Cannes Film Festival Posts:

Barbara Palvin White Hot Body Hugging Dress on Cannes Red Carpet

Barbara Palvin continues to be the hottest woman I know named Barbara, strengthening her run at such a title with a tight white body hugging dress on the red carpet at Cannes for the premiere of The Search. Personally, my search is over, I'm ready to declare Barbara as my Memorial Day Weekend BBQ perma-date. We won't eat so many hamburgers as we will consume the flesh of each other in a virtually sweaty manner, but that's still a party in my book.

For all we rightfully make fun of the Cannes Film Festival, there's no denying that it brings out an absolutely barrel full of the world's hottest women, actresses, models, singers, celebrities, and just plain old fashioned hot young trophy wives. It's quite a thing each May. Maybe, never year, I'll be walking with Barbara down the carpet. I'll be the guy everybody is pointing to and asking, who the heck is that idiot trying to pretend he's with Barbara Palvin? Mission accomplished. Enjoy

Blake Lively, Eva Longoria, Adriana Lima, Jennifer Lawrence, Salma Hayek Highlight the Hotness on the Cannes Red Carpet

Sure, Cannes has more attitude than a sorority senior council meeting, but that doesn't mean the fancy film festival doesn't bring out the super hotties from all corners of the globe to get decked out and walk the wide crimson carpet.  It seems as if every A-listed (on down to D-lister) is in Cannes this week wearing somebody famous and bedecked in jewels for the ten thousand paparazzi cameras. And, naturally, some of them caught our eye more than others over the weekend, including Blake Lively, Eva Longoria Jennifer Lawrence, Adriana Lima, Hilary Swank and others showing off their barest finest gala ware for the oohs and aahs of the assembled crowd and the worldwide leering audience.

My memories of Cannes are less glitzy gowns and more rocky public beaches and funny looking police hats shooing me here and there. But one day I would like to be the escort of one of these sextastic celebrities smiling broadly on the carpet as I whisper naughty suggestions into their ears. I assume that's what everybody is telling each other in their ears as they make their way down the promenade. All I need now is the girl, and the super important movie that nobody will ever see. One of those will be easier than the other. Enjoy.

Paz Vega, Stacy Keibler, Alessandra Ambrosio Highlight the Hotties at the Cannes amfAR Gala

You know I love me a good celebrity gala. I mean, theoretically speaking. I never really get invited so much, so I'm a bit more like Cinderella watching the highfalutin proceedings from afar, wishing my fairy godmother would arrive with a carriage. I mean, I'm that, but more manly, obviously. Still, how I do wish I could attend one of these high end amfAR shindigs around the globe that bring out all the model hotties in their finest and often most revealing gowns. And bling too, if you're into that, though my preference lies in what dangles beneath the dangling diamonds.

The amfAR gala in Cannes last night brought out some serious good looking women in the form of Paz Vega, Alessandra Ambrosio, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Stacy Keibler, and more. It's an event at which I really think I could've cleaned up. As in, cleaning up the actual event with a broom was probably my only chance to attend. Still, there's nothing like a dream to keep the redheaded stepchild smiling well into the night. Enjoy.

Zhang Yuqi Cleavetastic at Cannes for Global Boobtastic Awareness

The Cannes Film Festival is about many things. Okay, well, mostly lots of highfalutin movies you and I will never care to see even on a really slow entertainment day. But also hot women showing off their finest.

And not just Western actresses and models either. The ladies of the Far East and Asian film industry come out to Cannes, including Zhang Yuqi, a Hong Kong based actress who lit up the red carpet for The Great Gatsby with an epically oriental view of her Eastern guns. Quite a sight indeed.

And a faptastic reminder that hotness resides in every single corner of this globe, you just have to go looking for it. Or wait til it finds you. Or do a combination of both. Or just come here everyday, that would be the easiest. Enjoy.

Doutzen Kroes and Jennifer Lawrence Heat Up Cannes

The Cannes Film Festival provides a wonderful opportunity each May for serious cinematic artists to gather in the South of France and view a series of films that you'd chew off your right arm to not have to sit through. Or, more to the point, it's a big Benicio Del Toro fan fest. But, while the important folk discuss matters of little importance to the rest of the world, Cannes does indeed bring out the super hotties. Actresses and supporting models alike, including Doutzen Kroes and Jennifer Lawrence who both brought their A-plus game to the premiere of Jimmy P..

While Eva Longoria and her lady nest flash clearly stole the show momentarily at this very same event, Doutzen and Jennifer formed two sextastic pieces of bread for which I have crudely simple meat solution. Oh, yes indeed. And, shut up, you're thinking the same thing. Hey, we can't all be high minded and important. Leave that to the Frenchy folks in Cannes. Enjoy.

Eva Longoria Wardrobe Malfunction Flashes the Bare Lady Nest (and Maybe a Lady’s Little Helper) in Cannes

 

To be fair, my feeble elderly eyes can't say for sure that Eva Longoria is completely bare down there, and by that, I mean bereft of panties. There may be some translucent undergarment type thing. Either way, I think it's fair to say Eva is most definitely bare down there in the Brazilian waxing sense of the word. Additionally, the photos may indicate that Eva is experiencing that time of the month and utilizing methods that Carrie did not know available when she was in the shower. But, again, hard to say for sure. I'll leave that to the CSI Egotastic! volunteer army out there.

So goes Cannes. Where the rain could not step the A-list celebrities from wearing designer gowns up the red carpeted step to their various photo lines and movie premieres. Eva Longoria and her slit dress were there for the showing of Jimmy P. (Psychotherapy Of A Plains Indian) which I would go and look up what it is, and will, as soon as I stop looking at Eva's cooch. So maybe like another two hours.

Eva Longoria wardrobe malfunctions are happening more and more these days. I can only assume Eva is trying to tell us something. Or, maybe prayers just really are answered. I'll accept either, while I continue to stare. Enjoy.

Emma Watson Dolls Up Something Booty Sweet for ‘Bling Ring’ at Cannes

Emma Watson really has become a show stealer at big events. Forget the cute Hermione, this is all grown up Emma Watson, a young woman booty flashing, red carpet winning, and promoting the shizz out of her all grown up movie, Bling Ring, at the Cannes Film Festival. And, yes, that is Emma Watson booty.

As you know, I'm boycotting the Cannes Film Festival until the City of Cannes retracts their obscenely uncalled for charges against my obscene public behavior. Or, until I get an invite to the Festival, whichever comes first. But one thing I shall never protest is the lust of all things Emma Watson, who continues to grow into a fully blossomed, sextastic leading lady. Enjoy.