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LeBron James Playing For The Other Team

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Sam Robeson - July 2, 2018

 

As someone who moved away from Cleveland after a four-year stint just months after Lebron James signed with the Cavs for the second go-round in 2014, I can safely say that people living there truly have nothing to live for. Everytime time I went in their beloved Lake Erie - which is the actual color of shit - I caught a cold. But stepping on all those hypodermic needles buried in the sand sure gave me a cool buzz. The two main bragging rights of residents are that they used to have a Six Flags nearby and that Jeffrey Dahmer ate some people while in Northeast Ohio. On the one positive side, it is the last place in America where you can refer to Native Americans as Indians. And by the way, I know dogging on Cleveland isn't a revelation, but painting the city in a positive light would be like calling Somalia a fun-for-the-whole-family beach destination, and I'm just not going to lie to you guys.

 

This is all important info in understanding what it meant to Clevelanders when NBA superstar LeBron James returned to play with the Cavaliers in 2014, and what it currently means that just this weekend he signed a staggering $154 million contract to play for the LA Lakers over the next four years. James' 2014 return (to the tune of $42 million for two years) to the Cavs signaled to many a revitalization of Northeast Ohio. They were devastated when he originally left for the Miami Heat, but now he was making amends, and he did lead the Cavs to two National Championships after an over fifty-year-drought.

But James didn't return to Cleveland due to his love of soul-crushing trash-strewn abandoned Rust Belt cities. He followed the money, and to say that the city put all their eggs in one basket is an understatement. Now they're left with occasional visits from Khloé Kardashian when she wants to contract whatever Cavs player Tristan Thompson picked up from his most recent whore. Clevelanders - Clean up your poor lakefront. Attract downtown business. Eat less perogies. Stop relying solely on sports for an identity. You're more than that. You've got... well... um... actually... hm...

Photo Credit: Instagram

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