Madison Iseman Is Too Hot To Handle

 Madison Iseman has a larger gap in that dress than even the great Tony Hawk would be able to clear successfully. The man is only human after all, it is not like he can actually defy gravity. And until someone invents a legitimate hover board, not one of those Segways disguised as a lie, I do not see him attempting the feat any time soon. Mr. Hawk has not survived this long by being reckless. It is important that every man knows his limits. If only my father had known his. Maybe then we would not have needed a search and rescue scuba diver to pull his body out of the barrel we were using to bob for apples.

To all the fathers out there, please show some restraint at parties. You have nothing to prove to your children by out apple-ing everybody else. Your children will still love you, even if Mr. Jones holds the record. They might start to love Mr. Jones just a little bit more than you, but that is to be expected. He did out apple you. But your kids will probably have some love leftover to share with you. 

Photo Credit: Instagram / Splash News