Now, a lot of us are rather partial to a little Call of Duty. Of course we are. But what’s the one thing the franchise has always been missing? Snoop-mothereffin’-Dogg, that’s what. Thankfully, Snoop himself has heard our cries, and has insisted on being included in the new customization pack for Xbox One.
Microsoft didn’t want him to, presumably, but you don’t eff with the Dogg. If he tells you he wants to be a Call of Duty announcer, you can bet your balls that he’s going to be a Call of Duty announcer. Because he’s the kind of badass renegade who will not and cannot be stopped.
So next time you and your homies are popping caps in asses online (fo shizzle), you’ll be treated to Snoopisms such as:
“Squad member active. A brother from another mother.”
“Don’t stop. Cap ‘em and shank ‘em. Crizzay.”
“Ballistic vest ready. Those are some fine assed threads.”
“Rack up points by reaching the enemy portal. You dig?”
We do dig, Snoop. We dig in a big freaking way. This hits April 22, and we’re all kinds of on board.
Michael Myers, of Halloween fame? With a misty-cabin-in-the-woods-with-dimwitted-teenagers-to-eviscerate map of his very own? Yep, that was the last lil’ slice of Call of Duty: Ghosts DLC. We are a little curious as to why he was dicking around with an ax, because our ol’ buddy Michael is more of a knifetastic sort of guy, but what the hell. It was a great cameo from the legendary maniac.
For the next DLC installment, Devastation, there’s another special guest. Make way for the baddest alien ever to be sassed by Arnold Schwarzenegger: the Predator.
In the same manner as before, you can transform into this guy via field orders (they’re dropped by chopper, although regrettably you can’t GET TO DAH CHOPPER in this instance, it swiftly leaves again). Upon doing so, all of its powers are available to you. You can stab. You can fire big freaking laser bolts. You can be one ugly mother effer.
But most entertaining of all, you can emulate that final scene from the movie. When killed, you can ‘detonate’ yourself and every other poor bastard in the vicinity. Take a look.
FPS games, more than any other genre, love them some frivolous DLC. For just a few of your Earth dollars, you too can proudly sport an assault rifle with a ghastly-ass shocking pink color scheme. Can you really put a price on that? If you’re EA or Activision or some other bunch of bastards, you certainly can.
Some of us like these sorts of shenanigans. Others think it’s terrible money-grabbing BS, and cry to their grandmas/the Internet when such DLC arises. If you’re in the latter group, avert your eyes now, because there’s a heaping helping of it coming your way.
Apparently, this sort of crap is so bowel-looseningly exciting, it needs its own trailer. Behold Call of Duty: Ghosts’ new customization options above. The Captain Price Legends Pack, which brings the series stalwart back to life, is a tempting proposition. The ‘Ducky’ skin, complete with rubber duck reticle, is not.
Still, they’re having some fun and nabbing a little more of our hard-earned cashtastic with this. That’s what counts. Apparently.
Wives? Children? Jobs? Personal hygiene? Nuts to them. Who has time for that crap? No man. Not when there’s new Call of Duty: Ghosts DLC to be playing.
So say Activision. You may be eagerly anticipating next Tuesday’s release of the Onslaught package, or you may have no effs to give about Ghosts’ new set of maps. That’s immaterial, because our only concern right now is: this is a pretty badass commercial, right here.
You’d be forgiven for thinking you were watching the opening moments of The Dark Knight, with less clown masks and more ill-advised beards. Watch as Stephen Graham demonstrates the only real way for us to get our Call of Duty on in peace. Although it may –may– be a little excessive.
Kudos to them for once again putting on a hell of a show. It’s like a piss-takey action movie in four minutes.
Call of Duty’s DLC is loved and loathed in pretty well equal measure. With the haven’t washed/eaten/crapped for a week timesink that the franchise can be for aficionados, many are certainly happy in the knowledge that they’re getting their money’s worth. But that’s the very issue which causes others to spew fire, brimstone and cuss words all over the Internet.
Nevertheless, hopefully there’s one thing we can all agree on: WTF cameos from Michael Myers are always welcome in any medium. Here’s the third most badass serial scrote-stabber in movieland (Chucky and Freddy’s placement is personal preference) in Call of Duty: Ghosts.
The content is named Onslaught, and is set for a January 28 release. It brings more of the bombastic badassery we expect of the series. Four new maps are included: Fog, Bayview, Containment and Ignition, and each bring with them a quirky little oddity of their own. The former is a perfect horror movie location, complete with shit-stained abandoned cabin and such. All that’s missing is a crew of dimwitted teenagers, their broken-down car, and a psychopath/mutant/psychopathic mutant to slice their gonads into spam.
Good news, everyone! You supply the crazy yourself. As the trailer above explains, completing your field order on the Fog map allows you to transform into Michael Myers himself, complete with ominous music and… ax. Because he has an ax now, apparently.
Take a look above for more on the Onslaught pack.
No, seriously. Which is it? We can’t effing tell.
Both of the much ballyhooed next generation consoles have arrived now, and there’s one thing that’s plain: technically, there’s little to choose between them. As Mr. Resident Evil, Shinji Mikami, told Edge Magazine:
“We only need one console. Why do I have to make two versions of a game? And when Xbox One was first announced it had lower specs than PS4, but now they’re almost identical… so either will do.”
‘Either will do’ may not be the most ballbusting of jargon, but this guy is the inventor of the Jill Sandwich. If he doesn’t know his shit, who the hell does? So there it is: the specs are much of a muchness. Mr. Mikami has spoken.
Nevertheless, some of us won’t rest until they know their console of choice has more teraflops, gigabytes and doohickeys rammed up its USB port than the other. Just for those guys, IGN have prepared a little next-gen Call of Duty comparison. On Youtube. Where the difference is even less perceptible than it already was. Huzzah!
We don’t know how to break this to you gently, so let’s just be frank: Mondays suck. You may be one of those crazies laboring under the delusion that you are, contrary to public opinion, cool with Mondays, but you’re fooling nobody. Drop the facade now.
This is the day that only exists to end two days of joyful, beer-soaked oblivion at the local drinkatorium (your weekends may differ), and we hate it for it. But wait! Here comes Megan Fox and Call of Duty: Ghosts, bringing a ray of sexy gun-shootin’ sunshine to this ballache of a morning.
In terms of, y’know, telling us anything at all about the game in question, this live action ‘trailer’ is a horrible failure. But what it does feature –and this is key, right here– is Miss Fox handling some rather large weaponry. So that’s a thumbs up (not to mention other appendages) from us.