Cannes Film Festival

Barbara Palvin White Hot Body Hugging Dress on Cannes Red Carpet

Barbara Palvin continues to be the hottest woman I know named Barbara, strengthening her run at such a title with a tight white body hugging dress on the red carpet at Cannes for the premiere of The Search. Personally, my search is over, I’m ready to declare Barbara as my Memorial Day Weekend BBQ perma-date. We won’t eat so many hamburgers as we will consume the flesh of each other in a virtually sweaty manner, but that’s still a party in my book.

For all we rightfully make fun of the Cannes Film Festival, there’s no denying that it brings out an absolutely barrel full of the world’s hottest women, actresses, models, singers, celebrities, and just plain old fashioned hot young trophy wives. It’s quite a thing each May. Maybe, never year, I’ll be walking with Barbara down the carpet. I’ll be the guy everybody is pointing to and asking, who the heck is that idiot trying to pretend he’s with Barbara Palvin? Mission accomplished. Enjoy

Blake Lively, Eva Longoria, Adriana Lima, Jennifer Lawrence, Salma Hayek Highlight the Hotness on the Cannes Red Carpet

Sure, Cannes has more attitude than a sorority senior council meeting, but that doesn’t mean the fancy film festival doesn’t bring out the super hotties from all corners of the globe to get decked out and walk the wide crimson carpet.  It seems as if every A-listed (on down to D-lister) is in Cannes this week wearing somebody famous and bedecked in jewels for the ten thousand paparazzi cameras. And, naturally, some of them caught our eye more than others over the weekend, including Blake Lively, Eva Longoria Jennifer Lawrence, Adriana Lima, Hilary Swank and others showing off their barest finest gala ware for the oohs and aahs of the assembled crowd and the worldwide leering audience.

My memories of Cannes are less glitzy gowns and more rocky public beaches and funny looking police hats shooing me here and there. But one day I would like to be the escort of one of these sextastic celebrities smiling broadly on the carpet as I whisper naughty suggestions into their ears. I assume that’s what everybody is telling each other in their ears as they make their way down the promenade. All I need now is the girl, and the super important movie that nobody will ever see. One of those will be easier than the other. Enjoy.

Blake Lively Owns the Red Carpet For Mr. Turner in Cannes

I’ve really missed Blake Lively. She’s gone into semi-hiding the past couple of years, her and her long legs and hot body and alluring looks and poses. But when the gong sounds and it’s time for decked out A-lister on the red carpet, you can bet Blake will be there schooling the lesser girls in the art of winning every photographer’s attention.

So it was at the Cannes premiere for Mr. Turner, where Blake wore something expensive and important, I’m sure, but more importantly reminded me why I had her name henna tattooed onto a body part that is technically illegal to do in the Lower 48. Blake, someday, I’d love to have you as my dolled up arm candy to one of the important events I attend. Like the retro-arcade opening I’m going to next week, or waiting in line at the Donut shop for the first morning batch. I like to take my ladies around town to show them off. Call me, I’ll make you feel like a woman. Enjoy.

Blake Lively, Kendall Jenner, and Adele Exarchopoulos Highlight the Hotness at the ‘Grace Of Monaco’ Cannes Premiere

I can’t say Cannes is exactly where’d you expect to see Kendall Jenner, but what the heck. Tall, pretty, 18-year old girls are pretty much welcome anywhere they want to go. Blake Lively was also in attendance at the Grace of Monaco premiere at Cannes and she can light up a red carpet with hotness like nobody’s business. Joining the twosome in the sextastic was cleavy Adele Exarchopoulos from only one of the best erotic lesbionic films of last year that broke big at Cannes.

Quite an assembly at the snooty French film festival that does delight our visual senses annually with many of the world’s hottest women getting decked out to walk its massive red carpets. It’s a square deal for us gentleman oglers, especially since we’re never forced to go see these films lauded at Cannes as must-sees. No sir, bring me Godzilla! Enjoy.

Paz Vega, Stacy Keibler, Alessandra Ambrosio Highlight the Hotties at the Cannes amfAR Gala

You know I love me a good celebrity gala. I mean, theoretically speaking. I never really get invited so much, so I’m a bit more like Cinderella watching the highfalutin proceedings from afar, wishing my fairy godmother would arrive with a carriage. I mean, I’m that, but more manly, obviously. Still, how I do wish I could attend one of these high end amfAR shindigs around the globe that bring out all the model hotties in their finest and often most revealing gowns. And bling too, if you’re into that, though my preference lies in what dangles beneath the dangling diamonds.

The amfAR gala in Cannes last night brought out some serious good looking women in the form of Paz Vega, Alessandra Ambrosio, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Stacy Keibler, and more. It’s an event at which I really think I could’ve cleaned up. As in, cleaning up the actual event with a broom was probably my only chance to attend. Still, there’s nothing like a dream to keep the redheaded stepchild smiling well into the night. Enjoy.

Irina Shayk Deep Delicious Cleavage in Cannes

Irina Shayk made her arrival at Cannes quite memorable. I’m assuming she’s not in a movie being shown, but she is super hot and a world class model, which also buys you the right at Cannes to show off your stuff on the red carpet. And that she did. Her two wonderful stuffs in a deeply plunging straight to my heart dress that flashed much of her softer finer points.

It’s hard not to want to take Irina Shayk back to your Monte Carlo hotel suite or your yacht stationed off the coast and ravish her up and down and just a tad bit sideways. Of course, to do that, you will likely need a Monte Carlo hotel suite or a yacht. Working on it. Enjoy.

Zhang Yuqi Cleavetastic at Cannes for Global Boobtastic Awareness

The Cannes Film Festival is about many things. Okay, well, mostly lots of highfalutin movies you and I will never care to see even on a really slow entertainment day. But also hot women showing off their finest.

And not just Western actresses and models either. The ladies of the Far East and Asian film industry come out to Cannes, including Zhang Yuqi, a Hong Kong based actress who lit up the red carpet for The Great Gatsby with an epically oriental view of her Eastern guns. Quite a sight indeed.

And a faptastic reminder that hotness resides in every single corner of this globe, you just have to go looking for it. Or wait til it finds you. Or do a combination of both. Or just come here everyday, that would be the easiest. Enjoy.