Romee Strijd, Penelope Cruz, and Talia Storm Lighting Up The Red Carpet At Cannes Premiere Red Carpet

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aldo-vallon - May 10, 2018

I predict that twenty years from now Penelope Cruz will still be the reason that I starch my pants. She is as fine as the highest quality Chinese silk which means she is capable of giving me a half chub at the mere mention of her name. Ironically, I am not a big fan of silk in general. I had inherited a silk shirt as a kid and I found it to be hot and unbreathable. I say inherited because that makes it sound classier than being a hand-me-down.

Never underestimate the usefulness of a heavily starched pair of trousers. Teenagers might find that more useful than anyone, what with their proclivity for getting no reason boners. The starch acts as a first line of defense against the rising flag pole, giving the owner crucial time to react.

Hopefully Penelope will take Romee under her wing and teach her the secrets to aging gracefully. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, as they say. The only way to beat getting old lady hands is to never have them. Whether that means sleeping with your hands in freezers, or putting them permanently into a glass jars like the guy from Zoolander, one should do what they have to.


Photo Credit: Backgrid USA

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