Cosmopolitan Magazine

Emily Ratajkowski Hotness Hits the Big Time in Cosmo

Somebody’s star is certainly rising. And deservedly so. Emily Ratajkowski now makes the cover of Cosmo magazine, which is pretty huge if you’re a model with huge sextastic talents. I’d like to think we played some role in making Emily into a household, if not bathroom private time, name, though I suspect 99% of the credit must go to her superior genetics. If you managed to catch Emily in her extensive ‘hacked’ work, you noted she is pretty much perfect all over. Um, yes, did I mention all over?

Emily is one of those women who just stuns you from the moment you first lay peeps upon her, and then it just never ever stops. It’s like that sensation when you taste your favorite food after a long absence and you’re entire body just becomes happy. Only this is one wicked hot bodied crazy good looking woman, so it’s even better than your favorite burger ever. There’s meat and then there’s flesh. Never the former shall triumph. Congratulations, Emily. I knew this was possible from the moment I first drooled looking at you. Enjoy.

 

Katy Perry Leggy Long and Lovely in Cosmo, The Full Set

We saw a few of these Katy Cocktease leggy divine shots from Cosmo last month, but you really must feast your peeps upon the full set to fulfill your Katy needs for the week. While we often rightfully chide Katy for her cockteasy ways, there’s no denying she continues to be one of the top ranked celebrities men most want to see laying next to them the next morning. And, those sweet succulent funbags yet to be exposed, somebody badly wants to write home about those.

Katy does help to prove that you don’t have to take your clothes off to make ten million man badly want you. Although, I hate that that proof even exists. Katy, it’s well past time. Show us your ta-ta’s and free us from this limbo of wanton impatience. Pretty please with a nipple on top. Enjoy.

Katy Perry Double Dip of Cockteasery in Cosmo To Kick Off the Week Right

I remember back in second grade a group of us boys were chasing around this girl playing tag and generally making her playground life miserable. We were all stopped by the school principal and his obligatory mustache who gave us a whooping and tried to cheer up the poor girl by informing her that the reason we were chasing her around was because the boys thought she was pretty. That’s when it struck me that Dr. Dingleberry, as we called, not his given Christianname, was actually right. Boys always picked on the girls they liked. I mean, it started with schoolyard pestering and obnoxious chasing and then several years later back of the car pestering and obnoxious chasing. That part never changed.

My point — for all my ribbing of Katy Cocktease, I only do it because I really really like her. She’s pretty. I want to ever so badly play tag on the schoolyard with her. Featured here in a couple more shots from her new Cosmo magazine spread, Katy is clearly one of those girls where somebody might ask you what you thought of her new green hair and you’d probably just say something innocuous because you never really looked at her hair. Katy, please, for the love of funbags, fully unleash your blessings. In the meantime, just continue being super hot. It’s not enough, but it’s definitely a thing. Welcome to the new week. Enjoy.

Hayden Panettiere Stellar Hot in Cosmo

I’m happy but sad checking out these photos of the wickedly alluring blonde minx hottie Hayden Panettiere. Yes, she manages to look like some amazingly tall model once again, despite being diminutive in statute, she’s not the least bit short on compelling naughty thoughts in men. However, I can’t help but note Hayden was shooting just blocks from my location, and didn’t apparently have the time to drop in and say hello or even just for a short nekkid sauna and hot rock rub down. I certainly would’ve done it for her.

I’ll probably get over this snubbing after about four more peeks of these photos from Cosmo UK. Hayden has been all over the place lately, in various forms of hotness. I think this is a sign that spring is near. Or maybe that we should just starting mating more frequently. Hayden always gives me that feeling. Enjoy.

Naya Rivera Has Sultry Sextastic Legs That Just Might Go on Forever

I’m not exactly sure just how long legs are legally allowed to be, but Naya Rivera may be pushing the criminal boundaries with her epic long and lovely stems in this Cosmo Para Latinas magazine pictorial. Now, it might be Para Latinas, but I will tell you if you happen to love the allure of this former risque dancer turned Glee superstar, then it’s more than para ti as well.

As an unabashed leg man, I find nothing finer than long toned gams ending in the pointed heels of a woman who surely has designed to make me her love slave, bound to do her bidding just for the chance to wax her long appendages each Tuesday. Naya, I’m so ready. I’ve already got the wax up to temperature. Let’s smooth you out ever so slightly painfully. Enjoy.

Ashley Benson Wears Just a Bow for Cosmo

I believe my affections for Ashley Benson are as real and profound as the next guy who stares at her with his tongue hanging out of his mouth and imagines bathing her as a cat does her kittens.

Featured in the current edition of Cosmo magazine, Ashley Benson passes the threshold test of forcing me to check out a women’s magazine (as if I really need to be forced) to peruse the pages of scented aromas and stocking ads (oh, scented stocking ads) to eye spy the hotness likes of Ashley in her little bow. Just ever so darling. I hope she wears something similar on our first date to my log cabin twenty-six miles deep into the woods with no name on that island that never got mapped. Now, that’s creepy, even for me. Enjoy.

Ariana Grande Wicked Cute in Cosmopolitan

Ariana Grande is so on the cusp of greatness and she may not even know it. Featured in the brand spanking new edition of Cosmo, Ariana Grande is still clinging to her cute girl past while at the same time we’ve been seeing her flashing more and more skin and grown up looks at swanky events and in photoshoots. She seems so ready to break out into full on hottie mode.

Ariana most definitely has all the tools required. She just needs to give the go-sign. Then the world will start spinning just a little bit faster and men’s pulses around the world will collectively rise as Ariana unveils herself in full Siren mode. I feel like 2014 is going to be that year. I’m pretty good with predictions too, about 58% accurate and that includes being almost entirely wrong on every sports bet ever. Let us pray. Enjoy.