get very close given the size of my foreign import made predominantly out of toothpicks and peas, but cramped would be fine with the bodacious bosom and supremely curvaceous form of this Greek-Irish lass.

Featured in the latest edition of FHM South Africa, Georgia Salpa shows why precisely ten million boys will become young men thinking about her as they flip through the pages of her various photo wonderments. Swimsuits, half shirts, barely there bottoms, and those amazing funbags hardly contained. She has some super powers beyond the mere understanding of mortal men. Especially mortal fapping men. Enjoy.

Esmeralda Alvarez Covered Topless and Beachy Hot for FHM

Well hello there, hot beach girl. I do so love the Latin ladies at the shore, almost to the precise same extent as they ignore me back. But I shall never quit, not so long as the look the sultry look Esmeralda Alvarez looking so wicked model hot in FHM Spain.

Esmeralda has the look of sultry come hither along the sandy shores, as if sun and surf weren’t enough to drive you toward the shoreline. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen her in my dreams several times an evening since puberty, though this would be our first very official meeting. Welcome to Egotastic!, Esmeralda. Hang your clothes up to dry and linger awhile why don’t you. Enjoy.