Cannes Film Festival Posts:

Doutzen Kroes and Jennifer Lawrence Heat Up Cannes

By Bill Swift | May 20, 2013 @ 10:38 am

Doutzen Kroes Booty at 'Jimmy P' Cannes Premiere

Jennifer Lawrence Looks Hot at 'Jimmy P' Cannes Premiere

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The Cannes Film Festival provides a wonderful opportunity each May for serious cinematic artists to gather in the South of France and view a series of films that you'd chew off your right arm to not have to sit through. Or, more to the point, it's a big Benicio Del Toro fan fest. But, while the important folk discuss matters of little importance to the rest of the world, Cannes does indeed bring out the super hotties. Actresses and supporting models alike, including Doutzen Kroes and Jennifer Lawrence who both brought their A-plus game to the premiere of Jimmy P..

While Eva Longoria and her lady nest flash clearly stole the show momentarily at this very same event, Doutzen and Jennifer formed two sextastic pieces of bread for which I have crudely simple meat solution. Oh, yes indeed. And, shut up, you're thinking the same thing. Hey, we can't all be high minded and important. Leave that to the Frenchy folks in Cannes. Enjoy.

JENNIFER LAWRENCE KNOWS HOW TO WORK A RED CARPET

Jennifer Lawrence Screening of The Hunger Games

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Eva Longoria Wardrobe Malfunction Flashes the Bare Lady Nest (and Maybe a Lady’s Little Helper) in Cannes

By Bill Swift | May 20, 2013 @ 12:19 am

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Eva Longoria Wardrobe Malfunction Flashes the Goods at Cannes

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To be fair, my feeble elderly eyes can't say for sure that Eva Longoria is completely bare down there, and by that, I mean bereft of panties. There may be some translucent undergarment type thing. Either way, I think it's fair to say Eva is most definitely bare down there in the Brazilian waxing sense of the word. Additionally, the photos may indicate that Eva is experiencing that time of the month and utilizing methods that Carrie did not know available when she was in the shower. But, again, hard to say for sure. I'll leave that to the CSI Egotastic! volunteer army out there.

So goes Cannes. Where the rain could not step the A-list celebrities from wearing designer gowns up the red carpeted step to their various photo lines and movie premieres. Eva Longoria and her slit dress were there for the showing of Jimmy P. (Psychotherapy Of A Plains Indian) which I would go and look up what it is, and will, as soon as I stop looking at Eva's cooch. So maybe like another two hours.

Eva Longoria wardrobe malfunctions are happening more and more these days. I can only assume Eva is trying to tell us something. Or, maybe prayers just really are answered. I'll accept either, while I continue to stare. Enjoy.

Emma Watson Dolls Up Something Booty Sweet for ‘Bling Ring’ at Cannes

By Bill Swift | May 17, 2013 @ 9:07 am

Emma Watson Dazzles at 'The Bling Ring' Cannes Premiere

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Emma Watson really has become a show stealer at big events. Forget the cute Hermione, this is all grown up Emma Watson, a young woman booty flashing, red carpet winning, and promoting the shizz out of her all grown up movie, Bling Ring, at the Cannes Film Festival. And, yes, that is Emma Watson booty.

As you know, I'm boycotting the Cannes Film Festival until the City of Cannes retracts their obscenely uncalled for charges against my obscene public behavior. Or, until I get an invite to the Festival, whichever comes first. But one thing I shall never protest is the lust of all things Emma Watson, who continues to grow into a fully blossomed, sextastic leading lady. Enjoy.

OH, JUST LOOK HOW OUR LITLE BABY HAS GROWN UP SINCE TEEN HERMIONE

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Cannes Finally Closes, But Not Before Some Supreme Cleavage from Virginie Efira

By Bill Swift | May 29, 2012 @ 1:17 pm

Virginie Efira Brings Out Her Cleavage atClosing Ceremony in Cannes

Kylie Minogue in a Blue Plunging Dress at Closing Ceremony in Cannes

Andie MacDowell and Daughter Sarah Margaret Qualley at Closing Ceremony in Cannes

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I can't believe it'd finally over. The tuxedos have been put away, the red carpets rolled-up, the cinematic snobbery, well, that actually isn't going anywhere. But the Cannes Film Festival finally ended after it's 10-day or so run of celebrity hotties watching movies about dudes in foreign languages searching for kites, or shoes, or their uncle.

But it went out with a bang, at the closing evening event, in large part, or parts, to Belgian actress Virginie Efira, who was all kinds of cleavetastic in a dress cut so low it doubled as socks. And we loved it. And made Virginie a name we will not soon forget. In addition to this Flemish funbag wonder, other highlights of the closing ceremonies include Kylie Minogue, veteran diva flashing some cleave, and a refined hot looking Andie MacDowell playing dressed-up mama bird to her teen ingenue daughter, Sarah-Margaret Qualley, and given me some mother-daughter fantasies that certainly must be illegal in most every industrialized nation. But, fun. Enjoy.

Kristen Stewart and Natasha Poly Battle For Plunging Red Dress Supremacy at ‘Cosmopolis’ Premiere

By Bill Swift | May 28, 2012 @ 9:28 am

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Natasha Poly Nekkid

Euro-Supermodels do love to drop their clothes for fashion mags 8 Photos »

As we said, Cannes heated up a couple Kelvin degrees this weekend, with the sextastic celebrities making one last ditch effort to make their most memorable red carpet moment, and no slouching it were Kristen Stewart and Natasha Poly, neither of whom are blessed with the buxom bouncies, but both made the most of it at the premiere of Cosmopolis in Cannes.

Now, you might give the advantage to supermodel and Pirelli calendar veteran, Natasha Poly, the girl knows how to wear a revealing dress alright. But I'm giving bonus points to Kristen Stewart just for getting out of her hipster used-clothing threads and ditching her middle finger for one night to get super-decked out and amazing looking. I know, I have a weak spot for the angst-ridden thespianic with the perma-grimace, but I just can't help loving girls who can't love themselves.

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Kristen Stewart in Red Plunging Dress at ‘Cosmopolis’ Premiere

Natasha Poly in Red Cut Out Dress at ‘Cosmopolis’ Premiere

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Reese Witherspoon and Andie MacDowell Clean and Hot at ‘Mud’ Premiere in Cannes

By Bill Swift | May 28, 2012 @ 8:25 am

Reese Witherspoon is Cleavy at ‘Mud’ Premiere in Cannes

Andie MacDowell is Cleavy at ‘Mud’ Premiere in Cannes

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This was the big wrap up weekend to the hottie and snotty fest in the South of France known as the Cannes Film Festival, and it went out with a sextastic bang in a bunch of events we'll be picking our favorite hotties from, including the premiere of the movie Mud, which saw the Cannes entrance of super busty hot preggo Reese Witherspoon who looked all kinds of with-child with-hotness.

Now, I know women don't actually glow when pregnant, but when you're a hardcore ogler with a hardcore thing for pregnant good looking women, well, you might find yourself glowing a bit checking out Reese on the red carpet.

And, a very special shoutout to Andie MacDowell, who sort of kind of bugs me in most every movie role she's in, but there's no denying that she looks damn fine for 54, and we won't even get into the blessing she passed on to her young model daughters (just kidding, we're going to get into that for sure today as well).

Now, there's a good chance you're never going to see any of the movies winning all the awards at Cannes this year, because these are some obscure, non-commercial cinematic mofos, but, let's never forget the fountain of sextastic celebrity that gets turned on every year for this shindig, and reason alone we already can't wait for the 61st one next May. Enjoy.