Kate Middleton Hot and Hopefully on the Run

Oh, Kate Middleton, future royal hottie, this is your last chance for escape. Seriously, your very last chance. I'm not saying a life of riches and privilege and castles and travel is all that bad. Heck, you do get to order the guillotine for all the catty bitches who called you names back in middle school, at least, I think you do. And if you never want to eat your peas, you simply burn down the villages of all the pea farmers in all the land. Most everything I know about British royal life comes from the movie Braveheart and from The Tudors, but I think it's mostly the same today.

I worry that Kate Middleton is too sextastic to enter into the Windsor fold. I'm just saying, listen to Candle in the Wind now, sister, before you take the plunge. Enjoy.